A guide to the best sex toys for penis owners

“Have fun with it, use it the wrong way and laugh about it… there’s no pressure to perform or get everything right.”

Talking about our sex lives is slowly becoming less taboo. Once treated like shameful secrets, conversations around orgasms, masturbation, porn, kink and the many other facets of our private lives are finally becoming normalised. Still, when it comes to sex toys, those designed for penis owners still have a certain stigma attached.

While the toys typically associated with vulva owners (dildos, clit suckers, vibrators, etc) are discussed freely, penis toys are still somewhat taboo. But why? To find out, I spoke to Laura Miano, a Melbourne-based sexologist and the co-founder of sex toy concept store, Posmo.

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Laura attributes the sex toy disparity to a few factors. “[There’s a] fear of being perceived as gay – especially for using anal sex toys like plugs, beads and dildos,” she tells me. “A belief that sex toys make one’s ‘natural’ abilities inadequate, whether it’s their partner using one or using one for themselves, it takes away from the ‘rock-hard penis’ trope as delivering the ultimate pleasure.”

She also points towards general stigma for cis and straight men, “Which might be linked back to the anxiety around their vulva-owning partners using a sex toy that can pleasure them more than a man can. [This has] just generalised to fear and stigma around all sex toys… regardless of whether they’re only used for the penis.”

And while they may not be openly talked about, there are actually a bunch of options available for penis owners looking to incorporate sex toys into masturbation and play with a partner.

“Firstly, there are cock rings, which come in a range of different shapes, materials and functions… like those that vibrate or those wattachments to stimulate their own scrotum or their partner’s clit,” explains Laura. “There are also masturbation sleeves, again [which offer] many different varieties! Some are sans-vibration but have cool features, like the Spinner. [It] automatically spins around the head of the penis as it moves up and down the shaft.”

“Then there are the more tech varieties of masturbation sleeves, like the Arcwave. It has a little air suction function inside of it that creates a sucking sensation on the frenulum (also known as the banjo string).” Laura also suggests the Ohnut. “If their partner struggles with deep penetration, [the Ohnut] can be put onto the penis so they can penetrate without worrying about going too deep… the Ohnut creates a buffer.”

Plus, there are options designed for all bodies like air-suction toys, which can also be used on the clitoris. “Toys like the Satisfyer can also be placed on the frenulum to emulate a sucking sensation,” Laura explains. “Given the frenulum is the area that anatomically developed from the same structures as the clitoris, it’s super sensitive!”

For partnered play, there’s a range of options. “The We-Vibe Chorus is a great toy for a penis-vulva combo. It is inserted into the vagina and stimulates their g-spot and clitoris and then stimulates the penis during penetration as they rub their shaft along the vibrating arm inside the vagina… a very clever toy!”

“The Everstud Harness is also a great option for penis owners who want to explore anal sex,” Laura says. “Their partner can attach any harnessable toy, depending on the size, length and shape of the dildo they are after. They could attach the Curved Suction, Icicles Massager and Luzarte Groove, to name a few.”

If you’re wanting something a little less involved, Laura suggests the Pipedreams Deluxe, “A silky rope that’s perfect for both partners to try Shibari or other rope restraining activities.”

It’s important to remember that introducing toys into your sex life requires talking to your partner. “Communication and being transparent about your feelings is key,” Laura explains. “[You could say something like, ‘Hey, I’ve seen penis toys on Posmo and I’m curious to try them but I’m also really nervous and feel a bit embarrassed. Would you be open to taking it slow and exploring it with me?”

“Let your partner know you saw it in a movie, heard someone talking about it or came across it on a sex-related social media page and you’re curious. If ‘sussing’ rather than boldly propositioning feels safer for you, use a reference point like these to bring it up and check in on how you feel while you’re chatting,” Laura says.

“If you feel like you can lead into a discussion about bringing [a sex toy] in, then great. If not, at least you’ve primed the topic to be brought up for another day.” And if the idea of foraying into the world of sex toys feels a bit daunting, Laura proposes browsing ethical porn sites, like Bellesa or Erika Lust, to see how different toys are used. “Keep in mind that porn is entertainment, so not everything you watch will be realistic”.

She also encourages booking an appointment with a sex therapist so you can ask questions and unpack any anxiety that might be deterring you from giving sex toys a try. “Remember you don’t have to be a professional! Have fun with it, use it the wrong way and laugh about it… there’s no pressure to perform or get everything right,” she says.

“If you’re having fun, you’re doing it right. Even if the lubed-up dildo has slipped out of your hand for the fourth time.”

For more on sex toys for penis owners, head here.