It's burning my eyes.

Words by

Bianca O'Neill

One of my favourite topics to write about is the plethora of stupid trends that exist only on Instagram. However, this time around, a terrible trend has spilled over into real life.

It’s the front wedgie, and it’s burning my eyes on a regular basis.

There are so many people to blame for this one. Where do I start… The entire decade of the ’80s? Elle MacPherson’s many Sports Illustrated covers? Khloe Kardashian’s proud embrace of her own, much-photographed camel toe? It’s hard to say whose fault it really is.

But lately, I blame Instagram. 

Firstly, because if you have read any of my articles, you’ll know I like blaming Instagram for things that I don’t like. And secondly, because this particular social network needs a bloody R rating lately, from all the underboob, wedgie-clad butts, and straight up vagina shots I see as I casually scroll through my feed. And I don’t even follow 4th and Bleeker anymore.

Sure, they say fashion is pain – but when you scroll past something like this at a casual Sunday brunch, I’d say it’s gone further than that. I’d say it’s gone all the way to coffee-spitting, wtf-inducing, WON’T-SOMEBODY-THINK-OF-THE-CHILDREN shock. 

I spent about 23 minutes wondering how this was even possible. Like, not so much how you get a swimsuit so far up your clacker you get vagina-muffin, but more, why on earth you’d photograph it without a hint of irony. 

This HAS to be a grab for attention. Right? RIGHT? 

Instagram, you’ve gone too far this time. I’ll cop a bit of underboob on a casual basis. I’ll even let a few too many bare buttocks slip past my radar. Sure, it’s not fashion or style but hey, horses for courses. 

I will NOT, however, stand for the Frontal G-string. The Muff Muffin. The V-Wedgie. I won’t stand for it, I tell you.

After all, even Khloe K had the decency to keep the inner workings of her lips to herself. Or was that Kylie…?

Follow Bianca’s journey through the diverse rainbow of granny pants over at @_thesecondrow

Illustration by Twylamae who also makes high end sitcom fashion.

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