How my personal style noticeably changed when I hit 30

“I’ve made a conscious decision to speak more kindly to myself in my thirties and really ‘play to my strengths’ when it comes to getting dressed.”

I don’t think I woke up the day of my 30th birthday earlier this year and all of a sudden knew how to dress for this next chapter of my life. What I do know is that I spent the majority of my twenties making fashion (and other) mistakes, learning via trial and error, and finding my personal style which went hand-in-hand with learning to love myself deeply.

Like many others, I figured out pretty early that if I wore oversized clothes, I would attract less unwanted attention from men (or at least it very much felt that way). I think dressing for the opposite of what was considered appealing to the male gaze felt most comfortable to me.

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My need to have everything five times my size became my little uniform and the only thing I felt comfortable in (much to my mum’s despair). I rejected the idea of putting on a tight, tiny dress or any other sort of form-fitting garment. 

I was a small size six in my early twenties. My weight – and how I looked in clothes because of it – weren’t on my list of insecurities. Instead, I put all my energy into hating my nose. When I was 22 I decided it was time to get a nose job. Ironically, going through the surgery has turned out to be my biggest and only regret in life. This isn’t because I don’t like my new nose, but because I wish I loved myself then as much as I do now. 

Fast forward to 26, and my body went through another change when I decided to get sober. I went from a size six to a size 10 in a matter of months. I went from buying clothes off the rack and being a sample size, to not. I had to try and figure out what looked good on my body all over again. The XXL dresses and hoodies I used to feel my best in suddenly made me feel ‘huge’ and uncomfortable. 

I decided to start wearing my clothes tighter and more fitted, but I still had that evil voice in my head saying I was ‘fat’. The voice was similar to the one that used to tell me my nose was too big. Everything came down to this sense of things being too oversized, and no matter what I put on during those years, I felt shitty in them. 

I now work on the floor in my co-owned fashion store, Who Boutique, five days a week. There, I see women in one of their most vulnerable states: trying on clothing. I witness discomfort, uncertainty and self-critique most days. It’s painful observing how we speak to ourselves.

I often notice how harshly we talk about our bodies and how they look in clothes. It can be so cruel, no matter what size we are, and I can only imagine – and empathise with – what’s going on for these women internally.

Our twenties are such a challenging, confusing, messy, tumultuous, formative, exciting, bewildering time, and one of such flux (in ourselves, our relationships, our homes, our style and more). Watching other women scan their bodies in the mirror has made me confront the warped perspectives we can adopt when we let our internal bullies take charge. I’ve made a conscious decision to speak more kindly to myself in my thirties and really ‘play to my strengths’ when it comes to getting dressed.

Playing to my strengths style-wise

Although I love an all-black kit, I’m also into wearing colour. It just brightens up my face and makes me feel better. Colour can be scary, but it’s a really fun way to get out of your comfort zone when it comes to your sense of style. I always tell my customers that Melbourne can be grey and dreary enough (especially at the moment), so why not wear that neon top?

Given I’m 5’1 and a little ‘slim-thick’, I figured out I might not always look exactly how I want to in certain clothes. I’ve learned what suits me, like low-rise baggy jeans dressed up with a kitten heel instead of high-waisted jeans that make me feel out of proportion. I also now consume so much less than I did in my twenties when I felt the need to have a different outfit for every single occasion and used shopping to deal with heartbreak and other difficult emotions.

As I’m getting older, I’m also thinking about what pieces I would like to pass down to my one-day child so they can enjoy rummaging through my old clothes the way I did with my parents’ vintage clothes. That means putting thought into the quality of the item and its style and longevity. Is it a trend or something timeless like a classic leather jacket? All these questions have led me to buy so much less and now I can truly say I actually wear all of my wardrobe. 

I definitely don’t have it all figured out and I’m still going through the motions, but what I have learnt is that style comes from within. You could be wearing the ‘coolest’ outfit ever, but if you don’t love yourself in it, what’s the point? It’s about feeling (and radiating) confidence in your outfitting – truly wearing clothes, not letting them wear you. When I have the answer to how to feel like this every day, I’ll let you all know!

Until then, I’ve decided I’ll take the days I feel amazing in my skin, and not beat myself up on the ones that I don’t. After all, we don’t get it right all the time and we cannot constantly feel fabulous. But it is our responsibility to back ourselves when we put on the pieces that bring us true joy and present our personality to the world, regardless of where we’re at with our body image or ever-evolving sense of style. 

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