I found out my male colleague was earning $85k more than me, here’s what I did

I ranted and raged – and regretted it.

A few years ago, I was working for a well-known fashion brand in what most of my friends described as a ‘dream job’. My role involved travelling the world and sourcing inspiration for new concepts and collections.

It was just the right balance, it was creative yet commercial, intellectually challenging but not intensely stressful. I often pinched myself wondering how I’d landed such an incredible position. That is until a guy called Josh* was hired and everything totally changed.

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It all began one morning in a regular meeting with my boss when she announced someone new was joining my team. I found this a little weird given I ran the department, though he was to be in an adjacent role rather than reporting to me. But I didn’t read into it as my boss positioned him as a ‘genius’ and someone who would challenge my thinking.

I was initially excited to learn from someone new, but soon after he joined, I realised he had this simmering arrogance, an attitude that caused friction within the team. Shit hit the fan one night when our team went out for after-work drinks. We were a tight bunch and it wasn’t unusual for us to sink a few wines together after a busy week.

A couple of drinks in, Josh turned to me and boasted he’d received a huge salary increase by taking this job. Completely unsolicited, he then told me his number. His salary was $85,000 higher than mine. My reaction must have been written all over my face because he followed up with a smug, “That’s the same as you, yeah?”. It was most certainly not and I was floored. It didn’t make sense someone with similar experience was being paid that much more.

I spent the next three months carrying this information around

After my initial rage subsided, I took an objective look at my work and experience versus his but couldn’t see a reasonable explanation for the difference. Totally ill-equipped to deal with the situation, I was unsure of what to do next. My resentment built and I found myself knee-deep in negative feelings as I agonised over whether to confront my boss.

I swung from the angry “It’s illegal for them to pay him more for doing the same work. Illegal!!” to the self-righteous “He sucks! No one likes working with him! I have more responsibility and I have actual deliverables! He does NOTHING!”. The more I ruminated, the more I felt the need for vindication. I stewed and stewed and stewed some more.

After a while, I divulged everything to my boss

It happened during my annual performance review. The meeting began as usual, with my boss providing some praise and constructive feedback before sharing that for the third year in a row, I was receiving a special bonus of $5,000 alongside a $10,000 raise to reflect my contribution and performance. Because I secretly knew how much Josh was earning, I was visibly dejected and frustrated.

My boss looked confused and asked me why I wasn’t happier and more grateful seeing as most people get no increase at all. I had precisely two seconds to mentally prepare before blurting out the reason. When I did, the colour drained from her face, her expression one of abject horror.

I then went on to share the nitty-gritty of what I knew, how I knew it and why it was totally unfair. I ranted and raged – Josh sucked, Josh added nothing to the team, Josh had no responsibility and no one could stand working with Josh. I made it all about him and responded in the exact way experts say not to in this situation.

She responded poorly too, caught off guard with no rational explanation for the difference. Things quickly went downhill and I left the conversation even more furious than when I entered the room.

Curiosity over judgement

If I had my time again I would’ve switched the way I was talking about the situation to myself, acknowledging that on the surface it looked unequal but perhaps there were other factors at play. For example, sometimes people have more negotiating power when they’re switching jobs versus being promoted internally.

I also didn’t stop to consider my manager’s point of view. Only later did I realise she was between a rock and a hard place – she hadn’t actually hired Josh into the team, someone else had. She’d fought against giving him such a high salary given how it messed with benchmarks in her team. Through no fault of her own, she had to deal with the nuclear fallout of a decision that wasn’t actually hers.

I also wish I’d reframed the situation as a chance for me to leverage what had happened to increase my wage. I could’ve calmly approached my boss and stated the facts; two people doing similar work (arguably I was doing more) were being paid unequally, and I was concerned the business was engaging in gender-based pay inequality.

I could’ve reiterated my strong performance as evidenced by my bonuses and positive feedback and asked her to share a pathway that would lead me towards a salary on par with his. Unfortunately, no space was created for this conversation, partly because I’d responded angrily and partly because the business couldn’t come up with a valid reason for the difference. All of my salary requests were ignored. So in the end, I left.

Hindsight is 20/20

Do I wish I navigated this situation differently? Absolutely. Would it have resulted in a different outcome? Possibly, but also possibly not. The business was caught red-handed for doing a dodgy and to me, that was the nail in the coffin.

This whole debacle taught me a few valuable lessons I’ve carried forward into the rest of my career. If I’m ever faced with this situation again, I’ll be calm and measured, know my worth and stand my ground. If my value isn’t fairly recognised or rewarded, I’ll take a leaf out of my own book and leave.

*Names have been changed.

Looking for advice on how to secure a pay rise? Read this.