As a model with facial scarring, here’s how my perceptions of beauty have changed
IMAGE VIA @DANNAMATRIX/INSTAGRAM
WORDS BY IZZY WIGHT
“If a client books me, it’s because they’re embracing or seeking out my features and I can’t think of a better way to be in the industry.”
Whether we care to admit it or not, everyone has had to overcome some sort of internal struggle with their appearance. For some, it’s a constant battle – a mental coin flip every time a mirror appears. Is it the God complex, or the unshakeable inner saboteur today?
But for models, the personal mental challenge is coupled with all kinds of external pressure – the voices of agents, photographers, bookers and brands. And when Sydney-based People Agency model Danna Matrix was in a life-altering car accident in 2020, leaving her with face and body scars, she realised “just how engrained my identity was in my face”.
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But on the other side of healing – having “suffered traumatic injury to numerous systems and areas of the body” – her career has changed for the better. Below, she shares some insight into her story, and how her perceptions of beauty have radically shifted.
To start with, can you tell us a little about your story?
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I’m Danna – a 26-year-old Sydney-sider. I’ve been modelling for a few years now and also work in public health part-time while completing my Master’s Degree in Naturopathic Medicine. I live with my fiancé and beautiful shar pei puppy in the inner CBD!
In 2020, I was in a near-fatal car crash that resulted in extensive injuries. I was what is called a ‘polytrauma patient’ – someone who has suffered traumatic injury to numerous systems and areas of the body. For me, most of the injury occurred on my face. I went from the ICU in a medically-induced coma, to the trauma unit, to the rehab hospital… [it] spanned over a three-month period, [and I was] undergoing numerous surgeries throughout the process.
As you come to learn a bit more about me, you’ll see I’ve been uniquely disposed to misfortune in my life, but from that has come a huge amount of post-traumatic growth. That growth has shaped me and my life in every aspect and I truly couldn’t imagine my life without it.
I can only imagine how traumatic your car crash experience must’ve been. What kind of impact did that have on you, both physically and mentally?
With any trauma, there’s the period where you’re still acutely experiencing the trauma, and the period after. During that first span of time, I honestly couldn’t put into words how difficult it was physically and mentally. I had to cope not only with the mental trauma, shock, grief… and the effects on my family and loved ones but the massive physical impact.
I had never realised just how engrained my identity was in my face. To the left of my hospital bed was a mirror, and I just remember mustering up the courage to look at myself and seeing a broken, stitched up and terrifyingly unfamiliar face looking back at me. When you’re that deep in a traumatic situation, you literally have no choice but to accept what is happening to you.
And so I did. I made a commitment to radically accept my situation and heave myself through each day, each hour and each minute until I made it back to some semblance of a normal life. The mind has an amazing ability to cope with trauma. I was never dealing with everything all at once, it was like my mind had compartmentalised everything in a maximum security unit and would slowly open each compartment… so I could process the trauma one segment at a time.
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Through that method of radical acceptance and very patient waiting, I saw myself move this incredible journey of healing. It was by no means linear, and I had innumerable breakdowns and days of hopelessness, but I slowly experienced little moments of happiness that gave me a profound sense of normalcy and hope. That was how I became ‘me’ again, and I did everything I could to nurture that healing.
Prior to the accident, what perceptions and ideals did you hold around beauty?
Because of how focused I was on modelling prior to my accident, every idea I had around beauty was based on what the industry considered ‘ideal’. Tall, symmetrical, clear skin, good bone structure, the works.
I even categorised beauty in the same way; there was either high-fashion beauty or commercial beauty. My individual perceptions didn’t matter for so many years, to the extent that I would only feel beautiful or worthwhile if I was getting booked or validated by the industry.
As someone who now carries these life-saving scars, how has your attitude toward beauty changed?
It allowed me to remember what I considered beautiful before I started modelling – uniqueness! I started remembering how enamoured I was by people with unique features. To me, unique features are a mark of individuality that can’t be replicated or imitated, and I think that is one of the most beautiful things someone can have.
Coupled with that, you also know they’ve gone through a journey of self-acceptance. Whether it’s an inherited or acquired feature, it presents as a challenge to societal beauty standards and I think that’s badass. I have some significant facial scarring from my crash, and experiencing that reversion in my perceptions of beauty so quickly allowed me to love my facial scars right off the bat.
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I was offered revisions, creams, gels, [and] injections from my doctors to fade the scars, and unless it was medically necessary, I never ever wanted it. Once the wounds had healed, I asked my dad what he thought of my scars. He said “They’re a sign of beauty”, and I honestly couldn’t agree more!
As a model, how has your accident affected you and your career?
It’s definitely affected my modelling career, but I feel for the better. It’s taken me out of the fierce competition that exists in the industry and I don’t feel I’m constantly trying to conform and mould myself to the ideals of the industry, because I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I come as a package with all of my scars, and they can’t be taken off.
If a client books me, it’s because they’re embracing or seeking out my features, and I can’t think of a better way to be in the industry. It has ruled me out of a lot of commercial work that I was once doing. Despite that, I’ve ended up booking work that I wouldn’t have dreamed of booking before my accident, so it worked out well for me!
For other people who might struggle to accept their own scars, what advice can you give?
In the words of my dad, your scars are a mark of beauty! Not only are they physically beautiful, but they’re a symbol that you’ve healed from something, that you’ve survived something, that you’ve carried on and made it through, that you’ve triumphed. I can’t think of anything more beautiful than that!
For more on Danna’s story, head here.
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