Why am I so emotionally attached to my wardrobe?

Learning to let go. 

For the past few years, I’ve been focused on mindfully curating a wardrobe that portrays the version of myself I want to present to the world, one that feels authentically me. The easy part has been finding items that speak to my personal style. The hard part has been clearing out the items I no longer reach for.

Every time I attempt a wardrobe clearout, I’m determined to apply a cutthroat mentality, ready to cull everything that no longer aligns with my vision of a dream wardrobe. But as I begin the process of separating my closet into ‘keep’ versus ‘rehome’, I’m faced with internal resistance. 

There are so many memories attached to these pieces that saying goodbye can feel as though I’m letting go of a past version of myself – a version that once loved those jeans and would never have dreamed I’d outgrow them (physically or aesthetically). It’s like saying goodbye to a younger me that I see represented within the cut, colour or style of an item. It feels as though I’m letting go of that time of my life or giving up on the version of me who hoped I’d one day have the confidence to wear a certain piece.

At the same time, I have friends who are quick to sell any clothing that is no longer on high rotation in their wardrobe to make space (and budget) for other pre-loved buys. This circular approach to fashion means they’re often wearing something new. Admittedly, it makes me a little jealous. 

Eager to understand my emotional attachment to my wardrobe as a way to dismantle it, I began research. It turns out that a mix of both psychological and economic principles come into play.

What the studies show

A phenomenon brought about by the work of psychologist Jean Piaget, ‘the endowment effect’ explains that we tend to attach a higher value to items we already own than other similar items we don’t. It’s closely tied to ‘loss aversion’, a universal bias that tells our brains that losing a beloved item is more painful than the joy of gaining a new one. Some studies have suggested that loss aversion has protected us throughout human evolution as it encourages us to minimise risk. It’s like the old adage, ‘a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush’. This was particularly important for human survival thousands of years ago but in regards to my wardrobe, not so much. 

Also in play here are the economic concepts of ‘willingness to accept’ and ‘willingness to pay’. Because we value items we own more highly, what we’re willing to pay for an item is typically lower than what we’d be willing to accept when selling it. Again, it’s a cognitive bias that isn’t super useful today. For example, I might demand more money to part with my favourite Levi’s than I would pay to acquire the very same pair (I’m sure many of us have missed selling an item due to refusing reasonable offers). 

Then there’s the concept of ‘enclothed cognition’. One particularly famous study has shown that what we wear can directly influence how we act, think and feel. For the study, researchers split people into two groups, one wearing lab coats and the other without. The researchers then gave the groups attention-related tasks. Ultimately, they found those wearing the lab coats performed better and displayed increased attention. 

We know intuitively too that the right clothing can increase our confidence and help us embody a particular role or identity. If you’ve ever felt underdressed, for example, you might notice yourself acting a little more reserved or cagey than usual, or lacking in your usual self-confidence. All of this reinforces our attachment to items that have made us feel good, making it all the more difficult to say goodbye. 

No regrets

The truth is, I’ve never once regretted rehoming an item I never wore. Sure, there have been times when an item I donated years ago would have worked for an event or dress-up party, but then I think about the many wears its new owner has (hopefully) gotten out of it instead. I think about all the times it made them feel confident, comfortable or like their hottest selves, and I know I made the right choice.

That coat or dress hanging at the very back of your closet, out of sight and almost always out of mind, may very well be the exact item someone has been scouring market stalls and combing the internet for. If you continually find yourself putting that item right back where it was, it’s most likely time to rehome it. Your style is worth selling because without doubt, somebody out there wants it.

In recent years, I’ve made it a priority to clear out unworn clothing items before buying new ones. Many of the items I no longer wear are quality pieces still in great condition but they simply don’t get enough use, like my most comfortable blue and white Acne Studios knit, the Maggie Marilyn skirt that didn’t quite fit or a vibrant orange Scanlan Theodore tank that I decided was a little too bold for me. 

It’s not easy, given the sentiment I attach to clothing, but it’s helped me build a better wardrobe overall. To better motivate myself, I’ve been seeking out ways to streamline the selling process. If it’s easy to rehome the pieces I can’t let go of, I’m hoping I’ll be more likely to move them on. 

I now list items for sale on Sundays, when I have a little more ‘me’ time. eBay has printer-free pickup and delivery, so I don’t need to leave the house if I make a sale. I can simply write the address and code directly onto the parcel, organise a doorstep pick-up and the rest is up to the platform’s delivery partner, Sendle.

There’s also no need for face-to-face interactions and better seller protections. I know if a buyer claims their item never arrived but my tracking shows otherwise, I won’t be financially responsible for the refund. There’s no need to worry about scammers or unethical buyers.

Although several evolutionary and psychological biases are working against us when it comes to parting ways with our clothes, it helps to be aware of them. I’ve noticed I’ve become more gentle on myself in recognising why I struggle to ‘let go’. I’m getting better at applying logic and objective reasoning when clearing out my wardrobe, rather than be dictated by emotions alone.

If you too are holding onto items purely because of an emotional attachment, it may be time to let someone else cherish them.

eBay is not endorsed by or affiliated with any of the brands referenced in this article.

To take the next steps to detach from your wardrobe, head here.