32 top-rate excuses for calling in sick to work

Migraines and head colds just don’t cut it anymore.

We’ve all woken up on a Monday morning and just not felt like going to work. And to be fair, faking a sickie is ingrained in our national psyche. It’s as Australian as a rainbow Billabong.

The problem is, as the years have progressed, employers have wisened up to a plethora of average excuses.  The everyday 9-5er has become slack. Migraines and head colds just don’t cut it anymore, and even food poisoning has become a mediocre excuse at best.

So we’re here to help. To help save you from the everyday monotony that is working a full-time job, we’ve come up with 32 of the best excuses for calling in sick to work.

You’re welcome.

  1. The dishwasher was left open and you fell backwards onto a fork.
  2. It’s your dog’s birthday.
  3. You’re mourning the loss of your dead plant.
  4. You’ve taken up parkour full-time.
  5. Your washing machine has flooded your entire house.
  6. You’re waiting for Telstra.
  7. You’re too busy writing fan letters to ex-Australian idol contestants.
  8. Today’s pollen levels forbid you from stepping outside.
  9. You’re waiting for your letter from Hogwarts to arrive.
  10. You’ve been lost in Ikea for three days.
  11. It’s mango season.
  12. You’ve developed a UTI and need urgent medical attention.
  13. You’ve won McDonald’s Monopoly.
  14. You’re moving house.
  15. You’re being deported.
  16. You joined a Scouts group and your scout leader has called you in for an emergency meeting.
  17. You need to go chair shopping.
  18. You haven’t finished the entire season of Stranger Things yet.
  19. You need to wash your hair.
  20. You’re auditioning for Married at First Sight.
  21. You’ve elected to have an expensive and painful knee reconstruction.
  22. You’re teaching your pet parrot how to talk.
  23. You’ve become a Trump impersonator.
  24. You need to check all the expiration dates on your milk.
  25. You’ve taken up juggling.
  26. You’re learning a new smile.
  27. You need to learn all the dances from High School Musical.
  28. You copped a 4.6x Uber surcharge over the weekend and haven’t recovered mentally.
  29. You’re learning how to brew Kombucha.
  30. You’ve overdosed on Vitamin C.
  31. You’re the lead singer in a Shannon Noll cover band and you haven’t quite nailed ‘Lift’ yet.
  32. You’ve become an overnight sensation in Japan.

Alternatively, you can switch to a career you actually like. (We know! What a novel concept!)

To get you started, here’s a bunch of open jobs we pulled together across the fashion and beauty industries, with everything from internships to senior roles. Applications are now open. Go you good thing.

Illustration by Twylamae.

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