A reminder to women: Please stop commenting on my big boobs

“Women are starting to behave as if they get a free pass to act inappropriately, and I can’t help but wonder why?”

I’ve been bigger busted for what feels like as long as I can remember. When I think of my F cups, I think of fitting room tears, baggy shirts and back pain. It seems at least once a week I experience an all too familiar sinking sensation when someone stares at or – even worse but not at all uncommon – comments on my chest size. 

I’ve reflexively learned to fold my arms over my chest while I walk and to avoid low-cut tops in public at all costs. I’ve become more than accustomed to being catcalled, grabbed (yes, grabbed!), leered at and made to feel less than by men because of my cup size. But the worst part? When this behaviour, cleverly disguised as ‘complimentary’, instead comes directly from women. 

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Unbelievable as it may be, in my experience, women comment on and allude to my breast size more often than men. Online, women leave comments under my TikTok videos saying things like “They sit so pretty”, “If I caught my husband staring I wouldn’t be mad”, “The texture and bounce to them is 👌🏼” and “I was looking really disrespectfully”. This last comment alone garnered over 8,000 likes on a post of mine. 

If a man had left these online comments or had said this to me in person, I know from experience that it wouldn’t be long before someone jumped in and, rightfully, called him out. Women are starting to behave as if they get a free pass to act inappropriately, and I can’t help but wonder why? 

While their intent behind commenting on my bust size might be different, the result is the same and I’m left feeling uncomfortable, objectified and small. After an interaction of this kind, I often find myself wondering if people would even like my content – or worse, even like me – if it wasn’t for my cup size.

Although that might seem like a far-fetched notion, when a physical attribute of yours is commented on to the extent that my breasts are, it’s hard not to identify it as something you’re doomed to be defined by – ‘Carmen with the big boobs’. 

While I’m aware that creating content online will always invite objectification to some extent, it’s hard not to feel at a loss when it’s coming from your own gender, fellow people who are meant to ‘get it’ and quite possibly even relate in some way. Breasts aren’t inherently sexual and yet since my very early teens I’ve been overly sexualised because of my cup size; at school, in my workplace, in relationships and now online.

My bigger busted friends will attest to the weird cocktail of guilt, shame and anger that we attach to our boobs and while it’s my goal to eventually get to a place of body neutrality, sometimes this neutrality can feel completely out of reach. Recently, I was out at a party when a female stranger began chatting to me.

In a crowd of people and surrounded by my friends, this person commented that my boobs were “Amazing” and in the same moment, reached out and grabbed them. Did anyone say anything? No. Just a one-off? I wish. Two weeks prior to this, a friend’s boss told me she wanted to dance with me when we were out.

No less than a minute later and this person had grabbed my waist and began attempting to lick between my breasts saying my boobs were “So hot”. Awful? Yes. Uncommon? Not at all. Even two nights ago, here on holiday, I had a waiter comment that she would be “Coming back again in a few minutes to stare at [my] boobs”. Comments and encounters – actually, let’s just call it what is – harassment and assaults like these from women happen continuously and it’s rare that anyone says anything. 

When I find myself in situations like these, it’s only after I’ve asserted that I’m uncomfortable that the people around me will agree the behaviour they witnessed was out of line. But herein lies my problem; I should not have to make you aware that this behaviour is inappropriate. We should not, as people, be condoning any unwelcome commentary on, sexualisation or nonconsensual touching of someone’s body, ever, even if it’s under the guise of a ‘compliment’. 

When wondering how to combat this behaviour, I reached out to fellow content creator and bigger busted pal, Joely Malcolm. Joely comments that fellow women who have remarked on her cup size in the past have justified doing so under the guise of “celebrating” her body.

“The issue is that although people mean well, it doesn’t change how it makes me feel. I don’t think there’s any malicious intent [but] when you grow up with big boobs there’s a lot of people who make you feel like you’re only big boobs, and it can bring me back to the person that believes that,” she tells me.

While we both agree the onus shouldn’t fall on us to educate people about this topic, we realise people need to be made aware that their intent doesn’t detract from the impact their comments have on us. But honestly, it’s hard to feel motivated to remind people of this while simultaneously grappling with the body shame and guilt we associate with our breasts. 

As someone who creates content on the internet, I know it’s up to me to assert my boundaries online. To do so, I make videos referencing this inappropriateness directly, and I pin my own TikTok comments asking women not to objectify me in the comments. I respond directly to almost all comments that make me feel uncomfortable and I’ve even started an online conversation with a few women who have contributed to these feelings who, nine times out of ten, almost always agree with my perspective and apologise (hindsight is a wonderful thing!).

While I’ll continue doing this, in all honesty, I could use some help. So in the interest of saving my time and energy, and on behalf of all my fellow bigger-busted pals out there, let me just spell it out for you here; please stop commenting on my big boobs.

For more on big boobs and objectification, try this.