An Instagrammer’s guide to filling your suitcase

Impractical packing.

It’s that time of year, kids.

You’re either getting ready to escape winter via a cheap flight to Bali, or you’re preparing to intensely hate-like the impending Instagram onslaught of European vacay pics.

If you’re in the former category, read on for some A++ packing tips.

This is our Instagrammer’s guide to packing light. (And then adding two suitcases of shoes.)

Hack 1: Who needs underwear, anyway

We did a lot of research into bloggers’ packing flatlays and it’s clear they never seem to pack underwear among their pom pom Gladiator sandals and designer kaftans. I can only assume it’s because underwear doesn’t work with their sheer white palazzos, so why pack them? What a great weight- saving hack!

Hack 2: Flatlay-ready toiletries only

Everyone knows that it’s the toiletries that always take you over the 7kg carry-on mark. So, do as the bloggers do: only pack those that will enhance your flatlay game overseas. Don’t bother with bulky and un-photogenic cans of deodorant, unless you have a Rexona sponsorship deal. No one can smell you on Instagram.

Hack 3: Spend more than the cost of your ticket on monogrammed divider

Everyone knows your Instagram exists solely to promote useless products no one wants. Just look at all those posts about detox tea. Ha, ‘detox’! It’s just tea with herbs in it! Anyway, your packing should involve several bespoke pouches and packing dividers, all monogrammed, all filled with a single item negating the very need for dividers. At $24.95 a pop, it’s only an additional $4,500 for that perfect packing flatlay. It adds to your weight, but I think it’s worth it, no?

Hack 4: Choose a single on-trend book with a minimalist cover

Look, we know you want to read the latest six instalments of The Shopaholic Wears Prada Has Twins, but the cover is, frankly, not chic. Add #Girlboss or Lena Dunham’s Not That Kind of Girl and grit your teeth through the narcissistic boredom because they chose minimalist, flatlay-friendly covers in Millennial Pink. On the upside, you’ll probably trash it on the trip, making way for more shopping.

Hack 5: Perfectly place everything exactly perfectly

This isn’t a space-saving tip. In fact, it’s the opposite. But who are you, really, if you pack your bag like a trash person putting trash in a trash bag? Everything should be pre-ironed, pre-steamed and pre-primped so that when you take your photo JUST BEFORE YOU CLOSE THE LID it feels totally, 100 per cent real. You almost definitely didn’t leave packing until an hour before you had to leave and throw everything within arms distance into the bag while screaming at your boyfriend that it’s all his fault. Like I said, you’re not a trash person.

And that’s it! You’re now ready for your totally Instagrammable getaway, which will successfully piss off all your followers, while also manipulating them into liking each pic to show they’re not pissed. It’s what Instagram is all about, really.

Now, all that’s left to do is to post a #FWIS from the Qantas Business Lounge. I can only assume that when someone sees it, they will never truly know you’re flying Tiger in the non-reclinable seat next to the bathroom.

This feature was originally published in Fashion Journal 169. You can read it here.

Illustration by TwylaMae who also made this Broad City smile tee.