03/08/2015
A wardrobe full of trials and tribulations.

Words by

Kathryn Carter

There is a lot that is beautiful about winter. 

Frosted windows, towering naked trees, the sight of your breath tumbling into the cold. 

But for those of us who struggle to leave the house in subpar style, wintertime can mean a wardrobe full of trials and tribulations. After a morning of laying idle in the warm spot of your bed—a grace period that can last between two to seventeen minutes—you must face your sad dilemma: look amazing, or stay warm? 

Sure, you can do both. But every so often even the best dressed of us suffer at the hands of Mother Nature. So here are six things we really won’t be missing about winter. 

1. When you have to take off your beanie 

You thought the beanie was a good move, it added some oomph to your look, and it made you feel kind of ghetto. It’s okay, we’ve all been there. And to be fair, you probably did look kind of gangster, at least until you took it off. But few can escape the wrath of beanie hair, a style scourge that runs rampant all winter season long. 

2. When your stockings become adhesive 

Because you shouldn’t have to wear pants to keep the cold out, man created tights. Unfortunately, we’re still figuring out how to wear them, or at least, how to wear them right. You start out strong, you select the ideal colour; you find your appropriate size. But not even the perfect denier will stop your skirt from glad wrapping your nylon thighs. 

3. When you gain winter (wardrobe) weight   

You don’t really care if wearing the singlet beneath the cardigan that is below the jumper that is under the coat makes you look dramatic, because you are cold, and you can no longer feel your face. It’s only when you catch your snowball-esque silhouette in a shop window that your vanity spots the error in your slightly melodramatic ways.     

4. When your scarf attempts to take your life 

Your overenthusiastic scarf enswathement has left you hot and bothered. You know you’re probably overreacting, but you wonder what it feels like to suffer from mild asphyxiation. You try to pull it looser, but you manage to pull it tighter. Flustered and red in the cheeks, you concede defeat.   

5. When your footwear fails you

You ignored the advice your mum gave you when you were small. You decided it wasn’t important to wear sensible shoes. Because the only pair of sensible shoes you own didn’t match your new jumper. Now it’s the end of the day, and inside of your chic, impractical shoes it feels like somebody has wrapped damp tea towels around your soggy feet. 

6. When your umbrella becomes a hazard 

It’s raining, you remembered your umbrella and you feel great. But as you reward yourself a metaphorical golden star, the wind picks up. Suddenly your umbrella isn’t an umbrella; it’s a wind sail. But it’s okay, your umbrella doesn’t drag you far before it pops completely inside out. Now you’re the person with the inverted umbrella, and you’re wet. 

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