There are only two reasons you’ll ever see me in a gym.
a) my friend dragged me along and I’m using her free pass, or
b) my friend dragged me along and I saw a cute guy, so I’m back again this week.
Either way, I’m not going for the right reasons.
It’s not the fitness aspect. I really do want to get fit. It’s just that, for whatever reason, I feel uncomfortable while I’m there and the gym feels like effort.
Running on a treadmill or lifting weights is so repetitive and so 2004. Call me lazy, whatever, but I need something that’s not going to feel like a workout and is actually fun.
Think Eric Prydz’s ‘Call On Me’ music video. If only there were aerobics classes like that.
But unfortunately, there aren't. So because of this dilemma that I’m faced with, I’ve done some research into what I think could work for me, as well as for you.
Adult gymnastics classes
If you’re bending over to pick up your phone and getting stuck on the way up, chances are you’re an old fart. And when I say old, I mean 24 and too lazy to use your legs properly. Gymnastics classes are great for core strength and coordination, and they teach you how to move your body the right way. That is, the way you don’t get puffed out from climbing one flight of stairs.
There’s bound to be a local gymnastics club around your area, just jump on Google.
Or better yet, trampolining classes
Growing up in Australia, it’s safe to say that you fell through your trampoline a few times and got your hair caught in the springs. Well, if you’re not traumatised and want to cardio without effort, adult trampolining is where it’s at. Did you know jumping on a trampoline for 10 minutes is equivalent to a 30-minute run?
Adult trampolining classes are rare. Lucky you’re favourite trampoline park has got it covered for you.
Modern day rock climbing
Want biceps like Popeye? You need to get around modern day rock climbing. Think climbing up a Lego-like tower and then jumping off onto another. OK, I know it sounds like Dr Seuss had a baby with Australian Ninja Warrior, but this is a legit thing. It’s like rock climbing on LSD.
Don’t believe me? Check it out and see for yourself.
Don’t laugh. It’s actually really hard keeping yourself afloat while trying not to kick your friend in the head. If you had a pool and felt like a mermaid as a child (guilty), then synchronised swimming has your name all over it. Being in the water uses every muscle in your body. That’s why you’re always tired after a good day at the beach.
Grab some of your buds and get in sync at places like Eastern Sirens.
Sometimes walking around the ’burbs can be boring. Why not adventure it with some friends and get some Mother Earth in you? Some popular trails include the 1000 Steps in the Dandenong Ranges and the Bushranger Bay Trail in Cape Schanck.
There are heaps more online if you're looking for inspo.
This isn’t Black Swan and Natalie Portman is not about to stab you. There are so many misconceptions about this classical dance, it’s kind of sad. Ballet teaches you about flexibility and poise and is great for straightening out that office-bred hunch back. And of course, the shoes. Who wouldn’t want to wear those amazing shoes.
Most local ballet studios will host adult classes but if you're looking at getting really fancy, you can also drop in for a casual class at The Australian Ballet.
When I heard about this, my first words were, “What the f*ck is this?” Well, to put it in simple terms, Geocaching is a massive treasure hunt shared with everyone around the world. You make an account online and then go all Indiana Jones and find some cool shit. So random yet amazingly awesome. I love humans.
Yes, this is the term for when you see people jump rooftops and leap onto railings with one hand. I know, it’s pretty crazy. Obviously we’re not experts, but parkour has grown over the past couple years and there are actual classes for this. Think of it as urban ninja 101.
I feel like adulthood took away the experience of riding a bike. Your best childhood memories were probably spent on a bike. You rode around so much you can practically draw a map of the village. Plus, riding a bike is one of the easiest ways to get in shape. Why not bike it to work next time rather than catching public transport? Look at you being all fit and eco-friendly. You go Glen Coco.
Ready, OK! Everyone loves Bring It On. That movie made you want to be a cheerleader, even if you’ve never done a forward roll in your life. Even today, throwing people in the air (or being thrown in the air) doesn’t sound too bad. And besides, this is the best chance to not let your daily sass go to waste.
If being fabulous is a prerequisite, sign me up.
Join a team
Now I’m being a little vague with this one and including all sports. One thing I’ve recently noticed is that us millennials are 10 times more sporty than the generation before us. We love sport so much we don’t want to give it up in our adult lives. So don’t. Get a bunch of your mates and make a team or join one. You get to socialise and do something you like.
Okay, couch potato. No excuses now.
Think of this as your mid-year resolution. No more junk food and no more Netflix. Get up, get out and get fit.
Illustration by Twylamae.