We asked a human male to road test face moisturisers

My month of moist skin.

I, like many of my fellow human beings, like my face to feel nice. But here’s the deal: I don’t really have a skincare routine. I just splash hot water on my face in the morning and apply whatever lotion is kicking around in the medicine cabinet.

So with that in mind, I spent the last month trying more creams and potions than I knew existed.

Brand: Triumph & Disaster
Name: Gameface Moisturiser
From: triumphanddisaster.com
Price: $55
The first thing I noticed about male moisturisers is the length they go to brand themselves in a distinctively ‘masculine’ way. Sometimes this works, other times it doesn’t. It does for Triumph  & Disaster, because its description makes me think about James Dean falling off a motorcycle (read: cool guy doing cool things). This is my favourite and I use it every day now.
Rating: 5/5

Brand: Kiehl’s
Name: Facial Fuel
From: kiehls.com.au
Price: $39
This bad boy was real good. It smells like peppermint and genuinely feels refreshing. If I had to describe how putt ing this moisturiser on felt, it’d be like when you water a dying plant and you see the soil soak it all up rapidly. I’ve killed many a plant in my time, but I think my skin would last longer than my ferns if I used this consistently.
Rating: 4/5

Brand: Got-To
Name: Bro-To Very Useful Face Cream
From: gotoskincare.com
Price: $41
After putting this moisturiser on, two colleagues told me I looked greasy. But then again, I’ve been told that a lot in my life (thank you, Italian gene pool) so I’ll take it with a grain of salt. To be fair, this smelt like oranges and wood. I quite liked it. But it felt a bit thick. I’d probably lather this on if  my skin was particularly cooked.
Rating: 3/5

Brand: Hunter Lab
Name: Daily Face Fuel
From: hunterlab.com.au
Price: $49
This is one high-end face cream. It feels luxurious, and was definitely a major step up from my usual supermarket go-to. It’s filled with avocados (delicious), macadamias (also delicious), and passionfruit (a banging Drake song), which all coalesce into a product that feels natural.
Rating: 4/5

Brand: Handsome
Name: Facial Moisturiser
From: ha.ndso.me
Price: $24.95
I probably liked this the least, but mainly because the copywriting put me off : “You’re a man and you want your skin to feel nice. That’s OK.” It’s a nice sentiment, but I don’t need permission from a cardboard box to live my life. That aside, this smelt like wood and honey (enticing), but felt like I was applying sunscreen (less enticing).
Rating: 3/5

This article was originally published in Fashion Journal 177. You can read it here.