The Fashion Outsider: Bronde is the new black

And balayage is so over.

Don’t you know balayage is SO OVER? That ombre is non-bre? That highlights are now hairspo non grata?

Word on the street is that bronde is the hot new hair colour in town – even Blake Lively and Kylie Jenner have tried it. So it must be a thing. Like, an actual legit thing. 

I’m here to get you in on the ground level, so you don’t have to be so late hopping on this train that it’s positively #retro by the time you try it. You *could* say that I’ll be your personal hair tutor, to guide you through the scary world of bronde, aka “don’t make me choose a hair colour right now, I can’t even commit to finishing reading this article.” 

Personally, I’m a huge fan of hairography. You know, when you use your hair to distract from everything else you’re lacking otherwise. Or when you’re trying to cover up the fact that you just couldn’t be bothered wearing makeup that day, so you spent $50 on a killer blowwave that covers 83% of your face instead. 

And according to my spiritual hair guide and colourist/magician slashie, Jack Morton (TONI&GUY), bronde is the ultimate in hairography. He tells me it’s low maintenance. He tells me it suits everyone. He tells me it helps you lose a dress size in 45 minutes. (I may have lied about that last one).

So basically, bronde is for the lazy hairographer, who, like me, wants to look like a model without having to put in the work. PS WHY IS THIS NOT POSSIBLE YET TECHNOLOGY. Srsly.

It started in the chair with a discussion about how terrible the shampoo and conditioner I use is. Which made me wonder if my dentist, my personal trainer, and my hairdresser all get together sometimes to have dinner and laugh about how generally gross I am, and how I seem not to be able to fully function as a real adult. 

I prove them right when I ask Mr Morton to give me the lazy woman’s hair colour of 2015, Bronde.

As my genius for the day goes to work on my limp locks, we get a good dose of therapy in. I cover my mum, my ex three relationships ago, and the fact I’ve only worn eyebrow pencil today so that my before and after shots give the impression that I’ve got make-up on. He even agrees not to charge me extra for the counselling, so I’ve MADE money, really.

Three hours later I have a result: Bronde-a-go-go. It’s not quite blonde, and it’s not quite brown, and it’s got a lil’ dose of strawberry thrown in to boot. The highlights are subtle, but still lend texture to the colour – a more sophisticated version of Blake Lively’s ‘do.

I look tanned. I look FRESH. I look fabulous dahling and I can’t talk right now important farshun things to do * air kiss * 

Bianca was a guest at TONI&GUY, Georges on Lt Collins St, Melbourne. Colour by AHFA Creative Colourist Of The The Year 2014 Jack Morton. See her before and after photos over at @alphabetponymag 

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