7 theories on why women’s clothing doesn’t have pockets

#bringbackthepocket

Picture this: you’re trying on your dream dress. The fit is great, the length is killer, your boobs aren’t doing that weird squishy thing and the colour is out of this world. You slide your hands slowly down the side seams. Ugh… no pockets.

Or worse, the dreaded fake pocket… *shudders*.

In my retail days I often frequented (and worked at) a store known for its commitment to pockets. Almost every dress, pair of pants or skirt had pockets – and the people loved it. There was no bigger thrill for me than revealing to a customer that yes, that dress had pockets. The satisfaction on their faces almost always guaranteed the sale. It was fan-fucking-tastic.

But sadly, this isn’t a common occurrence in women’s fashion. We’re often left sans pockets and hanging on to our belongings like a squirrel packing nuts. Why on earth has the fashion industry turned against pockets? Is it a luxury? And why on earth do we just accept it?

Saying that, here are some theories on why we think women’s fashion has been omitting the humble pocket for so long.

1. High fashion has no time for your putrid plebeian pockets – a.k.a. the P. P. P. rule

There’s no denying that for the most part, high fashion (while beautiful) is almost always very impractical. You won’t find pockets on that Proenza Schouler feather cape or even that Alexander Wang sweater dress because, well, it’s #fashun. It doesn’t need to be practical. You’ll probably buy it either way.

2. That is to say, it’ll ruin that gorgeous silhouette

Nobody wants to see a your oversized mobile phone sticking out the side of a stunning free-form Marc Jacobs dress. Don’t ruin the #lewk ladies.

3. The whole handbag thing

Newsflash: the whole handbag industry thrives on the fact that women’s clothing doesn’t have pockets. If we don’t have pockets we obviously need somewhere to put all our shit, right? Hence the handbags. But I’m sorry, I don’t want to spend 17 minutes digging around in my tote bag for my phone every 10 minutes, I want it on my body at all times. And when I say on my body – I want to literally feel it with my hands or with my hipbone, just so I know where it is and that I haven’t left it at the gym again.

4. “If you want pant pockets, just wear jeans!”

Ha, hahaha. Ha. Ha. No. I will wear my impractical three-quarter length wide leg linen pants with a backward zip if I want to, and there’s no forcing me into boring skinny leg jeans just because they have pockets. Give me impractical three-quarter length wide leg linen pants with a backwards zip AND POCKETS, please. Is that really so hard?

5. If all women’s clothing had pockets, men’s fashion (ergo men) would feel inferior

Think about it. What is the only thing men’s fashion has on female fashion? All their pants have pockets!

6. Your hands don’t need to be warm

Frostbite is in this season ladies. If this year’s NYFW is anything to go by, arctic temperatures shouldn’t sway you from wearing that totally impractical summer two-piece and prancing around Manhattan like it’s 40 degrees outside. Hang those hands out and let them really feel the cold – who needs fingers anyway?

7. Fashion is pain, after all

Loving something you know you shouldn’t (Justin Bieber, a Hungry Jack’s Double Whopper, or an item of clothing without pockets) is kind of a right of passage for most women. We’re complex people, us girls, so as much as we complain about not having pockets, we’ll still buy items without them and complain about it all the time.

But the onus surely has to be on the fashion industry. We’ve come to accept that items of clothing that should really have pockets (like denim skirts, cotton dresses and winter coats), don’t. A coat without two deep pockets shouldn’t even deign to call itself a coat – it’s more like an overlay of LIES.

Women’s clothing without pockets is wrong. Please fix it. ASAP. Please. #bringbackthepocket