10/12/2015
But babe, it's faaaashun.

Words by

Amy Campbell

We’ve all been there. After arriving at brunch in an outfit you thought you were rocking, your man’s quizzical stare suggests you may have missed the mark.

Boyfriends are generally pretty easy to please. But sometimes they struggle to comprehend our spunky sartorial choices. If you’re like us, you’ll roll your eyes and chuckle. He can be forgiven for not appreciating the value of your vintage Mom jeans.  

Here at FJ we’ve learnt there are some looks he’ll just never understand. And that’s OK.

Bae’s bemusement aside, here are a few trends us sisters will never cease to sport: 

1. The Boyfriend Jeans

These jeans are not your boyfriends, so he’ll never quite understand how the name came to be. They are shapeless pants with shreds at the knees that look more Drake than Destiny’s Child. According to him, whoever the boyfriend was that let these onto his lady’s legs was regrettably misinformed. Pair them with a sloppy sweater? To your delight and his confusion you’ve nailed the ‘effortless’ look. 

2. The Birkenstocks

Now this is a shoe that’s been given the short straw. Boys look beyond the phenomenal comfort factor and wonder why on earth we desire to look like a trail-mix-munching, bush-bashing middle-aged man. They’re chunky, they squeak and hell… aren’t they made of corks? Therapeutic benefits and the podiatrist approval aside, these sandals are far from sexy. 

3. The Turtleneck

Sure, turtles are cute when in animal form, but according to your boyfriend, their long-necked genetics didn’t need to be replicated by the fashion world. The ultimate denier of cleavage and collarbones, the humble high-neck is loved by ladies and severely underappreciated by men. If he gave the turtleneck a chance he’d realise it’s like wearing a shirt and scarf in one. Yes mate, this little number is both practical and fun.  

4. The Smock Dress

This endless expanse of cotton tops the comfy charts, but gents can’t quite understand the desire to rock a dress that resembles a tent. Sure, we get it, but stay strong and back us up ladies – when having a bad day the smock dress is your saving grace. He dons his baggy hoodie when feeling far from fancy. So surely, from time to time we’re forgiven for indulging in this unrestrictive blanket of insecurity-melting joy. 

5. The Pom-Pom earrings

Similar to your reluctance towards his Movember efforts, don’t expect your guy to fancy the pair of ferrets framing your face. These jovial little balls of fluff might be music to your ears, but he’s not so easily sold. Add to this the fact they weren’t exactly cheap, and he’ll be in serious disbelief. No, they’re not mismatched hair extensions, or pom-poms stolen from your scarf. But continue to wear your poms with pride, ladies. To us, these merry little orbs are pieces of wearable art.  

6. The Flatform

Either it has a heel or it’s flat. Simple as that. According to him, anything in between just doesn’t make sense, especially when it attempts to combine these two conflicting footwear conventions. These things look as if they’ve been pulled straight from a Japanese film set. They encourage a shuffle rather than a strut. The fact you’ll be able to stand the next day is an unfortunately overlooked benefit. Ask him, and he’ll tell you these clunky chunkies just aren’t that funky.    

7. Anything High-Waisted 

As ladies that love a good high-waist, this is an aversion we’ll never understand. The high waist was revolutionary. And what’s more important – it saved the female population from having to endure the notorious hip hugging, love-handle producing ‘low rise.’ So lads, next time you go to make the Harry high-pants joke, please think twice. Shapely waists are both comfy and nice.  

8. The Jumpsuit

Similar to the Flatform, guys just don’t understand the excitement that comes with blending two modes of clothing into the one. But heck, if it means we don’t need to match our top with bottoms, this is one trend worth a follow. No, I’m not about to skydive and neither am I channelling Suzi Quatro to a fancy dress. This all-in-one is what miracles are made of. And babe, you can’t tell us any less. 

Illustration by Twylamae who also makes clothes your boyfriend won't understand. Like this tee with George Costanza as a cat.

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