You should probably know that I’m not a beauty person. I only recently purchased my first foundation that wasn’t half-off at Priceline and just yesterday decided to move on from a series of sample mascaras I got free in a magazine. (I’m trying, you guys).
But it’s not because I don’t care for make-up. I love it. Just… on other people. I’d love to douse my eyelids in several shades of purple or go for a bold lip every other day, but somehow it all just screams “clown face” whenever I try it.
As a result, I’ve only ever had one beauty look: a simple flicked cat-eye. It’s subtle enough to wear to work and cool enough if work were to transition into after-work drinks.
It’s so perfect! But there is one big problem. It’s literally all I ever do. The same look, seven days a week, morning, afternoon and night, even at the gym sometimes. (Yes, I’m that girl).
But I can’t stop myself! It’s like it’s engrained in my muscle memory – I go over to my mirror and my hand instinctively reaches for my eyeliner. Two flicks and we’re done. Out the door. Boom.
I blame my obsession on two things: sheer laziness and Zooey Deschanel. I wanted bug-eyed realness with a hint of ‘60s cuteness and by George, I was going to get it. All I ever wanted was for people to think, “Hey, that girl’s cool! I see the extra effort she put in to do that little flick at the end of her eyeliner. She totally didn’t have to do that, but she did. She must lead a sweet life.”
...Or something along those lines.
It’s funny: wearing a look that somewhat resembled a cat really never made sense to me (dogs > cats 4eva), but once I learned to perfect it, I was all for it. Sure, the first few times were tough – building my desired eyeliner look took practice, a string of online make-up tutorials and one cut-out picture of Twiggy I’d taped to my mirror. But once I got there I couldn’t let go.
Until now. It’s time to head east. I’m a full-blown adult now with a fancy ~job~ which basically means I have access to a world of make-up that my cash-strapped teenage-self couldn’t even dream of. I’m determined to not be pigeonholed by my obsession with winged eyeliner. New make-up tricks are out there and I haven’t even scratched the surface.
In an attempt to better myself, I’ve come up with three new looks that I’m hoping will shock my face into non-clown submission. Or at the very least, I might pass for a clown on vacation.
Cat-Eye Alternatie #1
The first look I’m calling ’90s Raver Girl. It’s thick baby blue eye shadow, foundation two shades too white, and thinner than thin eyebrows.
Pros: Colour! Fashion! Ice Queen vibes!
Cons: Be wary of shaping eyebrows too much or else you’ll resemble a perpetually scared 1920s silent film star.
Cat-Eye Alternatie #2
The second look is an ode to David Bowie that I’m calling Ziggy Gold-Dust. It’s a subtle dusting of gold glitter over the entire face, gold lipstick, orange mascara.
Pros: You’ll look like an Academy Award!
Cons: You’ll look like an Academy Award…
Cat-Eye Alternatie #3
Say hello to the Dog-Eye. It’s like a cat-eye, but instead you draw small strokes with brown and black eyeliner all over your face. Like fur… get it?
Pros: No one can say you’re boring anymore?
Cons: The smudging might be a nightmare.
NB: Okay so I’m obviously kidding about these looks, but to all the girls (and boys!) out there with a make-up fall-back, know that there’s no shame in embracing your make-up safety blanket every now and again. Just try not to get stuck in a rut. Live your life and throw on that rainbow eye shadow. You’re going to look fab AF either way.