10 Australians tell us their housemate red flags

“A drink or a coffee before you sign the dotted line never goes astray.”

While the quirks of a dingy, overpriced sharehouse seem appealing in the newfound freedom of your twenties, it’s not always charming. Living with people can be a real test of your endurance. Whether you’re teaming up with buddies and signing a lease together, or moving into a pre-established place with fellow Fairy Flossers, sharehouses are about baring all and putting up with each other’s flaws.

A negative housemate experience is a rite of passage in your twenties. Personally, I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had some sort of horror story experience within the walls of a crusty, cold sharehouse. People can be messy, entitled and problematic making them difficult to put up with if you have mismatched expectations and values.

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But with the current cozzie livs, young people are renting single rooms in sharehouses more than ever before. Data shows millennials are three times less likely to own a home by the time their parents did. I don’t know about you, but few of my friends own their homes, let alone live by themselves. In fact, most 30-year-olds (give or take a few years) I know are still doing the housemate shuffle. As a 23-year-old currently paying an arm and a leg for a room, that doesn’t excite me too much. 

So, if this ritual of housemate swapping is bound to continue, how can we make it more bearable? I spoke to 10 Gen Zs and millennials about their housemate red flags, and what to look out for when you’re on the hunt for a new roomie. This is what they had to say. 

Teagan*, 28, she/her

Finding a housemate is an extremely weird thing people do. If they’re an existing friend, you’re risking an entire relationship over a potential minor disagreement. If they’re a stranger, well, you’re inviting a stranger to live with you after a 10-minute conversation. 

In my experience, most people can seem wonderful in a 10-minute meeting. But there are clues people can’t help but drop, like do they love free-to-air TV? If so, they’re likely going to hog the couch every night. Are they an only child? No disrespect to my only child friends, but if you grew up with a sibling, you’re going to mesh better with other people who grew up sharing close quarters. Do they have a partner that lives with their parents? If so, you now have two new housemates. Congrats! 

My advice would be to really consider the dynamic you’re looking for first and be upfront about it. If you want someone who is rarely home or you’re looking for a friend to contribute to the ‘community vibe’, find a way to express this up top. Ask them about their previous living experiences and what they liked and didn’t like. Also, a drink or coffee before you sign the dotted line never goes astray.

Seth, 25, he/him and Hunter, 25, she/they

S: I think [a red flag] is if it seems like someone is purposefully pandering to what I want. I would rather someone be upfront with what they’re after in a house or dynamic. If that aligns with me, then that’s great – but I think it’s important to live with someone who feels comfortable saying yes or no to things and being upfront from the beginning about their expectations. And honestly? Someone who’s queer. 

H: I was about to say that [laughs]. Feeling safe in your house is really important. I feel that if I made better decisions when I was younger, I would’ve felt safer in my old place. Living with a bunch of cis-het boys was a bad idea. Also, open communication is a must. Not necessarily in a ‘someone has died in this house’ way, but just honesty and transparency about the vibe of the house.

Laney, 23, she/her

I am living with four girls, and on the whole, it’s been a pretty good experience. But if I was to pick a red flag it would be not cleaning up after yourself. I know, its cliché, but you should only leave footprints and your essence. I would also say not spending enough time with the other housemates. Although I guess some people need their solitude.  

Erin, 28, she/her and Jess, 25, she/her

E: Obviously [a red flag would be] if you’re looking at a room in a pre-established share house and it’s disgusting. Like, if there’s shit everywhere. Also, when they tell you that they host lots of parties – but I suppose that depends. I feel like I would’ve been down with that when I was 21 but not anymore. Also, if there are revolving sublets/housemates, that’s a red flag. Like, why are people only staying there for three months?

J: A red flag for me is when someone doesn’t specify that they are LGBTQIA+ friendly… a big green flag is people who want to look after their house.

E: Yep, I lived in a university apartment in London and there were 10 of us in the flat. We had cleaners that came through twice a week and the place was still constantly disgusting. Also, people who stay in the bathroom for 45 minutes in the morning when you all have to get to class.

Josh*, 24, he/him

My biggest red flag would be avoiding confrontation. Sometimes it’s necessary, and just because you’re confronting someone doesn’t mean you’ll wind up having a tiff. Just handle it maturely. It’s frustrating when people don’t bring their grievances up… and there’s unspoken resentment.

I would say when looking for a housemate, from personal experience, it’s really important to get a good idea of their lifestyle before agreeing to live together. Figure out what type of work they do, whether they come home late or leave early, [find out] if they go out a lot or have people over regularly, whether they’re clean, etc.

Cassidy*, 22, she/her

For me, it’s a red flag if it seems like there’s an imbalance in the household and if it seems like people are being kind of excluded. I find that usually coincides with a problem with sharing spaces… in that situation, it can be hard when a housemate commandeers a space. It can be really uncomfortable to be in your own house.

Also, if there’s no cleaning schedule or discussion about who does what chores… it makes everything murky later down the track. So, transparency of expectations… [and] even making a roster is really important. Same for discussing bills and rent and how they are being looked after. It’s important to know what’s happening with the finances.

Also, pets are beautiful and amazing, and I love animals so much, but I would say it’s a red flag when people have pets that they don’t look after properly. Not picking up after them or cleaning up their messes is crap for everyone else.

If a potential housemate owns an animal, make sure they’re taking good care of them and not leaving it up to other housemates to look out for them. I was in a situation where I felt really bad for my housemate’s pet. I didn’t know how to say that it needed to be looked after better and trained so [its] mental and physical health was protected and nurtured.

*Names have been changed.

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