Beyoncé: Queen Bee. Multiple Grammy winner, who will go down in history as one of the greatest pop stars of all time. Red carpet winner. Feminist hero to women everywhere… women everywhere, except me.
Her red carpet style? Meh. Her fashion references? Problematic. Her Instagram? We’ll get to that later.
Look, I will never refute the towering presence Bey has on the pop industry (regardless of the 70 different writers credited on Lemonade) – but it’s time someone said it. Beyoncé’s style just ain’t all that. Plus, I have the receipts to prove it.
Yo Beyhive: I’m locking my doors now. Please don’t send the Beygency.
That time when she crazy appropriated Indian culture
I’ve spoken about the dubious collab she did with Coldplay extensively over here, so I won’t bore you with the outrage – but it was most certainly NOT woke. Look, you guys, I know I’m probably speaking to deaf ears, what with the terribly intertwined history of fashion and appropriation, and ignoring it and still loving designers who do it (cough Chanel), but it’s not cool. And there was no apology.
Not only was she silent on the matter, as she always is (a search for “Beyonce apologises” renders only pages and pages of results for other people apologising to her), but it wasn’t her first and only stealing offence.
That time when she wore human skin on the red carpet
Did Beyonce just wear Becky’s skin on the red carpet at the Met Gala? Ugh, this was the worst dress in the history of latex – and that’s saying a lot. '80s prom shoulders, weird un-popped pimples all over it, Jennifer Aniston hair, and way-too-dark makeup delivered an absolute red carpet fail.
Next day? Vogue made the lazy calculation of Givenchy + Beyonce = amazing. Someone needs glasses, stat.
Let’s talk about House of Dereon
RIP pics of 2012’s worst label, helmed by the woman who was to blame for Destiny’s Child’s worst fashion moments.
Bey tried SO HARD to get us on board, from name-checking the label in her biggest hits, to repeatedly rocking it on the red carpet. Even Kendall and Kylie’s Kollection wasn’t this bad.
Every day on her Instagram
I follow Beyonce on Instagram, as I do many different fashion sources from around the world. The problem here is that every time Beyoncé pops up in my feed, I shudder. This is the woman who reportedly refuses to be friends with Kim K, while wearing outfits circa-Kim-K-2007. Like this.
See also this cheesy red nightmare, this weird combination of a shitty Supre dress with a sparkly jacket that probably cost more than your car, and this ill-fitting pair of shorts paired with a dark denim (!) ruffled nightmare and blue lipstick.
Alls I’m saying is… look at these outfits while blocking out her head and pretending it was some fashion blogger. Would you follow them? NOPE.
She does make good music tho. *pops on 'Hold Up' for the 2,354th time*