The emotional rollercoaster of maternity dressing when you work in fashion
Image via @melissamikletic/Instagram
Words by Ella Ferris
“This is something to be celebrated, you’re growing a human life, but also, I cried when I could no longer button up my tailored vest.”
Our bodies change. It’s the reality of the human condition but it can be a tough pill to swallow, particularly for women and femme people. As early as childhood, our bodies are seen as available for others to comment upon, cast aspersions upon and police. Puberty was a turbulent time for me (and just about every other person ever), especially when I realised my body would be in a constant state of flux, and I’d have to re-meet it in all different shapes and sizes.
It felt shameful to talk about and even worse to experience. But it’s true that hormones, medications, chronic illnesses, stress, body type, genetics, and so many other variables mean our bodies are simply always changing. Like many women I know, I’ve had to do some deep learning and unlearning about the value of my appearance. I’ve had to embrace the old adage that ‘change is the only constant’ and that, at the end of the day, we are more than our appearance.
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I’ve fallen hundreds of times of into the trap of buying clothes ‘for the body I want’ – a body I once had or might have in the future. I’m often riddled with anxiety about my clothes sitting differently, or at the thought of having to purchase new clothes when old ones no longer fit.
As someone who works in the fashion industry and who takes a mindful approach to dressing and buying new pieces, I’ve been wondering how I might build a capsule wardrobe to accommodate my ever-evolving body. I could think of no one better to share some insights into the joys of a changing body and how we can maintain a minimalist approach to our wardrobe than Melbourne-based fashion stylist, musician, store-owner and ultimate cool-new-mum, Melissa Mikletic.
Ella Ferris: Hi Melissa! For those who don’t know, who are you and what do you do?
Melissa Mikletic: Hi! I’m Melissa, I own Before March, a little Northside sanctuary intended to be the destination for all the fundamentals you need to build a beautiful, hardworking wardrobe. I curate our offering, work in the space full time (although that’s changed now!), I conceptualise and sometimes photograph all of our visual and written output. I’ve got my mitts on every aspect of the business.
What does the term ‘capsule wardrobe’ mean to you?
To my mind, a capsule wardrobe is essentially a small rotation of items you wear on the regular. This looks wildly different for everyone. My version [is] jeans and a silk slip or a silk pant.
In fashion, there’s a tricky balance between distinctiveness, a designer’s ‘signature look’ and the wastefulness that can come out of a more playful approach. [Fashion] designers by nature are dreamers, explorers of texture, shape and silhouette.. While I think it’s important for fashion to have that aspect of fantasy, it butts up against this consideration of ‘capsule dressing’ – which is asking us to buy fewer, more specific, more versatile items.
Some people are colour and pattern mad, some are more minimalistic. I think people across all levels of that spectrum need good basics. I’d consider these to be mostly neutral in palette, simple in silhouette and free of ‘noise’ – not too many distinctive elements. Then, essentially, you add your flavouring or seasoning… Personally, I use accessories and procurements from vintage stores to add ‘zanier’ or more unique additions.
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Recently, you grew a baby… What was it like learning to dress for a changing body?
Pregnancy is very loaded [in terms of] how it has contextualised my relationship to my body. I asked my family early on to refrain from commenting on my physical appearance and just focus on telling me I look ‘happy and healthy’. Enquiries about changing breasts were not welcome. People may have differing sensitivity to comments on their appearance but I think a lot of what gets brushed off does get internalised and it affects us throughout our life.
I probably sound precious, but we could be more mindful about the way in which we comment on one another’s bodies and perhaps contribute to shame around our appearance. Don’t tell women that little girls steal their beauty (this was said to a friend of mine) – what kind of relationship is that going to start with your child?
Existing in the fashion sphere for a lot of my life, which tends to praise thinness, naturally complicated my relationship to pregnancy, in both conscious and subconscious ways. Pregnancy aside, many of my customers experience body fluctuation. I actively try to source and cater with this in mind. I read an article some time ago that questioned why we would spend good money on clothes when our bodies inevitably change. I thought this dangerously overstepped the point. It is always worth investing in clothes that are made well by good people.
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How did you continue to be mindful with your clothing purchases while catering to your growing bump?
I distinctly recall sharing a video of a barely-there bump, wearing a tiny little silk mini skirt I felt pretty good about being able to wear for a good six months of pregnancy. I think I captioned it, ‘The little mini skirt that could” and I giggle at the smugness with which I celebrated how long I could wear it for.
I felt fortunate to wear a lot of what I already own for a good five to six months of pregnancy. Everyone grows so differently and some people grow very rapidly. This is something to be celebrated, you’re growing a human life, but also, I cried when I could no longer button up my tailored vest. I sold that vest, I wanted to focus on my incoming family member, not the vest I could no longer wear.
It’s ok to be a bit sad that you can’t wear certain things for a while. The beauty is, they’re waiting for you on the other side and if you can’t fit them for a while post-pregnancy, pop them away and try further down the line or reap a bit of money when you on-sell them. If you’ve bought quality clothes, the good news is they have value.
What’s your advice for building a capsule wardrobe during pregnancy and beyond?
Now [that I’ve given birth] I feel I’m better qualified to give practical advice on procuring new clothes to see you through pregnancy. I would advise – break it down into trimesters. Prioritise bras and underwear. I have a full cup and I detest underwire, Juem strike a perfect balance between soft and supportive. In the early stages, try your clothes on and work out what has stretch and room in the waist, wear these for as long as possible. Pop things like jeans and neatly tailored waistbands out of sight for a while, store them away. If you miss tailoring, wear a blazer or a coat over your outfit to get that feeling.
Only have what you can wear in your wardrobe and then you’ll identify what is missing and won’t feel bothered by the sight of what you can’t wear. Come up with a budget, perhaps it’ll then be a combination of buying new and second-hand, or maybe even a great opportunity to sell some things that are sitting around to help pay for those new essentials. Consider the roominess of the fit and size you’ve chosen. Don’t buy smaller sizes ambitiously and life is too short to not eat pasta.
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Were there any pieces you had before pregnancy that you could restyle or adapt?
Anything bias cut and ideally without a zip. My bias-cut dresses and slips have been worn throughout the whole period. If the concept of this feels ‘fancy’ I always encourage throwing T-shirts and knits over these pieces. It’ll make them feel more every day and then they can be dressier when need be. Silk Laundry’s bias-cut pants are amazing and as comfortable as pyjamas, I just rolled the waistband down. Silk is strong and easy to wash, I won’t have anyone tell me otherwise, get a dark colour if you’re scared.
Big shirts, both silky (so my frame doesn’t feel overwhelmed) and vintage men’s cotton shirts – also great for breast feeding. A big cotton shirt does lean into that new mum look but hey, it’s a cute look. When I have my waist back, I’ll tuck them into my tailored pants again and throw a belt on. Also, bamboo stretchy basics. I’m obsessed with this fibre, it feels like silk and is the nicest thing to have close to your skin.
Has this experience of pregnancy opened your mind to new styles or changed your perspective on fashion?
My gorgeous pregnant friend and I had a moment where we reflected on the importance of accessories. You’re going to be wearing the same pieces often, so a nice way of changing them up is with jewellery, shoes and bags. They also make you feel a bit more luminous if you’re feeling crappy. You don’t have to own a lot of them and you can get really cute market baskets and little bags secondhand, too.
I leaned into a more feminine aspect of my style. Pre-pregnancy it was a lot of slim tailored pants and belts. Now, it’s more long flowing dresses and a gentler energy. It has represented a kind of softening. A chance to play a different character. I think sunglasses will be next in high importance! I’m anticipating a lack of sleep and I don’t intend to let that curb my style.
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