24/05/2015
All the things that make Choupette better than you.

Words by

Bianca O'Neill

Welcome Sydneysiders, and curious others from semi-affordable cities elsewhere in Australia.

Today I’d like to talk about the fact that Karl Largerfeld’s cat is doing better than you at life. Which, according to generations X and above, is 100% defined by whether you can afford to buy a house in Sydney.

Well, it’s time to give up on life right now, because Largerfeld’s fluffy white feline can. And you can’t. So there’s that.

Choupette Largerfeld is a spoilt white pussy who has the following things that you don’t:  

  1. An instagram account with more followers than you.
  2. Two full time maids who run her instagram account for her – and even THEY travel more than you.
  3. Her own hotel suite when she goes overseas. Which is probs better than your honeymoon suite was.
  4. A proposal from Largerfeld, who told CNN: "There is no marriage, yet, for human beings and animals… I never thought that I would fall in love like this with a cat."

Yeah, that fourth one is a doozy. Especially considering it’s hard enough to find an eligible straight male to look at you twice in a Sydney bar. Assuming it’s not the bouncer assessing whether your outfit is too ugly to let you in, that is. 

Sorry – I digress. I forgot to tell you the most important thing that makes Choupette better than you. She did two jobs last year, and earned 3 million euros.

Three. Million. Euros.

This means that a CAT, who has existed in the world for less time than the selfie stick, and “worked” for two days last year, can afford an apartment with water views. And you can’t. 

So, dear reader, on a scale of one to livid, exactly how does that make you feel?

Look, it’s ok. You’ve been bettered by a more superior being. Just look at the facts. Firstly, Choupette dresses better than you. 

Besides an unlimited amount of Chanel at her beck and call, she recently Instagrammed a #flawless DKNY outfit that would render any street style photographer breathless. 

Secondly, she’s covered more magazines than you have. Yep, she was on the cover of Vogue.

But then again, so was Kim Kardashian so I’m not sure it counts for much anymore... #catty

Thirdly, she’s written a book – and they sell it on net-a-porter. And it isn’t even an e-book… or self-published either. I’m looking at you Pettifleur. 

Face it. Choupette is better than you. And she deserves that house on the water. She’s probably flat laying her book on a marble side-table there right now. And a #footselfie from her balcony, with the harbour in the background. And the caption “My view every morning #blessed.”

This is the world we created, fashion obsessed internet people. Now let’s all go back to our shitty rental houses and think about what we did.

Follow Bianca’s confusing fashion journey at @alphabetponymag

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