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What is your erotic blueprint and how can it increase your pleasure?

WORDS BY Kelly Marie Smith

Erotic blueprints provide a universal language for what gets your engine revving and what cuts your engine short.

Do you know what turns you on? You know, that all-encompassing feeling of desire for a person, or maybe just for yourself. How do you get there? Often our understanding of intimacy and pleasure is restricted to what gets the job done.

Or maybe it’s been formulated by your one-off sex-ed class in high school that left you with a lot to be desired – or forever turned on at the mere sight of a Lebanese cucumber. Whatever the case, we all deserve to know what brings us erotic pleasure. And that’s where the erotic blueprint comes in.


For more sex talk, head on over to our Life section.


It provides a universal language for what gets your engine revving and what cuts your engine short. So often, we can feel as though we are speaking a different language to our partner (or partners) in the bedroom, and as it turns out, most of us are hideously unaware of our erotic needs.

This might sound like a concept straight out of Gwyneth Paltrow’s mouth, and it is, but it didn’t start there. The story of the erotic blueprint predates Gwynnie’s vagina candle and the Netflix series it was recently featured in, Sex, Love and Goop.

Developed by award-winning somatic sexologist Jaiya (who, impressively, only goes by the one name) these bedroom personality types show a pattern of arousal – what quenches one person, dries up another.

Jaiya discovered that we could find our roots of pleasure by knowing which of the five erotic blueprints we align with. But what are these five maps to pleasure heaven? In order to bring you the good news, I spoke to Dr Jae West, one of four certified erotic blueprint coaches in Australia.

“In my mind, the erotic blueprints are a framework of understanding how everyone is wired different to pleasure. Things that people are most familiar with are the five types. These can be characteristics, or archetypes in some ways – it’s just how we show up and how we are wired,” she explains.

The five erotic blueprints are described as ‘superpowers’, while what hinders pleasure for you is called a ‘shadow’. But by no means are you locked into one blueprint. Many people fluctuate between different types, especially if you experience a menstrual cycle. So let’s delve into these types.

Energetic

These are people who get aroused by anticipation, tease and longing – they are also prime candidates for orgasms without physical touch. “These are people that are super empathetic. As lovers, they can feel what their lover is feeling and be guided by that,” Dr Jae says.

But energetics can be very hypersensitive, meaning they can ‘short-circuit’ or disassociate if met with too much sexual stimulation too quickly. So take your time, whisper sweet nothings and set the scene for your energetic lover.

Sensual

Do you know someone who makes noises of pleasure when eating? As though smells, textures and tastes are giving them erotic pleasure? They are probably sensuals.

“These are people who love all their senses to be indulged. It’s the people that will wear beautiful silks, and they smell yummy,” says Dr Jae.

Sensuals will get aroused by romantic encounters, luscious words, mood lighting and those red roses you see in Hollywood movies – it’s all about the connection and journey for them.

But Dr Jae explains that their shadow is the ‘busy mind’, and they can be turned off when the ‘little things’ go wrong. “If they’re too much in their mind, whether external things are going on, say the music’s too loud or the wrong song comes on, it’s like, ‘Woah – I can’t be in the moment, something is distracting me’. Or internally it might be self doubt or not feeling good in your body. You don’t give yourself permission to receive.”

Sexual

The sexual type is what we stereotypically see sex as in society. These individuals are visually stimulated, have a devout appreciation of the naked body and are very direct and forward when discussing sex.

Sexuals are very simplistic due to being incredibly turned on by nudity. They are unashamed of wanting pleasure, but that doesn’t make them superficial.

“Sexuals are very in touch with their primal urges of wanting to be intimate. And so when we reframe sexual in that light there’s just this innocence to it that is so beautiful and should be celebrated,” Dr Jae tells me.

But like any other blueprint, the sexual’s shadows can lead to problems when there is no line of communication. They often don’t understand some people’s need for all the bells and whistles – to them, sex is uncomplicated.

“When you compare the sensual and the sexual, a sensual will need to relax before being intimate, the sexual will become relaxed through sexual engagement. Again it’s learning this language, so you understand how you’re wired.”

Kink

This is the blueprint that causes the most confusion. Dr Jae tells me that many people don’t realise the kink blueprint is defined as anything that is taboo for you.

“For one person, kink could be having sex before marriage because they’ve grown up in some sort of a religious family, so that’s breaking the norm. For another it might be more of that stereotypical way of seeing kink, which is the BDSM kink.”

Kink blueprints are also split into psychological and physical, with the psychological kink alluding to the more imaginary aspect of play. Think reading erotica together, submerging in a fantasy or playing mental games.

“You can be kink wired just through the mind play, you might not like all of the spanking and scratching. That’s a common thing I like to bring awareness to people… it’s that subtle distinction that gives people permission to explore.”

Kink superpowers include creativity and safety. They can create powerful dialogues that dissolve a lot of the shame around talking about sex in our culture. On the other hand, one of their prominent shadows, shame, arises from judgment felt from society due to an apparent lack of understanding.

Shapeshifter

These sexual beings are strong in all four of the blueprints’ superpowers, but the flipside of this is that all the accompanying shadows can equally inhibit you. “You can go for hours, you’re just so curious as a person and you just want to celebrate any sexual expression.”

The shadow aspect that often arises for shapeshifters is limiting themselves to only speaking the language of their partner. This leads to a lack of nourishment for their other blueprints, leaving them feeling unfulfilled.

Be curious

I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is no. There are not two blueprints that are incompatible, so you can leave that for astrology to dictate. Dr Jae tells me the first step is understanding what blueprint you and your partner align with so you can communicate.

“In that way, every single couple has the capability if both partners are willing to show up and learn about one another and get curious about one another. Then every relationship and every blueprint can play well together.”

Second, get curious. Expand and understand what that blueprint represents in your partner – don’t make assumptions.

“If your partner turns around and says, ‘Oh, actually I’m kinky’, your mind might go to a completely different place. It’s like, woah can I actually step back, really actively listen to my partner and put myself in their shoes to understand what that means for them.”

It’s not just about sex

Honouring your blueprint and needs doesn’t necessarily mean engaging in sexual play. “If I have a sensual part of me that’s not being met, maybe I should go get a massage, or maybe I have to burn some nice smells. There are so many other ways to get these blueprints fed. It’s just a way of understanding yourself,” explains Dr Jae.

Knowing your blueprint brings a new level of appreciation and erotic understanding to your life. Taking ownership of what’s a fuck yes for you and what’s a fuck no, creates valid consent, safety and opens up a whole new world of play.

Articulating your needs during intimate moments becomes much easier, setting you and your partner up for success and, of course, much more pleasure. But most importantly, as Dr Jae tells me, you learn to love your body and its unique roadmap.

“It simplifies everything for you. If you could just turn to your partner and say, ‘Oh, sorry, I’m super sensitive at the moment, my energetic is coming up strong’, that reduces their risk of taking things personally. Instead it’s like, cool, well what do you need right now?”

For more on erotic blueprints, try this.

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