Sex and the silly season: How to stay horny when you’re home for the holidays

I’ve got a few tips up my sleeve.

Laura Roscioli is a sex writer based in Melbourne. She feels passionately about making sex (and the conversations around it) more accessible, approachable and open. She also believes that the best learnings come from lived experience, and she’s here to share hers with you each fortnight on FJ alongside other musings, experiences and questions. You can follow Laura on Instagram at @lauraroscioli.

Christmas is the horniest holiday of all. It’s the season of sexy jazz carols, clinking glasses of champagne, adorning your house with teeny tiny lights, indulging in gifts, sitting in the backyard on a warm night as the sun goes down, laughing with friends.

But I think what it boils down to for me is indulgence. Christmas always feels like this magical time of year when we’re all encouraged to dream, tell someone we love them and eat our favourite, richest dishes. To indulge in the things we’d otherwise maybe not…

Interested to hear how others navigate the world? Head to our Life section.

And this year, I’m in love. Like, properly. For the first time I can say I’m spending Christmas with the love of my life. We’ve been together for a year and a half, and it feels like the love you see in the movies, minus the toxic gendered dynamics and heteronormative tropes that lead to romantic misery. 

The one thing I’ve never had to navigate is how to stay horny through all the family shenanigans of Christmas. In past relationships I haven’t cared so much but now, the whole romance element of Christmas feels important. This year I want to experience it it all; I want to sing carols together and put up a Christmas tree, go present shopping and help each other choose gifts for family members. I want to drink too much champagne and kiss feverishly as we walk through the festive, lit up city. 

I also want to feel his hand on my thigh during Christmas lunch, in a way that’s innocently inappropriate and makes me flush. See, both our families are coming together on Christmas day to celebrate. We’re going to be surrounded by family before, during and after Christmas — young kids, siblings, parents and all. We’ll be staying in the same houses as our parents and families, and our schedules will be packed full of family-friendly activities.

And while I’m super excited for them to meet and enjoy wholesome some family time, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a tiny bit worried the environment might be a cockblock. And yes, I know I sound like a princess. But I love to indulge in the sexy side of everything, okay? I’m a sex writer! 

Surely our Christmas season can be 60 per cent family and 40 per cent lovin’ on each other. That seems like a fair ratio to me. Plus, truth be told I’ll be a much better family dinner guest if I’m doing some serious lovin’ behind the scenes. So, if you’re like me and you’re in love this Christmas — or even if the season just makes you feel horny and you want to get yourself a festive shag or two — I’ve got a few tips up my sleeve.

Play sexy Christmas music and get everyone else in the mood too

Surely everyone benefits from a sexy Christmas vibe? Our parents are on holidays too, maybe they need a little bit of festive spark themselves? A great way to set the sexy scene is to play sexy Christmas carols, like ‘Santa Tell Me’, ‘Mistletoe’, ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ and basically any song from The Holiday soundtrack. In my fantasy, everyone starts getting super cosy with their respective partners and stealing kisses in front of the family won’t be out of place. If nothing else, it’s a fabulous foreshadowing for a love sesh later on. 

Relish in quiet sex

Silent sex can be really fun. It can be a novelty, in fact. Creating something even sexier out of the situation is definitely an option. Take the chance to play with fire, have the thrill of public sex without having to actually break any rules. The thrill of not wanting to be heard is something I always forget about loving, but thoroughly enjoy. It might even be an opportune time to take out the silk restraint or eye mask? Get super silent and kinky with it. Eee!

Pace yourself with rich foods

I want to be clear, I’m not saying don’t eat them. I absolutely believe we should all indulge in everything at Christmas! But as an Italian-Australian girlie, I’ve had to learn to pace myself at big family events, so I can have a bit of everyone’s dish and not offend any Zias. So, I’m an expert at not feeling uncomfortably full. And if you’re looking to have a horny time this Christmas, I’d recommend it.

There’s nothing sexy about feeling bloated or heavy. Try to have a small bit of every course and remember you can always eat more if you’re still hungry afterwards. Plus, if you’re like my family you’ll be snacking for days after Christmas too.

I’d also like to say if you do feel uncomfortably full at any point, don’t be too hard on yourself. Know that it won’t last and you’ll be feeling sexy again very soon. Drink some Salvital (it’s my best friend after big meals) or if you want to keep the festivities up, drink a digestif like Montenegro or Averna. Coffee also helps. Anything for energetic romance!

Get into PDA

Sometimes, you just can’t get down and dirty. In those moments (and just generally), I’m a huge fan of PDA. Holding hands, squeezing thighs and putting your arms around each other can all be extremely satisfying ways of showing love and feeling loved, without sex. 

Not being able to have sex is also a great opportunity to do the things you did as you were falling in love, starting to date and getting to know each other. Things like eye contact, light flirtatious banter and taking notice of their good qualities in action (it might be how they talk to their mum, how patient they are with their daughter or how cute they are when they cook), that can allow you to feel love and desire in a big way. 

For more sex advice over the festive season, head here.