How to resign from a job without burning bridges, according to a careers coach

“When emotions are high, logic goes low.”

I don’t know what’s more difficult: resigning from a job you love, or one you hate. If you’re leaving a job you love because you’re looking for career growth or you’re moving cities, it’s easy to get caught up in feelings of guilt or second-guess whether you’re making the right move. If it’s a job you can’t wait to be free from, the trickiest thing might be leaving without airing all your grievances (after all, you never know who you’ll cross paths with in the future).

In a way, I’m both lucky and unlucky to have only ever left jobs I loved. From my retail role at a bookstore to the part-time jobs I had before I started working full-time, leaving wasn’t an easy thing. For almost every job, quitting was more about career growth than it was about hating where I was.

The few times I’ve had to resign, I’ve been hyperconscious of coming across in the right way. I’ve wanted to show my appreciation for the opportunities my managers gave me, but I haven’t wanted to overshare and fill the silence out of nerves. On the other hand, I’ve seen people I used to work with leave their jobs on pretty bad terms.

Simply being unhappy in a job or feeling like you’re not being treated well are justified reasons for wanting to leave, but the way in which you resign matters. There’s a lot more to quitting than sending an email and not turning up the next day. For the most part, leaving your job can be a tricky tightrope to walk, especially when you factor in things like resignation letters and notice periods.

According to Sydney-based careers coach Lara Nercessian, being professional can go a long way in safeguarding your reputation and ensuring you maintain positive, long-term relationships.

“Leaving on bad terms will likely affect your employment references and consequently, your future employability,” Lara tells me. “Should a future employer wish to receive a reference from your previous employer and they’re met with a negative employment reference or refuse to provide one, it can speak volumes about your professional reputation and ultimately, prevent you from being offered future positions.”

Should I air my grievances?

Providing feedback around your reasons for leaving can be helpful for your current employers, Lara says. Choosing an appropriate channel is important though. Many employers will offer an opportunity to provide feedback in the form of an exit interview, where you can provide constructive feedback or settle any outstanding issues.

“This is a very different approach to sharing with your colleagues why you are disgruntled or making disparaging remarks about the company on social media,” she explains. “It’s important to consider what you believe will, or can, change as a result of you providing feedback. Be clear on what you would like to see… and provide recommendations or solutions that you believe are both valuable and constructive.”

How exactly should I resign?

“I highly recommend resigning from your position in person, wherever this is possible,” Lara says. Request to have a meeting with your manager and let them know in person. Or if you work remotely, set up a virtual call. Afterwards, you can follow this up by sending an email that outlines the details of your resignation.

According to Lara, the key details to include in a resignation letter are the date, a sentence to confirm that you’re resigning from your position, the reason for your resignation and how much notice you’re giving. This will include your final date of employment, as well as any support you’re willing to give in the form of a handover. Depending on your feelings, this is also a nice chance to share your appreciation for the company.

How much notice you give will depend on your employer agreement and any award enterprise agreement that your employment falls under. This can usually be found by checking your employment contract, or the Fair Work website.

How can I avoid oversharing?

“Resigning from any position is often a big decision, and it’s natural to want to share and talk about the decision with others,” Lara says. “Be mindful and intentional with who you choose to share this news with, and what information you share.”

For example, it’s completely fine to debrief and ask for advice from your partner, friends or family before resigning. However, it’s not considered professional to share this with your colleagues before informing your manager.

“If your personal brand and future opportunities matter to you, then you may wish to think twice before oversharing information that should be dealt with in confidence. This also extends to what you share on social media,” Lara explains.

“Announcing on your LinkedIn that you are grateful for your time with the company and are now ready to pursue new opportunities is fine. However, oversharing details regarding the details of your resignation, why you were unhappy in your role or expressing your dissatisfaction with the company on social media, is not considered professional and could impact your opportunities for future employment.”

How can I best deal with nerves?

It’s normal to feel a range of different emotions when resigning from a job. Whether you’re nervous excited, sad or frustrated, it can often be a big milestone and will naturally bring different feelings to the surface.

“Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions, prior to any communication taking place,” Lara tells me. “If you’re feeling angry, book yourself into a workout or a boxing class. If you feel sad, put on a sad movie and allow yourself to cry. If you’re feeling anxious or uncertain, try taking some deep breaths, go for a walk outside or journal.”

“When emotions are high, logic goes low and it’s in those moments that we often end up regretting the way we handled things. Consider how the version of you in five, 10 or 20 years would want to look back at this moment. Do you want to feel proud of how you handled this situation, irrespective of how challenging the circumstances may have been?”

For more on what to do before resigning from a job, try this.