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Opinions of an average bloke.

Words by

Amy Campbell

If you follow a bevy of fashion bloggers and photographers, you’ve probably noticed the influx of Men’s Fashion Month photos this past week. And if you keep abreast of fashion happenings, you’ll also have noticed a number of luxury houses merging their men’s and women’s shows.  

I’ve noticed. And I think it’s exciting. We might actually be couched within a moment in which gendered dress codes are becoming more fluid than ever. According to the designers championing the change (Alessandro Michele at Gucci, Demna Gvasalia at Vetements et al.), it’s the zeitgeist of 2016. Yes, McQueen did it in the ’90s and Gemma Ward stunned when she walked in Calvin Klein Men’s earlier this year. But right now, unpacking gender specific stereotypes in fashion seems particularly prevalent. 

I’m all for it. But I’m a girl. And thus, I can’t help but wonder what the everyday guy thinks of the androgynous looks hiking their way down the men’s runways. It seems the further blurred the line between menswear and womenswear becomes, the more outlandish (erring on the edge of unwearable) the designs are getting.  

To put this theory to the test, we’ve lined up an expert panel of four relatively regular males with four different approaches to style. We asked for their interpretations of some recent looks from the menswear shows in London and Milan. 

The results are hilarious, but not astounding in any way. According to our panel of expert dudes, the median ‘wearability’ rating for Menswear Spring 2017 comes in at a neat 1/10. 

Look 1: Craig Green Spring ’17

Expert: Andrew, second-year science student, spends most days in sneakers 

This looks like… a Mexican tried his hand at designing a snowsuit

The designer was probably thinking… “how many quilts can I work into the one costume?”

If I had to wear this, it would be to a… retro snow party. It looks warm. 

IRL wearability rating? 2/10

Look 2: MAN Spring ’17

Expert: Hamish, law student, secretly loves ‘suiting up’  

If this wasn’t on the runway, it would be used for… bed linen

This guy could be mistaken for… a walking cotton bud

The inspiration behind this outfit came from… that one time the designer accidentally locked himself outside in the nude and had to string together an outfit using parachutes and his bare hands

The guy wearing this is thinking about… he’s hoping a big gust of wind doesn’t come along and fill his sails. He won’t make it to the afterparty if it does 

IRL wearability rating? 0/10

Look 3: Topman Design Spring ’17

Expert: Phil, legendary dad, serial misunderstander of fashion

The most appropriate place to be seen in this suit would be… a pyjama party. Or a croquet match. 

The expression on the model’s face tells me… he’s ready for bed

The thing I like most about this outfit is… I think the colour is fashionable. Didn’t someone once say “real men wear pink?”

I would buy this outfit if… I was going to a Barry Manilow lookalike party

IRL wearability rating… 3/10

Look 4: Public School Spring ’17

Expert: Hamish, law student, secretly loves ‘suiting up’  

The first thing that springs to mind when I see this outfit is… are they basketball shorts? Why is there a girl in a men’s runway show? 

I think I could wear it if I was going to a… basketball game… where I know nobody… so nobody can get photographic evidence

This outfit is being modelled by a woman because… men who wear trench coats look suspicious

IRL wearability rating? 4/10

Look 5: J.W. Anderson Spring ’17

Expert: Andrew, second year science student, spends most days in sneakers

This guy looks like he’s about to… give a high-five to someone sitting in the seventh row

The designer’s muse for this collection was probably… a skinny Oompa Loompa 

If I was wearing this, I would feel like… One of those wacky-waving-inflatable-arm-flailing-tube-man things they put outside electrical shops, or car yards

The most wearable element of this outfit is… the glasses, if you’re a fighter jet pilot

IRL wearability rating? 0/10

Look 6: Moschino Spring ’17

Expert: Oliver, the guy to call on when fashion advice is needed, knows who Karl Lagerfeld is 

This outfit would be perfect for a… Tarzan party in the ’80s

It reminds me of… a jungle. Or sipping tequila sunrises 

My favourite bit about it is… I appreciate the design, it looks funky and would work well on a Hawaiian shirt

The one person I can imagine pulling this off IRL is… Miley Cyrus

IRL wearability rating? 5/10. Mainly because elements of this outfit would work if they were worn on their own 

Look 7: Sibling Spring ’17

Expert: Andrew, second year science student, spends most days in sneakers 

This outfit would work if I wore it to a… I would not be seen in public in this outfit

The one celebrity that could pull this off would be…  

This model looks kind of smug because… I think he looks embarrassed. Probably because he can’t believe he has to show that much upper-thigh

My favourite bit about this outfit is… The shoes are cool

IRL wearability rating? 0/10 if you’re me. 10/10 if you’re Emily Ratajkowski.   

Look 8: Wales Bonner Spring ’17

Expert: Phil, legendary dad, serial misunderstander of fashion

The person that would do this outfit justice is… Michael Jackson

Beneath the mask, this model’s face says… “where am I going?”

But I really like that… he’s having a fair go at doing this outfit justice. I admire this 

The muse behind this collection was… perhaps bellhops from an exotic hotel?

IRL wearability rating? 2/10. It would look much better if the pants weren’t too short for the model 

Look 9: Coach 1941 Spring ’17

Expert: Oliver, the guy to call on when fashion advice is needed, knows who Karl Lagerfeld is

If this guy was in high school, he would hang out with… I feel like he would keep to himself and most people would be intimidated by him. Like Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You

If I was wearing his jacket, I would feel like… A bikie. Nah, a space bikie. 

My favourite bit about this look is… The shoes. I don’t like the studs, but the loafers are nice

This guy listens to… old school punk/modern day heavy metal 

IRL wearability rating… 7/10. I could see someone wearing this IRL. He might just look like Marty McFly from Back to the Future 

Look 10: Nasir Mazhar Spring ’17

Expert: Phil, legendary dad, serial misunderstander of fashion

This guy looks like he’s thinking about… getting done, collecting his cheque and making a clean getaway  

The inspiration behind this outfit came from… The belief that pirates might want to play basketball?

The most practical part of this outfit is… the socks look practical, they would be good for the gym 

The type of guy that would buy this is… can I plead the fifth amendment here?

IRL wearability rating? 1/10

All images via Vogue UK.

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