21/02/2017
It's burning my eyes.

Words by

Bianca O'Neill

One of my favourite topics to write about is the plethora of stupid trends that exist only on Instagram. However, this time around, a terrible trend has spilled over into real life.

It’s the front wedgie, and it’s burning my eyes on a regular basis.

There are so many people to blame for this one. Where do I start… The entire decade of the ’80s? Elle MacPherson’s many Sports Illustrated covers? Khloe Kardashian’s proud embrace of her own, much-photographed camel toe? It’s hard to say whose fault it really is.

But lately, I blame Instagram. 

Firstly, because if you have read any of my articles, you’ll know I like blaming Instagram for things that I don’t like. And secondly, because this particular social network needs a bloody R rating lately, from all the underboob, wedgie-clad butts, and straight up vagina shots I see as I casually scroll through my feed. And I don’t even follow 4th and Bleeker anymore.

Sure, they say fashion is pain – but when you scroll past something like this at a casual Sunday brunch, I’d say it’s gone further than that. I’d say it’s gone all the way to coffee-spitting, wtf-inducing, WON’T-SOMEBODY-THINK-OF-THE-CHILDREN shock. 

I spent about 23 minutes wondering how this was even possible. Like, not so much how you get a swimsuit so far up your clacker you get vagina-muffin, but more, why on earth you’d photograph it without a hint of irony. 

This HAS to be a grab for attention. Right? RIGHT? 

Instagram, you’ve gone too far this time. I’ll cop a bit of underboob on a casual basis. I’ll even let a few too many bare buttocks slip past my radar. Sure, it’s not fashion or style but hey, horses for courses. 

I will NOT, however, stand for the Frontal G-string. The Muff Muffin. The V-Wedgie. I won’t stand for it, I tell you.

After all, even Khloe K had the decency to keep the inner workings of her lips to herself. Or was that Kylie…?

Follow Bianca’s journey through the diverse rainbow of granny pants over at @_thesecondrow

Illustration by Twylamae who also makes high end sitcom fashion.

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