I’m rejected in my job every day but here’s what it’s taught me

“The only way to minimise the pain of rejection is to keep going.”

Rejection sucks. We could pretend it doesn’t, but it always does. Who wants to be told no? I’d say no one. But, as a freelance writer, rejection is built into my job description. I spend my life being told no, and I can’t even sulk about it for longer than five minutes. I just have to deal with it.

I’d say I experience rejection probably at least once a day because my career is about putting myself out there. I sit down every day, send various editors ideas and stories, and wait to see if they want me to write them. Often the answer is a big fat no. Most people deal with rejection in their jobs, but it’s usually not part of their daily routines. For every yes I receive, I’ve probably heard at least a million nos.

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Honestly, this is even before I’ve had my first coffee. My inbox is filled with many people telling me no, even people I admire telling me no! So, what has it taught me? Well, not to go all buzzword-y on you, but it’s taught me resilience, real resilience. I can rebound now from a no in less than five minutes, even when that no can be particularly painful to hear. Sure, it’s hard, but I’ve learnt that dwelling on it is very closely related to procrastination, and I just don’t have the time.

So, I have to move forward, allow myself five minutes to feel all the emotions – anger, annoyance, and disappointment – and then move forward. When I started writing, I became so fixated by the rejection that it paralysed me. It made me feel insecure and untalented. I didn’t know how to forge ahead. Now, I realise the only way to minimise the pain of rejection is to keep going.

If you sit with it too long and let it marinate, it can become crippling. But if you take a deep breath and move on to the next project, it can feel more like a blip than an ending. Once you think of rejection as part of the process rather than the verdict, it’s just much easier to deal with. Keep going, baby!

Rejection has also taught me to think outside the box if I have an idea that isn’t resonating with a publication. Instead of just throwing the idea in the bin, I rethink, I tweak, and I re-present. If I believe in something, I now search to find the hook that will reel people in. Because what’s the worst that can happen? I hear another no? Who cares. Sometimes you’re onto something, but you aren’t quite there yet and having it rejected can lead to very successful brainstorming.

Of course, sometimes an idea never quite finds its home but I’ve never regretted trying. These techniques have come in handy in my non-work life, from navigating friendships to dealing with fuck boys. Once you get used to rejection, you do stop fearing it so much. If your job is always about trying, you tend to get pretty good at trying in other areas of your life. Rejection has taught me that you may as well ask the cute barista out for a drink or ask your friend why they are being a bit frosty with you.

Why not? For most people, the answer is simple – it makes them feel vulnerable and exposed, and they fear rejection. But if rejection is just part of your daily routine, it’s hard to truly fear it. You have to embrace it. It’s also weirdly made me more confident because I am now in the habit of constantly putting myself out there.

I know that someone can say no to me, and I won’t shrivel up and die, which is very freeing. So it does make me bold, and it means my choices are defined by what I want rather than what I fear, which means I always shoot my shot and no clothes in my wardrobe are saved for ‘good’ occasions. Of course, I still don’t love being rejected constantly.

I’d love for my working week to be filled with yes and maybe even the odd, “Wow, you’re a genius!”. But it’s a necessary evil, and I’ve learnt to accept it, and I’m even learning to make sure it doesn’t define my self-worth. Naturally, I still have my bad days or the odd meltdown over a particular rejection that stings, but I think I’ve come to a good place with it, and I think being rejected has taught me how to rebuild and how to bounce back.

Yes, rejection always sucks, but what’s important isn’t the actual rejection, it’s how you handle it. You can let it consume and defeat you, or you can learn from it, and it can make you even more determined to get a yes.

For more on dealing with rejection, try this.