Reality dating shows aren’t made for plus-size women

I’m sure many of us have briefly entertained the idea of applying to be on the next season of The Bachelor. And if you’re feeling particularly manic, perhaps you’ve evened toyed with the idea of applying for the next season of Married At First Sight.

Perhaps you’ve even gone as far as to fill out the application form and answer all the silly and, let’s face it, sometimes offensive questions, like ‘How many sexual partners have you had?’ (I personally only include sober encounters in this number).

Honestly, as a writer, I’ve toyed with this idea more than most. These shows often give women platforms that allow them to really thrive in media careers. So a profile boost by appearing on a dating show actually seems like a pretty solid career move for me. I could become the next Abbie Chatfield. Let’s not forget that she has carved out her niche and created a career off the back of her time on a dating show – forget finding romance, career exposure is priceless.

I’ve filled out many reality dating show applications with girlfriends after one too many wines. Fine, I once filled out the application by myself stone-cold sober, but I’ve never bothered submitting the application – even when I was drunk!

Why? Well, it’s not because I’m camera shy but instead because I’m plus-size, and I know I’d either be rejected based on how many kilos I weigh or if I did manage to get on a reality dating show, I’d be treated less like femme fatale and more like a joke. I’ve rarely seen a plus-size woman on a dating show in Australia, and the few times I have, she isn’t treated like a love interest or even a human being – instead, she’s treated like a long-running joke.

Sure, I’d be happy to sign myself up to embarrass myself on reality television potentially, but I’m not prepared for my body to become a national punch line. The lack of plus-size representation on mainstream dating shows really bothers me. It seems to be screaming at women that being plus-size means you are not an eligible bachelorette. That plus-size women aren’t worthy of love, and that love is only available for small thin women (this is obviously incorrect, by the way).

You’ll also notice the few plus-size women that have done these shows often immediately afterwards lose a bunch of weight and then do a magazine spread where they usually discuss how much they hated their old body. I’m always left wondering if they really did hate their old body? Or did the reception they got from being on a dating show teach them to hate their old body?

It’s not very inspiring or helpful for other plus-size women to watch these women endure so much public criticism about their bodies that they feel the need to unveil a whole new one. I’m not judging these women, just acknowledging how being on a reality dating show has impacted them.

I know it sounds like such a silly thing. Reality shows are, after all, treated like the junk food of television – widely popular but not exactly highly regarded. Still, it’s hard as a woman to not see your body represented in mainstream media, and like it or not reality television is mainstream media. Growing up, one of the reasons it took me so long to accept and love my non-small body is because I didn’t see women with my body type being heralded by the general public as beautiful.

So yes, it bugs me that even when I was single and willing to sign up for love via reality television I knew that, unlike my thin friends, it was never really an option for me. Because while I’d love to represent plus-size women on reality television, I’m not prepared to participate until the way plus-size women are treated on reality shows has changed. And yes, that means I refuse to run the risk of getting matched with a guy that could potentially make comments about my weight.

Because it’s not reflective of how society really is. I’ve never had trouble getting a date or finding an attractive man to have sex with. Here’s the truth – reality television doesn’t accurately represent what men want in women. In my experience, men are open to all body types. Still, if you watched any mainstream dating show, you’d be left with the impression men are only romantically interested in one type of woman and (no surprises here) she’s very thin.

Part of me would love to be on a reality show about dating because I’d be so happy if a young girl saw my body on television, and it made her feel better about her own. But for now, I’ll just wait until reality television becomes a safe space for plus-size women.

Want to read more about fatphobia in Australia? Head here.