Four Australian women share why they cheated on their partner

Is infidelity ever okay?

While in theory, the concept is simple, monogamous relationships can be complicated. Commitment of any kind is a promise and often, it’s one we can’t follow through on. But infidelity is a spectrum, and the discussion of what constitutes cheating has become a hotly debated topic.

There’s emotional infidelity, which can be slow and insidious in nature – like a friendship that snowballed into something more. Or there are extremely deliberate, covert affair operations, maybe those who consider signing up to sites like the infamous Ashley Madison. It’s all in the tagline: “Life is short. Have an affair.”

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Is cheating ever okay? Can relationships survive affairs? And if you have cheated on someone before, what led you to that point? We asked Fashion Journal readers to share their stories. Here’s what they had to say.

Thea* 21, she/her

I cheated on my partner a couple of weeks after we went exclusive. I’ve never been a super monogamous person so when someone I’d been yearning after for ages kissed me out of nowhere at 2am in a club, I immediately went for it. I actually don’t regret it at all. The relationship I was in was controlling, toxic and had no love in it. I just wish I hadn’t ruined my chances with the person I cheated on them with. No one likes to be the ‘side chick’, plus the guilt was horrific.

Myha*, 33, she/her

It’s still hard to talk about this, and it’s certainly not something I’m proud of. Because I’m both a terrible person and a cliche, I got super drunk at my work Christmas party and cheated on my boyfriend with someone I had been admittedly flirting with for a long time. It was pretty early on in the relationship. I was having doubts, thinking he maybe didn’t like me as much as I liked him.

The actions that follow obviously don’t make any sense and I wish I had an explanation. To make matters worse, I kept it to myself for about a week. I thought maybe the guilt would go away, or he’d figure it out without me having to say anything. Our relationship didn’t survive past that.

 Violet*, 23, she/her

I have more or less felt what it’s like to cheat on a partner emotionally. My (now ex) boyfriend and I were over five years strong when an old family friend, who I had always had a crush on growing up, suddenly took an interest in me. Through one flirtatious act that clearly showed we had been crushing on each other mutually all along, I realised there was more outside of what I had always felt I deserved.

It could be possible for a crush to like you back! I never acted on this crush physically but I definitely felt this realisation seeped into emotional cheating. Cheating isn’t ever okay or morally right, but it is sometimes what’s needed to help you realise what is missing in your life.

Jackie*, 29, she/they

After a particularly nasty string of arguments with my partner at the time, I went away with some friends for what turned out to be a crazy weekend. I know cheating is never justifiable but to understand my state of mind, we had been fighting on and off for months. He was manipulative and overly protective; I had tried to break up with him multiple times. We knew we didn’t work together.

Away from the confines of the apartment we shared, I went out and felt an instant connection with a girl I met at a bar. We ended up going home together, and the guilt was surprisingly late onset. Honestly, it was the catalyst to get out of that mess of a relationship. Do I feel guilty? Of course, and I wish it hadn’t happened in that way. I’m grateful I was able to forgive myself.

For more on emotional infidelity, head here.