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“I feel relieved”: Steph Claire Smith on being diagnosed with ADHD at 30

IMAGE VIA @stephclairesmith/instagram

WORDS BY DAISY HENRY

“That feeling of being a disappointment is heavy and I like to think the more I can understand the diagnosis and find ways of managing it in my day-to-day, that weight should lift.”

If it seems like more and more women you know are being diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) later in life, it’s probably because they are. The neurodevelopmental disorder, formerly known as ADD, affects brain functioning in several ways, impacting executive functioning and the ability to focus and regulate behaviour.

Commonly diagnosed in early childhood, ADHD affects around one in 20 Australians but it’s long been underdiagnosed in women and girls. ADHD can look a little different according to a person’s gender and has historically presented more often in boys than girls – but that’s not because girls don’t have it.


Interested to hear how others navigate the world? Head to our Life section.


While most research has focused on the external ADHD symptoms men typically experience, like hyperactivity, impulsiveness and fidgeting, there have been fewer studies dedicated to how symptoms manifest in women.

But thanks to growing awareness via social media and increased resources, women are now far better equipped to seek assessments and support. For Steph Claire Smith, an online creator and the co-founder of Kic (a health and wellness app), receiving a diagnosis after she turned 30 has made her feel “more relieved than anything”.

“At times, the frustration and anger I felt towards myself for not being able to shake a habit or create a new one, or even not being able to ‘control my reactions and emotions’ to certain things, upon reflection, make a lot of sense now,” she tells me. Below, Steph shares more about her experience since receiving the diagnosis and why she decided to open up about her ADHD with her audience of 1.4 million followers.

Hey Steph! You recently shared that you were diagnosed with combined type ADHD. Can you tell us a little bit about what that is?

I’ve only just been diagnosed, so I’m still learning what this means for me. But psychologist Rebecca McWilliam explains that: “To diagnose ADHD combined in Australia, clinicians refer to the DSM-5-TR [Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders] which outlines specific criteria. These criteria require the presence of at least six symptoms of inattention (e.g. difficulty sustaining attention, forgetfulness or trouble organising tasks), and at least six symptoms of hyperactivity-impulsivity (e.g. fidgeting, inability to remain seated, excessive talking or interrupting others).”

There’s obviously a little more to it, so anyone concerned or thinking about it should definitely consult a professional.

How has being diagnosed at 30 changed your relationship with your past self?

I feel relieved more than anything and sad for the Steph who judged herself too harshly in the past. At times, the frustration and anger I felt towards myself for not being able to shake a habit or create a new one, or even not being able to ‘control my reactions and emotions’ to certain things, upon reflection, make a lot of sense now. I think If I’d known about the cause of some of these challenges, I may have been more patient or empathetic to myself in those moments – and certainly will be going forward.

I also would have been able to communicate what I was going through to the people it may have been directly affecting, instead of just constantly apologising and saying I’d do better, even when I didn’t fully buy it myself. That feeling of being a disappointment is heavy and I like to think the more I can understand the diagnosis and find ways of managing it in my day-to-day, that weight should lift.

 

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How do you think people’s attitudes towards things like ADHD have changed since you were in high school?

From what I can see, attitudes have changed immensely since high school. And I believe that comes down to the increased awareness of ADHD traits in women and girls. Rewind the clock 15 years, we would’ve pictured the highly energetic, disruptive boy in class. Now, we understand that it shows up so differently in women.

In my experience, the majority of the sentiment online has been positive and supportive, but there is the minority who have said things like ‘everyone has ADHD now’ as if it’s a trend, which can be disheartening and dismissive to people who are genuinely struggling in their day-to-day lives.

The validation my diagnosis has given me is surreal and after speaking with so many women who have also been diagnosed later in life, I know they feel the same way. As they say, ADHD is a superpower! It’s all about knowing how to both utilise and nurture it, which I’m still learning to do.

How has this diagnosis made you more aware of making sure Kic is accessible for people who are neurodivergent?

The diagnosis has been a reminder that everyone is so incredibly unique. Just because the system, structure or space works for you, doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. We encourage open communication with our team as well as anonymous surveys to understand how we can make our workplace more supportive. We work out of The Commons, which is a co-working space and there are so many booths, quiet spots and even a big pit of pillows to work in.

We empower our team to utilise the space and step out of the office when they need to really focus, or need some time away from their screens. We have a hybrid working environment and our team works from home two days per week, which is the perfect mix of collaboration time in the office and focus time from home. The ADHD world is still very new to me, but I’m eager to learn how I can help both myself and other neurodivergent team members thrive.

 

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Why was it important for you to share what you’ve been going through?

Like many undiagnosed ADHD’ers, I had this perception of myself that I was this lazy, forgetful, unintelligent person. A narrative I’ve unfortunately had my entire life. The frustration I would feel in myself for finding some of the simplest tasks overwhelming or challenging and the overwhelming sense of disappointment in myself for not being able to shake certain habits or traits of mine that I disliked really got to me.

Getting the diagnosis has allowed me to understand myself a little bit better and to be kinder to myself, knowing there’s a perfectly good explanation behind some of these challenges and that it’s not my fault. It was important to me to share because I have always taken that approach with everything I’ve gone through – in the hopes that I can help people feel a little less alone in whatever they’re going through. The more I learn about it, the more fascinating I find it and the more I want to share my journey.

What has the response been since you shared your story on your Kicpod podcast?

Mostly positive, which is unsurprising because our community is the whole reason I felt so safe to open up about it in the first place. They’re the most supportive bunch. The stories and messages I got made me feel less alone and encouraged a lot of them to open up to their own loved ones about it too.

There were always going to be people who judged and felt the need to voice their negative opinions, but I didn’t open up about it for them. I opened up about it for those who have felt isolated in a similar experience and for myself really… to ensure I could continue showing up authentically and be connected with the right people and resources to better understand what I’ve been through.

Do you have any helpful resources for people who might have been diagnosed as well as their friends and family?

I’m very early on in my diagnosis, so in all honesty, I’m still figuring it out myself. But one book that I was recommended by several ADHD girlies was The Year I met my Brain by Matilda Boseley. Matilda shares her personal journey but also shares tidbits from experts so it was such an easy way to digest quite a lot of information.

For more ADHD resources, try this.

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