16/12/2016
Well, close enough.

Words by

Bianca O'Neill

2016 has been an interesting year.

We lined our shoes with fur (because #fashun clearly isn’t impractical enough already) and posted flatlays in Tumblr pink.

We became more self-aware as an industry, busting out great body-positive campaigns all over the place – and then the Daily Mail ruined it by posting pap shots of poor Sam Armytage’s “giant” undies.

We saw some iconic fashion magazines close their doors, while others wrote (yet again) about how bloggers are ruining the industry, and ‘influencers’ were dead. Meanwhile, influencer marketing companies popped up all over the place like bloggers at the end-of-night gifting table.

Kanye released a collection that everyone hated, again. Also, Kanye fought with everyone, again. Except (perplexingly) Trump, who he just had a meeting with following a stint in hospital for mental illness issues. (Oh to be a fly on the wall at THAT one.)

It has been the year of the flat shoe (good), the anti-contour (good) and the underboob (bad). And now, Pantone tells us next year is going to be all about finding ways to wear some hideous Kermit-green colour with your current wardrobe, so I guess we have that to look forward to.

Here’s to the year that was…

January

  • 2016 opens with the iconic Cleo Magazine closing its doors after 44 years in print. It’s the first, but unfortunately not the last to close this year. 
  • Gucci’s fur-lined $1,397 Princetown loafers continue to infiltrate the minds of seemingly normal human beings, and start their reign as Shoe of the Year. (I didn’t get it then, and I don’t get it now.)
  • The year of ‘Tumblr Pink’ commences. Still better than whatever the fuck this ‘Greenery’ shit is.

February

  • Yeezy Season 3 launches along with Kanye’s latest album (and a game about ascending to heaven on a winged horse?) in a concert attended by the entire Kardashian crew dressed in dead muppets. Balmain. 
  • Instagram FINALLY allows us to switch between accounts without logging in every time, and now I can’t even remember what life even was before this happened. 

March

  • John Paul Gaultier launches his collection for Target at VAMFF – who transition to the Exhibition Building in an inspired move. Did this collab signal the end of meaningful high/low partnerships? The hideous nude satin jumpsuit with cutouts and a cone-bra says yes. 
  • Louboutin drops a diverse ‘nude’ shoe collection. People whose skin isn't some insipid pastel pink (i.e. most people in the world) cheer.  

April

May

June

July

  • ASOS’ social media team goes off-piste, calls model "plus size," corrects itself by saying "whack." #someonedefgotfired 
  • McDonald's melts your brain in the ultimate contradiction of all time, releases activewear line

August

September

October

November

December

  • Victoria’s Secret sends a preggers lady down the runway in a trenchcoat - hardly a win for women everywhere... 
  • Sadly, the year is bookmarked by another iconic magazine closing, Dolly. Please contact me for future Dolly Doctor questions.

Follow Bianca’s confusing fashion journey attempting to introduce ‘greenery’ into her wardrobe in 2017 at @_thesecondrow.

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