This is what we’ll be wearing in 2017

Pack your hologram backpack.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m a liiiiiiittle disappointed in how this whole ‘future’ thing has panned out. 

When I was a budding fashion designer in year 8, I designed a shoe that had real-life flames down the side that you could switch on and off as you pleased. It was the year 2000 and I predicted we’d be wearing these by at least 2008 (a.k.a. the future). Yet here we are in TWENTY SEVENTEEN still wearing non-flame-throwing sneakers and quite frankly, I’m embarrassed for all of us. 

In fact, this year, it seems we’re only going backwards. This year, you can expect gingham from the ’70s, velvet from the ’80s and everything from Kim Kardashian’s 2016 wardrobe.

Let’s discuss.

Logo tees

Because we definitely haven’t had our fill of this trend, the designer logo tee will continue to saturate street style blogs, Instagram feeds and Saturday brunch spots in 2017. 

No stress if you don’t have the $400 lying around – by June there’ll be a $50 knock-off in every single store at your local shopping centre.

(As you can probably tell, I’m just mad I can’t afford a vintage Gucci tee.)

Gingham

Provided you weren’t forced to wear this print everyday at school, it’s likely this is one trend you’ll get on board for. 

It’s already started popping up all over the place in cute twin sets, tailored shorts, bralettes and off-the-shoulder dresses (side note: are we not done with the off-the-shoulder yet?) 

Gingham is like the humble stripe’s hot older cousin that lives out of town, has a fake ID and smokes cigarettes. All of a sudden everyone is hanging out with gingham, and forgetting about poor ol’ stripes. 

Robes

My boyfriend and I spotted a girl at a bar recently, who was wearing what can only be described as a white waffle dressing gown, tied at the front. Being in the know, I explained to my boyfriend this was a thing now. He didn’t take it well. 

Done right, robes can be chic af. Done wrong, it can look like you literally just stepped out of the shower. 

On a serious note – other than being supremely comfortable – there is one positive to come out of this trend: #robelyf is no longer reserved for terry-towelling bathroom selfies at fancy hotels. Oooeee, it’s coming to the streets! 

Corset chokers, belts

First there were chokers, then there were corsets, so it was only a matter of time before some genius brought the two together in sweet holy fashion matrimony. 

In 2017, we’ll swap the shoelace choker for thick leather lace-ups around our necks and middles. We’ll go for beige and blush pink mostly, which will help us look more lady and less dominatrix.

Ballet flats

Like some sort of cruel joke, the fashion-y powers that be have announced our beloved sneaker will soon be overtaken by another shoe trend (another shoe??? Does it exist???) 

Apparently we’ll all be flocking to fill our shoedrobes with ballet flats… but these are no ordinary ballet flats, oh no. These ballet flats come with ankle straps… remember those?

’80s glam

Schedule a rifling through your mum’s closet ASAP. 

’80s glam is on its way back because, well, #future. Think hot pink satin, vinyl pants, fishnet tights, truly enormous shoulders and all velvet everything (everything). 

Chokers for guys

The New York Post tells me guys will be dipping into their girlfriend’s jewellery box this year to experiment with the choker. 

Something tells me my boyfriend will not be in this group.

Trackpants

Fans of athleisure can let out a big sigh of relief knowing this trend is here to stay for yet another year – a record 150 years straight, in fact. 

Though we still love our bombers and sneakers, this year will see the rise of the track pant. No, not your baggy grey trackies you wear to pick up a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. I mean those ones with the stripe down the side.

Prefer something a little more see-through? Word on the street is leggings as pants might become a thing too… but you didn’t hear it from me, k?

Illustration by Twylamae whose Jerry Seinfeld tee is the only trend we need.