The advice no one else gives.

Words by

Tara Smith

If you’ve recently moved out of home, congratulations, you’re basically a fully functioning adult now.

Having recently flown the coop myself, there are a few little pearls of insider knowledge I kind of wish I'd been privy to.

Sure, I got plenty of advice about ‘how expensive everything is’, but no one bothers to tell you the important stuff, like the fact that no one will come to wake you up if you forget to set an alarm for work.

  1. You'll go through toilet paper quickly. Like, scary fast. You’ll wonder who the hell is using all the goddamn toilet paper until you finally have the house to yourself. You’ll realise a roll does not actually last that long. You’ll realise your mum used to change it daily.
  2. Honey is expensive. Especially the gourmet type you had at home. She will be missed.
  3. You'll need to vacuum. Please actually do it though.
  4. Vegetables go stale unless you eat them. You obviously knew this is how it works, but did you ever really *know* it?
  5. Your parents own a mortar and pestle for a reason. Sorry, but grinding spices with a rolling pin doesn’t work.
  6. The bathroom mirror must be wiped often. Very often.
  7. You won’t know who to call when the power goes out. Hint: it’s not your power company. It’s also not your dad but that’s always a start. 
  8. The running costs of a dryer.
  9. When bin night is. Yes, bin day is Monday but they should probably tell you when bin night is.
  10. How often you’ll have to dust. See above re: bathroom mirror.
  11. Removalists charge a call-out fee, every time.
  12. No one will drink the milk. Or everyone will drink the milk. Basically if you ever have milk in the fridge when you need it, it will be three days past the expiry date.
  13. You’ll only ever eat three different meals, because that’s all you know how to cook.
  14. Two of those meals will be pasta.
  15. Bathrooms get dirty really, really quickly. 
  16. Avocados are a luxury, not a necessity. Farewell sweet guacamole.
  17. Small bin bags never get the job done.
  18. A good housemate is very, very hard to find.
  19. Plastic bags will multiply in the thousands. But seriously, where do all these things come from? And because of your environmentally-conscious efforts to buy the Green Bags from Coles instead, these too will multiply.
  20. Do the gardening now or be faced with the Amazon rainforest later.
  21. You will not wear that piece of clothing at the back of your closet. Actually this was also accurate when you lived with Mum and Dad.
  22. You can never have enough sponges. 
  23. Tupperware is important.
  24. You will still lose all of the lids.
  25. Buy a printer or find a friend who has one. That shit is golden.

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