I’m done hiding my big boobs, here’s why

“Although I had always wanted bigger boobs, now that I had them I hated them.”

Content warning: Eating disorders

I didn’t get my first proper bra until I was 14. I was a late bloomer, to say the least. My barely-there A cups eventually grew to just a respectable B cup and stopped there. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I fixated on my boobs (as well as a multitude of other perceived ‘problems’) and constantly compared my chest size to the other girls at school.

I was also in the depths of a pretty serious eating disorder, which completely compounded my insecurities. However, although I hated having small boobs, over my teenage years I became used to them and they became part of my identity. 

For more musings on big boobs and fashion, head here. 

So when, at age 18, I embarked on the journey of recovering from my eating disorder, and those B cups blossomed into big (almost double) D cups, I suddenly felt drastically different. Although I’d always wanted bigger boobs, now that I had them I hated them (you always want what you can’t have etc).

I went from being totally ashamed of being on one end of the spectrum to despising myself for being on the other. I felt unfamiliar with my own body, and the identity I’d built around having small boobs was shattered. I now had curves and large boobs, and somehow I had to accept that. 

But even though I desperately wanted to work on self-acceptance, I spent a further two years wishing I could shrink my chest – all while simultaneously trying to recover from a brutally persistent eating disorder. It was just before I turned 21 that I realised there was no point in trying to change my body anymore.

This realisation was sparked by the words of women in similar positions to me, who also had to come to terms with having big boobs. It seemed that shame was a common experience among young women with larger chests.

There was a recurring theme in these articles of women trying to hide their boobs by dressing in baggy clothes or wearing restrictive bras in order to make their chests look smaller. I suddenly felt less alone.

What I was going through was a common experience, and if so many women before me had learnt to love and accept their big-boobed bodies, surely I could too. So I kept reading and researching. In particular, I loved seeing the multitude of ways that other fashion people with big boobs styled themselves. 

The first thing I did to really show me and my body some love was to buy some suitable lingerie. For years, I had been wearing crappy old T-shirt bras in an effort to conceal my chest. It was time for some cute, sexy bras – and most importantly, bras that actually fitted! I went to an outlet and bought a bunch of new pieces: everyday, sport and lots of lace.

Maybe buying some new bras doesn’t seem like a huge shift, but it made a big difference. Wearing bras that not only embraced my curves but highlighted them gave me a newfound confidence. 

Eventually, that niggling feeling that I needed to be ashamed of my chest began to disspate. Slowly, I started to wear clothes that showed off my boobs just a little bit. I was beginning to feel comfortable with myself, and I even felt almost sexy.

Nights out were no longer preceded by panic attacks and fits of anger and shame when getting dressed. Instead, I could enjoy getting dressed up (my favourite thing) and just embrace my body. My boobs made me feel feminine; they made me feel beautiful. 

Now, I truly feel like I’m coming into myself, and I have a newfound love for my boobs. Of course, there are those occasional moments of insecurity, but I mainly have good days now. It took me 21 years to realise a hard truth: there are some things about yourself that you can’t control, and your breast size is one of those things.

So I’m done with hiding my big boobs. They’re squishy and funny and hot, and so am I. I’m even starting to experiment with going ‘braless’. Either way, bra on or off, I am a big-boobed girlie, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Struggling with your body image? Try these practical tips.