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01/06/2015
#leggingsarenotpants

Words by

Bianca O'Neill

Ok, fashion peeps: We need to talk about this ‘couture leggings’ situation. 

I’ve just found out that Fendi have released a pair of leggings that will set you back a cool $900. My first car cost me $900. This is clearly getting out of hand now, and it’s time for me to step in. You know, to save your credit rating. And your reputation.

My first brush with the concept of ‘couture leggings’ came when I attended hip hop yoga in Prahran. There was a clear divide here: On one side of the room wearing regular, black leggings, was me. You know, like normal people – who understand we’re all here to get sweaty and not JUDGE EACH OTHER.

As I perused the other side of the room, a pair of tropical print leggings caught my eye. Then a pair of fuchsia leopard print ones. Then a pair of monochrome pants that were totally #ontrend.

The turf was clearly divided: These couture legging enthusiasts didn’t associate with us lowly black legging wearers. This was hip hop yoga – and it was like the bloods and the crips up in this joint. 

This was a legging turf war.

And it’s not just me being lured into the fight. The NY Post is all over this bourgeoisie debacle – they even went and interviewed people about it. Which is hilarious.  But also makes for some compelling and breathtakingly ridiculous reading.

The article opens with this quote: “I don’t think there’s ever too much to spend [on leggings].” Or so says Jennifer Bandier, who owns a ‘couture leggings’ shop, and has no reason whatsoever to encourage you to drop $1k on something you could buy at Kmart for $10.

The article then goes on to point out that she is wearing knee-high leather boots with a pair of graphite crocodile-print shiny leggings. I’d like to think the journalist is making a point here that she clearly has terrible taste. 

The article goes on…

“If you look like a lemming, it doesn’t make you feel inspired to go work out,” says Whitney Casey, a 30-something media maven who worries about being mistaken for a small rodent

She’s a "media maven" – which clearly makes her an expert in fashion. It also means she doesn’t have a real job, and therefore has a lot of time to go to brunch on a Tuesday in her $400 leggings. 

Come on women: Have we really come to this point? I mean, first the pyjama trend – and now ‘couture leggings’? Why don’t we want to wear real clothes anymore?

Is it time to just send some onesies and a slanket down the runway and be done with life once and for all?

Ugh. I thought we dealt with this when we all agreed publicly that #leggingsarenotpants. THIS IS WHAT WE CALL A SOCIAL CONTRACT, PEOPLE.

Just because we’ve thrown some pretty palm prints on them, doesn’t change our agreement. I could draw some tropical fish on a bunch of napkins and tape them to my crotch, but as Shakespeare said, that doth not make them pants. 

And on a side note, I generally make it a point not to take fashion advice from people named Whitney. What’s next, a prom queen called Stacey telling me I’m, like, totes ratchet for wearing something, like, soooooooo totally uncool?

“You can’t be in black workout pants anymore,” Stacey, 23, informs us. “You’re a huge loser for running around in black gym pants.”

Oh.

Well, when you put forth a thoroughly compelling argument so eloquently like that, Stacey…

Get in losers, we’re going shopping.

Follow Bianca's confusing fashion journey here

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