Glasses wearers are kindred spirits. Even if we have nothing else in common, our shared glasses-wearing experience binds us together.
And while wearing specs may not be the biggest struggle to befall humankind, it’s still real. Bespectacled friends, please read on and commiserate with us. Because there are some things only we can understand.
1. Choosing a pair of frames is a major life decision
Shopping for glasses is not like regular shopping. It’s a major life decision and one that you’ll be tied to for minimum a year. Committing to the wrong pair of glasses is akin to having to wear the same bad outfit every. single. day.
2. People want to try on your glasses all the time
“Hey, I love your glasses, can I try them on.”
“Wow, you’re really blind.”
3. Not being able to see in the middle of the night
Is that a home intruder on the other side of my room, or just the bookshelf? It’s legitimately hard to tell.
4. Steam is the enemy
Anyone who wears glasses knows that you cannot just go around opening dishwashers or ovens without preparation. My heart goes out to hospitality workers. Even eating and drinking is hazardous. A hot drink equals foggy glasses, eating soup equals foggy glasses… you get the idea.
5. Eye makeup belongs in the too-hard basket
I for one, am so visually challenged that I cannot see my eyes in the mirror when at makeup-applying distance. This means that mascara and eyeliner are reserved for when I crack out the contact lenses.
7. You actually forget what you look like without glasses
On the rare occasions that you do wear contact lenses, you are kinda weirded out by your own reflection. "Is that what I really look like?" And you're often greeted by commentary like: "You look really different." Good different or bad different? Hmmmmm...
8. You often forget you’re wearing contact lenses and put your glasses on
You’d think it would register that can you see, and therefore must be utilising some kind of seeing aid. Nope, apparently not.
9. You cannot watch 3D movies
Well, technically you can. However, if you’ve ever sat through a three-hour movie with 3D glasses on top of your regular glasses, you’ll know what I mean.
10. Switching glasses to see who has the worst eyesight is a fun game
Us spectacle wearers are competitive types. It seems that the worse your eyesight is, the more kudos you receive. My shortsightedness has hit -10. Myopic folk will know that’s pretty dismal, so I usually win this game.
11. Those nifty cleaning cloths are really hard to come by
No one ever carries those cleaning cloths around right? Which means if you aren’t wearing a T-shirt, your glasses-cleaning ability is severely inhibited. I’ve been known to clean my glasses on colleagues clothing. What are work pals for?
12. Weather is not your friend
By weather, I mean all of the elements. Rain equals blindness; humidity equals fogged up lenses; sun equals not being able to wear sunnies (unless you have a prescription pair or had the foresight to wear contact lenses that day).
13. You spend a really weird amount of time wondering what would have happened if you were born before glasses were invented.
The Museum of Vision cites the earliest records of glasses occurring in Italy between 1268 and 1289. Not sure if it’s just me, but I spend substantial amounts of time wondering what my life would have been like if I was born before pre-1268. All I can say is, thank God for the Italians.
Illustration by Twylamae.