Weird shit bloggers wear: The Hair Choker

And how you can wear it too!

Ah, street style. That elusive source of fash inspo filled with totally unwearable trends that no one would ever rock IRL. Or would they?

We though we’d investigate a couple of these trends to show you where they came from, who is wearing them, and whether they have legs on the actual streets. You know, without a bunch of fash people nodding, knowingly:

“yas girl, I love that medical-goods-store-sourced bedazzled muumuu you’re wearing, such runway reference, very future.”

This week we investigate: The Hair Choker.

The stats

Trend: The Hair Choker
Requirements: Hair longer than your shoulders, a long ribbon
For those who: Don’t have a fear of being yanked from behind
Likely norm friend response: Awkward silence and occasional confused side glances
IRL difficulty rating: 7/10

Who is to blame for these fashunz?

It was a natural progression from last year’s turtleneck hair-tuck, really.

Look, we’re sure that someone in the history of humankind did this before Spring Fashion Week last year (see: Marc Jacobs SS14), but this trend seems to have picked up steam after the September shows – namely Mary Katrantzou’s SS16 runway hair featuring chokers secured into a bow at the back, over the hair, and Christopher Kane’s cable tie chokers also shown fixed over the hair on the runway.

Throw in a Man Repeller how-to in January this year, plus a few fashion-forward bloggers picking it up after the shows, and you have yourself a legit trend.

Show me some pics so I know it’s legit

Well, obviously Man Repeller are fans.
And Leandra herself (see here and here).
Zhang styled it for Teen Vogue.
Oracle Fox wore it to Valentino in Paris.
Even I tried it at MBFWA.

How do I wear it, as a normal person, IRL?

This is a choker, elevated – so basically it’s a night time move. Ain’t nobody popping out to brunch with their hair tucked into a velvet choker with a huge bow at the back. Unless you’re Helena Bonham Carter, in which case I’d recommend that you pair it with two different coloured shoes and a cane fashioned out of snake fangs.

After trying it myself, I’d recommend styling it as a back detail: so pair it with a simple, drop back dress or low-back cami. Even an off-the-shoulder top or jumper is the perfect accompaniment to show off the bow.

The more simple the outfit, the less you’ll like like a psycho slave to fashun. Kind of like this headband choker bow.

#triplethreat #nextlevel #ohgodmakeitstop

Watch Bianca attempt more weird shit bloggers wear at her Instagram account @_thesecondrow. Alternatively, fill out your details below and we’ll send updates straight to your inbox.