What’s it like hiring a sex worker as a woman?

“Hiring a professional is a far safer alternative than jumping on dating apps… It’s also a far better way to guarantee you’ll be left satisfied.”

Picture a person hiring a sex worker. What gender are they? Social narratives surrounding sex work have somewhat improved, but stigma and stereotypes remain. One of the most pervasive is that men are the only ones who pay for sexual services.

But there’s a growing demographic of buyers that’s far less discussed, and they’re in the market for several compelling and complex reasons. Yes, we’re talking about women. 

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“Nobody has sex in a vacuum, we’re not holes in a wall,” says Dr Hilary Caldwell, a sexologist who authored the first major study into women paying for sexual services in Australia.

“There’s a lot of things that happen during a sexual experience. The intimacy, the dance, the connection. Those are the things people seek and really want from sex, whether they consciously realise it or not. 

“Even when those things are commercial, they are highly valued. When we think of people seeking sexual services, reasons are often the same for all genders; people want to learn, experiment and have variety.” 

Among Dr Caldwell’s findings is that the market for sexual services is growing all the time. “There are more open conversations and more focus on female pleasure, which is encouraging a lot more women to experiment with sexual services. We’re seeing a lot of women who don’t identify as queer, bi, gay or lesbian hire female sex workers too, simply because they want the experience of receiving and feeling safe. We need to move away from gendered ideas when it comes to sex work.”

Amy*, 38, agrees. “I’ve hired a number of sex workers in a number of countries now. Professionals of all genders,” she says. “At first, it was a way for me to experiment and explore my sexuality without judgement or expectation. Then it just became fun! The industry still has a fairly negative reputation, which I think speaks to the shame society still places on sexuality in general.

“I travel a lot for work, which makes it hard to maintain a relationship. But obviously, I still have needs. Hiring a professional is a far safer alternative than jumping on dating apps – especially when you’re in a foreign country. It’s also a far better way to guarantee you’ll be left satisfied.” 

Rachel*, 45, says every woman should hire a sex worker. “Honestly, it’s the best way to really explore. If you have kinks or things you want to try but are too scared to ask for in a different context, this is the time!

“I’ve paid for sexual services of all kinds; topless waiters and waitresses, escorts and sex workers. My experiences have always been lovely. They are human beings delivering a service – they are literally professionals – so if there is anything you want to try or learn, why not learn from the best?”

Tara*, 51, is a sex worker herself. For her 50th birthday, she wanted to see what it was like ‘on the other side of the door’. “It was difficult to be the one receiving at first, as I was used to being the giver in that context. But it was nice to have someone take over control. The attention to detail and general commitment to my own satisfaction was really wonderful”

Tara has seen a huge uplift in the number of women seeking her services. “Women are becoming more open as the narrative around female sexuality becomes more open. They want to explore more, they want to experience more pleasure, and they’re rejecting shame. It’s a safer way to have their needs met. 

“I see a lot of women on their own who are rediscovering their sexuality later in life – after kids or after a divorce – and also couples who want to experiment in a safe environment. Some female clients have been given the green light from their husband to come and see me and explore a different side of their sexuality.  

“A lot of women come through who are in high-pressure roles and in need of stress relief without having to ‘return the favour’. Really, clients of all genders come to me for some respite and a loving touch. We’re part-time therapists, a lot of the time. Sex is the least part of it.”

Tara encourages people to see sex work for the specialist professional service that it is.

“If you want to explore something, go to the source. If you want advice about your teeth, go to the dentist. If you want to learn about your sexuality, go to a sex worker. All women should have a wonderful sex life. We all deserve it.” 

*Names have been changed

For more about hiring a sex worker, head here.