All the things that make Choupette better than you.

Words by

Bianca O'Neill

Welcome Sydneysiders, and curious others from semi-affordable cities elsewhere in Australia.

Today I’d like to talk about the fact that Karl Largerfeld’s cat is doing better than you at life. Which, according to generations X and above, is 100% defined by whether you can afford to buy a house in Sydney.

Well, it’s time to give up on life right now, because Largerfeld’s fluffy white feline can. And you can’t. So there’s that.

Choupette Largerfeld is a spoilt white pussy who has the following things that you don’t:  

  1. An instagram account with more followers than you.
  2. Two full time maids who run her instagram account for her – and even THEY travel more than you.
  3. Her own hotel suite when she goes overseas. Which is probs better than your honeymoon suite was.
  4. A proposal from Largerfeld, who told CNN: "There is no marriage, yet, for human beings and animals… I never thought that I would fall in love like this with a cat."

Yeah, that fourth one is a doozy. Especially considering it’s hard enough to find an eligible straight male to look at you twice in a Sydney bar. Assuming it’s not the bouncer assessing whether your outfit is too ugly to let you in, that is. 

Sorry – I digress. I forgot to tell you the most important thing that makes Choupette better than you. She did two jobs last year, and earned 3 million euros.

Three. Million. Euros.

This means that a CAT, who has existed in the world for less time than the selfie stick, and “worked” for two days last year, can afford an apartment with water views. And you can’t. 

So, dear reader, on a scale of one to livid, exactly how does that make you feel?

Look, it’s ok. You’ve been bettered by a more superior being. Just look at the facts. Firstly, Choupette dresses better than you. 

Besides an unlimited amount of Chanel at her beck and call, she recently Instagrammed a #flawless DKNY outfit that would render any street style photographer breathless. 

Secondly, she’s covered more magazines than you have. Yep, she was on the cover of Vogue.

But then again, so was Kim Kardashian so I’m not sure it counts for much anymore... #catty

Thirdly, she’s written a book – and they sell it on net-a-porter. And it isn’t even an e-book… or self-published either. I’m looking at you Pettifleur. 

Face it. Choupette is better than you. And she deserves that house on the water. She’s probably flat laying her book on a marble side-table there right now. And a #footselfie from her balcony, with the harbour in the background. And the caption “My view every morning #blessed.”

This is the world we created, fashion obsessed internet people. Now let’s all go back to our shitty rental houses and think about what we did.

Follow Bianca’s confusing fashion journey at @alphabetponymag

Leave a comment


And yet again, the world has gone wild for it.
It's not just Kitsuné doing coffee.
It seriously makes me question the term ‘influencer’.
Migraines and head colds just don't cut it anymore.
Help because we are freaking out right now.
Oh (Chanel) Christmas tree, oh (Chanel) Christmas tree.
Follow these steps and you’ll officially be a blogger, just like everyone else.
A list of the stranger fash collabs out there.
"I mean, why would you let Zhang leave? It’s like getting rid of Beyoncé from Destiny’s Child."
Because you just don't get the credit you deserve.
Choosing friends on regram probability, fame association, and comparative attractiveness.
Who said you have to be good at art to be an artist?
Bringing back that classy 60's feel.
Cronut : [kroh-nuh t, -nuht] def : a brand name for a pastry made from croissant dough that has been deep-fried and shaped into...
You did good Lagerfeld, you did good.
Net-A-Porter is definitely going over and above on this one. After all, it’s Chanel.
"I guess I have a lot of things to ponder"
See Flanders repping Yeezy and Bart looking steez.
Because you shouldn't feel out of place, even when you can't afford it.
Chanel has been digging in your flower bed.
"Kim, all these furs have to be long enough to be draggin' on the floor."
It's been a pretty spectacular year on the catwalk.
Mostly '90s pieces. They’re beyond amazing.
Because hanging decorations on Christmas trees is so 2013...
Fans of The Simpsons get ready to squeal.