79 feels I had at last night’s Taylor Swift concert

How it feels to see the almighty Tay.

So before we get into this, I just want you to know there’s a guy selling unofficial, homemade, Taylor Swift merch
Including unoffical ‘Taylor Swift ears’
And people are actually buying it
I’ve never seen more people in one space in my life
I’ve never seen more underage girls and unhappy paternal chaperones in my life
“DAD STOP PUSHING”
Except that dad. HE IS KEEN
Surprised there’s not more red lippy
Surprised there’s not more people over 18 who aren’t escorting younger children
Am I lame for being here? Am I actually lame?
Can confirm I’m not lame. Just spotted a mum wrapped in fairy lights and a tutu.
Also there’s a select group of parents who have clearly dragged their children along as a way to not look lame
Exhibit A: mum whose two 3-year-olds are wearing noise-cancelling headphones
Exhibit B: mum who is wearing unofficial ‘Taylor Swift ears’
Side note: Vance Joy is amazing
Omg we caught a glimpse of T
OMG WE CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF T
Veronica is so excited that she just snapchatted a selfie letting everyone know she caught a glimpse of T
(Veronica is also from the FJ office and absolutely loves T)
Ambience starts building
A curtain dramatically drops to reveal….
…
…stage techs.
There goes Tay’s dramatic/glamorous/breathtaking entry
To the man who presses button to drop curtain, YOU HAD ONE JOB
Tay emerges in what can only be described as the Taylor Swift uniform
Midriff? Check.
Suspicious absence of belly button? Check.
White rimmed wayfarers? Check.
Red lippy? Check.
Awkward dancing like a baby giraffe but with longer limbs? Check.
Announcement that there is something we should know about her before we begin
(This is going to be good)
“I WAS BORN…
…
…
…IN 1989!”
SHE THROWS HER ARMS DRAMATICALLY IN THE AIR AND PAUSES FOR APPLAUSE
CROWD CHEERS BECAUSE TAY IS OUR LEADER AND WHAT SHE SAYS IS GOSPEL
“She’s like a beautiful sparkly princess” – Veronica
After standing up and dancing (because it’s a Taylor Swift concert and that’s obvs what you do), we’re now sitting back down because the people behind us are getting shitty
Stood right back up because ‘Blank Space’
She has a runway
The woman has a runway
Mate, this isn’t Victoria’s Secret
Is she carrying a whip?
So raunchy. Plz Tay. This is a Taylor swift concert
Enter seriously grungy mix of ‘Trouble’
This looks like a strip show. Topless boys. Poles. Tight white pants. Red lights. Ya know.
And grunting???
“That was so saucy” – Veronica
Ok so she keeps pointing and smiling at some imaginary point in the distance like she just spotted her bestie
Like it’s a VS show
IT’S NOT A VS SHOW
She’s done this tour too many times and has lost any remnant of authenticity. Not buying it, Tay
But Veronica is. Bless her
Enter video montage of Tay’s girl squad talking about how they met the Swiz
Also have we determined the criteria to be in Tay’s girl squad?
Also do you think she has a favourite Haim sister?
Costume change to another midriff/flip skirt ensemble
Veronica really likes that she’s a really dorky dancer because it makes her feel like she could be a pop star too. Keep dreaming V, don’t stop believing
We’re all now playing ‘sing along with Tay’
Or at least ‘echo Tay.’ That’s the role she’s allocated to us. Her echo
As she ascends into the air like an angel on a giant illuminated platform
She’s now rotating over the crowd on said giant illuminated platform
Over her people
Wave to us Tay. Wave to your people
NOW PLAYING LOVE STORY
Well, a disappointing dubstep keyboard version of ‘Love Story’
She’s now in a sequinned gown Veronica has commented appropriately, “Now she truly looks like a sparkly princess.”
You haven’t heard off-key vocals until you’ve heard an entire stadium trying to sing the ahuh-uhhh bit of ‘Wildest Dreams’
We’re now at ‘Shake it Off’ and every. Single. Person. Is. Shaking. It. Off.
TAKE THAT PEOPLE BEHIND US
HOLY HELL BALLS THERE ARE FIREWORKS
AND CONFETTI CANONS
And it kinda smells like popcorn?
Only the best for our inimitable leader who gracefully bows off stage
With my heart rate through the roof from those fireworks and Veronica’s voice completely gone, it’s time to call it a night
Thank you Tay Tay, luv ya xo