22/06/2015
The eternal search for the plain white wall.

Words by

Bianca O'Neill

There is a daily struggle for bloggers that is rarely chronicled in popular culture: the eternal search for the plain white wall.

It’s an issue we rarely talk about to “norms”, mainly because they just don’t GET it.  Like this whole dress over pants situation that’s confusing a LOT of people right now. 

Recently, a friend showed up at a dinner at my house - lingering at the door for a moment, a perplexed look on her face. She told me that our house didn’t look AT ALL like the one in all my Instagram pictures. 

When I explained that I took all of my photos in front of a house down the road because they had an awesome white wall, she looked at me like I was cuckoo for cocopuffs. 

A couple of weeks later, I’m pretty sure she still thinks that I just didn’t want to look povo.

I know… it sounds weird. But the simple fact is that white walls look great in #ootd pics. Plus, they make our Instagram landing page look as clean as those white sheets we bought exclusively to take in-bed-with-coffee foot selfies on.

A lack of houses with white walls in your neighbourhood can really mess with your Instagram game.  And for those of us who are constantly subjected to this first world problem, I can tell you with all certainty: The struggle is real.

When I moved houses recently, my Instagram was NOT on fleek. Neither were my eyebrows – but that is a whole other matter I can blame on attempting to substitute mascara for eyebrow pencil.  

It took me three weeks to find a white wall that was Insta-worthy. I had already started knocking on doors, asking people to paint their houses white. I was even considering paint bombing a really great wall down the road.  

In fact, us bloggers want EVERYTHING to be white. You could even call us the original White Walkers.

I mean, think about it: All we want to do is convert every house, floor, wall and table in a 3km radius to white. Print journalists of the OOTNight’s Watch are desperately trying to stop us getting over the (content) wall. 

Plus we’re converting people to our army at a disturbingly rapid rate, taking over the world one Instagram like at a time. Forget #winteriscoming - the bloggers are coming. And there is no escape.

Plus, without Jon Snow, you really do have no hope of stopping us. *evil laugh*

Although, that glorious white ice wall those gatekeepers have – now THAT would really make a great backdrop to my next Instagram pic. 

See you on the other side, my blogger friends.

Follow Bianca’s confusing fashion journey at @alphabetponymag

All images are Bianca's own.

Leave a comment

Related

For when you're just not ready to delete.
It seriously makes me question the term ‘influencer’.
Migraines and head colds just don't cut it anymore.
The 'fashion trend' is dead. Instagram killed it.
It responds to flash photography with an eloquent swear.
Help because we are freaking out right now.
For those of you who share in this weird fascination.
Your favourite female mouse takes on fashion blogging.
Because it’s harder than it looks.
Follow these steps and you’ll officially be a blogger, just like everyone else.
A list of the stranger fash collabs out there.
LA does alright, if you do it right.
"I mean, why would you let Zhang leave? It’s like getting rid of Beyoncé from Destiny’s Child."
Because you just don't get the credit you deserve.
Choosing friends on regram probability, fame association, and comparative attractiveness.
Giving Sassy Girl a run for her money.
Who said you have to be good at art to be an artist?
The game according to Zachary The Label creative director, Effie Kats.
Cronut : [kroh-nuh t, -nuht] def : a brand name for a pastry made from croissant dough that has been deep-fried and shaped into...
Flat-laying is officially a sport.
See Flanders repping Yeezy and Bart looking steez.
Keep up to date with the best of #LFW with these Instagrammers.
Because you shouldn't feel out of place, even when you can't afford it.
Say hello to the non-model faces of Marc by Marc Jacobs 2015.
"Kim, all these furs have to be long enough to be draggin' on the floor."
Because hanging decorations on Christmas trees is so 2013...
Photography duo WIISSA are doing it right
"Real LA versus hip fashion fantasy LA".