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Tips from a psychologist on how to overcome your fear of moving out 

PHOTOGRAPHY BY JESPER HEDE

WORDS BY AUDREY DENIER

Into the unknown. 

Before the pandemic began, I had some pretty extravagant plans imagined for my twenties. I was supposed to study in France à la Emily in Paris, but as the story goes, COVID-19 robbed me of my fantasies and left me crowded at home with my family of five. 

I’ll spare you the lockdown diaries because I’m sure most of you know the hell that is a family lockdown. I found a way to coexist peacefully, and to my surprise, this chapter at home assisted me in mending and strengthening my relationship with my family. 


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Two years later, and things are, dare I say it, returning to normal? We are budgeting for boozy Euro trips again, house parties are becoming crowded with strangers, and dream jobs are recruiting for face-to-face positions. I felt like I was finally getting my twenties back. It wasn’t until one of my friends proposed moving in together that I realised I wasn’t as ready to press play as I thought.

My reliance on my family during the pandemic had actually matured into codependency. I experienced a monsoon of worries about my future – financial independence, losing contact with family and friends, fear of making the wrong choice, fear of responsibilities. Where were these intrusive thoughts two years ago? 

Change might be inevitable, but that doesn’t mean you have to push your anxieties away, grin and bear it. I spoke with psychologist Rashida Dungarwalla of the Indigo Project to create a universal list of tips, techniques and resources you can use to make this transition that little bit smoother. 

Hi Rashida! Tell me about your understanding of FOMO (fear of moving out). 

Moving out is a huge life transition; you’re going into the unknown, the unfamiliar. If your home is one of safety, stability, security and familiarity, to leave that is very anxiety-provoking. There’s going to be a lot that’s new. And we know that as humans, in general, we go into overdrive whenever there’s a lot of unknowns. 

There’s a lot to consider when moving out, financial independence, household responsibilities and the dynamics of your new environment. Making those kinds of decisions while discovering and rebuilding relationships and connections and places of familiarity can be exhausting!

Sometimes the decision to move is prompted by our friends or by comparing ourselves to others. How do I make the right decision for myself?

This is a comparison trap that we can sometimes fall into when we are comparing where we are at with other people, especially people around us. We might assume that people are moving out at this age and really want to move out, but that isn’t the circumstance [we’re in]. Everyone is on their own path, and we just don’t get to see what is going on behind closed doors.

Moving out of home is such a big step in forming your own independent life and identity, separate from the family unit. So it’s really important to make sure that your move is genuinely something that you want to be doing, that it aligns with what you really value and where you see yourself. Check-in with yourself about what the catalyst is behind this move. And if you feel like it’s more because everyone else is, maybe it’s not the right time for you. 

Do you have any tips for young adults who are grappling with moving out of home for the first time?

I would say to try and keep a thread of commonality in your days, like drinking your coffee or tea at the same time each day, in the same sort of way. It’s about creating a ritual so that you have something to ground you amongst all of this chaos. 

It might be helpful to do a little research before you move. Find out what’s around you or preplan what you might be in for because to start researching while you’re moving might be more draining.

Keep [in contact] with family, [and plan] when it is that you might be going back to visit them. Try to have these conversations with them before you move so that you’re somewhat on the same page. Because then when you leave and if they’re expecting you to be coming home once a week, but you thought that you’d only really want to go home every fortnight, that might cause a little tension. 

There’s often this misconception that moving out requires starting a new life and becoming a new person. Do I have to leave my old life behind? 

No, you don’t have to sever those ties. It’s really important to have your support squad; it’s a familiar thing. So y’know, going home for home-cooked meals, even taking home-cooked meals with you to the new place, can feel like you’ve got that piece of home with you. Taking things from home that feels very familiar and homelike into your new environment can also be helpful. 

Any helpful resources I can hit up if I’m feeling anxious? 

In terms of professional support, you can see a psychologist and access 20 rebated sessions in a calendar year. There are also free financial support lines that people could call if they’re in that space of moving out and then realising that maybe they don’t have a plan around their finances.

It’s important to lean on your support squad [friends and family] when you’re going through any significant life transition. Talk to people who have moved out and what their experience is to have a reference point. And at the same time, recognise that their life circumstances and contexts will be different to yours. It’s okay to reach out to others; we shouldn’t feel like we have to do any major life transitions alone. 

For more on moving out, head here.

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