Brush off your platforms.

Words by

Alyce Cowell

Let’s face it: the 2000’s fucking ruled. Crazy Town’s Butterfly flowed through our first generation iPods, Justin and Britney were definitely getting married and the coolest thing we owned was our Motorola RAZR flip phone. There was no touching us, or our bomb-ass diamante belly button ring.

But because time is cruel and unfair and that was like FIFTEEN YEARS AGO, the naughti naughties are officially vintage and back for another turn. Are you ready to have your low-slingin’ vinyl pants on high rotation again? Think of it like wearing your mum’s cool vintage Guess flares from the ’70s – it’s just that you were there the first time, so you’ll probs feel like you’re back at an underage niteclub. For most of us, the pain is just too fresh. But it’s official, the ’00s are in. And here’s proof. 

1. Criss-cross, halters and spaghetti straps 

The G-strings of our top half have made a spectacular comeback with sleeves, and the sensible fabric that covers our lower belly is becoming painfully uncool. Tops are getting tinier, and starting to resemble a little baby’s bib or a rag your dad might wash his car with.

2. Metallics

In the ’90s, we were all a bit down in the dumps and totally in touch with our feelings; black, denim and tartan were our jam. But when the ’00s hit, we went shopping. BOY, DID WE GO SHOPPING. Maybe it was because we were feeling those millennial vibez, or maybe we were just in a good mood because Y2K didn’t kill us all. Either way, gold and silver filled our wardrobes, kind of like right now.

3. Platforms

There were really only two pairs of shoes you needed in 2003: chunky Etnies and life-threatening platforms. Sadly, it’s rare to see a pair of Etnies outside of a suburban skate park these days, but platforms are back baby, and they ready for da club. Wear with caution.

4.  Cute but casual hairdos 

Hair was a major part of our look in the naughties: if we weren’t straightening it with an actual clothes iron, we were crafting it into twisty buns and white-girl cornrows. I honestly don’t know where we found the time. Fast-forward to 2016, we sometimes get sick of our boring hair and want some ’00s back in our life. But seeing as we’re grown-ups now and have jobs and bills and stuff, we need to pull it back a notch. Instead we opt for the more time-efficient double buns or half-up-half-down approach.

5. Hologram

Like bra burning and punk music before it, hologram played a very important role in shaping our cultural history. We’d entered a new century! This was the naughties, and we’d be flying hoverboards soon. Hologram matched our new outer-space dress code and was everywhere. Take a look through most online stores now and you’ll notice it’s awash with hologram all over again – mini skirts, backpacks, cute purses, whatever.

6. Patent leather

Patent leather, being the practical fabric it is, meant you could spill Thursday night $1 drinks to your heart’s content and never ruin your outfit. It was tight, irresistible to the opposite sex and futuristic af. Now high-end designers all over the shop are putting patent leather on their runways, and we’re rekindling the flame. 

7. Stars and moons 

Back in the magical year of 2000, no makeup kit was complete without teeny tiny pots of stars and moons that we applied to the outer corner of our eyes. Reserved for special occasions, it was the perfect accessory for when we wanted to look hot, but also like we didn’t try too hard, you know?

8. Unflattering pant cuts 

Remember when skinny jeans weren’t even a thing yet? Pants were low-cut, tight on the hips, slightly flared at the bottom and H.O.T. Alarmingly, the fashion prophets say skinny jeans are slowly on their way out, which means we could be returning to the sexy shapes of the mid-2000’s. Hot.

9. Blue eyeliner 

Saturday night with your best gurlz always called for electric blue eyeliner – it said, “I’m hot, I’m on-trend and I know my way around a podium.” But like all good vintage trends, blue eyeliner is back, whether you like it or not. It’s been spotted on multiple international runways and it’s not being at all ironic.

10. Double denim 

The 2001 American Music Awards changed the fashion landscape when King Justin and Queen Brits walked the red carpet in matching double dems. Can anything ever compare? Should we even bother?

Illustration by Twylamae who understands there's no such thing as Tuesday feels and made this print to prove it.

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