How to avoid the comparison trap when your friends earn more than you

“You’re running your own race.”

In this advice column, careers coach and podcast host, Lara Nercessian, helps unpack a reader-submitted question about work, salaries and navigating feelings of comparison. To learn more from Lara, follow her here.

“I’m in my twenties and working full-time in a job I like but lately, I’ve been feeling weirdly resentful about money. A lot of my friends work in different industries and earn a lot more than I do. I know everyone’s on their own path but it’s hard not to compare when we’re talking about our salaries, holidays and everyday spending.

I can’t help feeling frustrated when I’m working just as hard but feel financially behind. It’s starting to affect how I think about my job and even my friendships, which I hate. Is it a sign I should reconsider my job?”– Salary Conscious

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Understanding comparison

Before anything, Lara offers a gentle reminder: it’s very normal to compare yourself to other people. “It’s okay to feel moments of disappointment, resentment or dissatisfaction when we feel that others have something that we want,” she says.

At the same time, there are ways to approach and handle feelings of comparison. One, of course, is by spiralling and focusing on everything we don’t have. “This creates a greater separation between you and the very thing you desire,” Lara adds.

Or, there’s an alternative approach. One that requires you to sit on the feeling and interrogate it. Rather than immediately giving way to a knee-jerk response, think of it as an opportunity to practice some gratitude and introspection. Sure, you might be earning a lower salary than your friends, but do you get better work perks? Are they working late nights while you get to work from home? Have they been at this longer than you?

In this way, comparing yourself, whether it’s about your salary, a certain milestone or something else, can be a jumping-off point to either challenge yourself or lean into a bit of introspection.

Value systems

Most of the time, we’re operating under a set of values when we choose our careers. For some people, that will be involve prioritising things like stability and a solid pay cheque. For others, it’s about creativity, flexibility or doing work that feels meaningful.

The tension, then, comes when those values don’t quite line up with our lives (or bank accounts). So it’s worth asking: what was driving your decision in the first place, and does it still resonate?

Thankfully, values aren’t fixed. What once might’ve felt important, whether that was gaining experience or getting a foot in the door, might slowly give way to a desire for financial security or a different kind of lifestyle. There’s nothing wrong with your values shifting, but it’s worth following the thread. If your values have changed, what do they look like now?

The compound effect

“When you stay committed to your work, your vision and the impact you want to make, there’s a compound effect at play,” Lara expains.

The term ‘compound effect’, popularised by author Darren Hardy, speaks to the idea of cumulative impact, where small, consistent daily actions and habits will lead to the biggest rewards.

As Lara says, this takes time. It’s about big-picture thinking, rather than immediate, short-term gratification. “We tell ourselves that we should be further along based on our age, what our friends are doing or how long we’ve been doing this for, and we end up pulling the plug prematurely,” she explains.

Though you might be feeling impatient, there’s a case for staying locked in and focusing on what you’re passionate about, irrespective of the time it takes to see tangible results. It’s also worth asking yourself: Although your entry-level salary might be low, is there a high growth potential? What would this look like if I stuck with it for five years?

“As jewellery designer and entrepreneur, Samantha Wills famously said, ‘It took me 11 years to become an overnight success’,” Lara adds.

Final thoughts

Comparison is a normal feeling to experience. “It’s okay to have moments where you catch yourself comparing your progress to others. This is a reminder of what you value, and what it is that you really want,” Lara notes. However, how long you decide to stay in that state of comparison is something you get to choose.

In moments where you’re feeling like you’re falling behind, her advice is to circle back to your values and remember that your success isn’t comparative to your friends’. You’re not a carbon copy of each other; you’re running your own race.

For more on the impacts of comparison, head here.