Should you have sex on the first date? An Australian sexologist weighs in

“As long as you are both comfortable, it can be a very positive experience.”

When it comes to dating, there seems to still be a running list of traditional – and typically heteronormative – ‘rules’ to follow for success. Keep an air of mystery, be confident but never cocky and if you’re a woman, always let the man pay. While some make sense (it’s best not to divulge everything to a stranger right off the bat), others feel outdated at best and sexist at worst.

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So if the chemistry, consent and communication are there, why not have sex on the first date? According to Carrie Bradshaw, there’s a three-date guideline to follow before sleeping with a potential love interest. Even in the era of dating apps, hookup culture and sexual liberation, these traditional conventions seem to be sticking around.

When it comes to sleeping with someone on the first date, is there a right answer? To find out more, I spoke to Australian sexologist and upcoming LoveX speaker, Bridget Scholes.

Why do you think there’s such a taboo surrounding sleeping with someone on the first date?

While the taboo surrounding sex on the first date is ‘fading’, there is nothing wrong with wanting sex on the first date if you’re comfortable with it. There are degrees of stigma attached to having sex on the first date depending on your culture, religion and the society you live in. Everyone is different. There can be old ideals and a stigma depending on gender when it comes to sex on the first date.

In your opinion, is there a correct answer? Should you sleep with someone on the first date?

There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to sleeping with someone on a first date. We now live in a world where sexuality and sexual expression are being embraced more and celebrated, so if the chemistry is there, it aligns with your identity and it feels good for you, why not?!

If both parties want to have sex on a first date, what are some steps they can take to help make it a positive experience?

Have a pre-conversation about your intentions, how you are feeling and if possible, about using protection if you plan on having sex on the first date. If it sits well with you both and consent is there, some steamy ‘sexting’ can help set the tone and also allow you to communicate with your date in a fun way… [talk about] what you would like and what feels good for you.

Make sure you are 100 per cent safe and comfortable with the person you are having sex with on the first date. Meeting out in a public space over a drink, coffee or dinner will give you a safety net to say no if you get to the experience and it is not your vibe!

Are there any benefits to having sex on the first date?

It can be fun, and a great way to explore different fantasies, create hot sexy desires and connect with your date on a physical level. As long as you are both comfortable it can be a very positive experience.

What are your tips for open and honest communication about sex?

Communicate and establish a level of trust… have a conversation about contraception and consent before delving into the ‘hotter’ conversations! Consider your boundaries and if sex is on the cards, discussing these beforehand [can ensure] you feel safe and respected before you get to the date.

Have a conversation pre-date to establish your desire to have sex – you can do this via text or over a call to get a really great vibe going. Talk about what you like and your desires when it comes to sex – this could include some sexting if the vibe is right.
Be clear about wanting casual sex and how it makes you feel.

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