The style lessons I’m carrying into my forties, as a Melbourne stylist
words by lauren di bartolo
A personal reflection on style.
Lauren Di Bartolo is a fashion stylist and human behaviour expert based in Melbourne. An industry innovator and founder of Australian Style Institute, she has spent decades observing the relationship between people and their clothes. She’s a regular contributor to Fashion Journal, answering our burning style questions in her monthly column.
There are birthdays. And then there are milestone birthdays. You know the ones, the birthdays that carry a louder than usual tone and arrive with punctuation. They demand reflection, whether you feel like giving it or not.
I’ve never been one to get sentimental about numbers but this particular birthday caught me by surprise. Not in a panicked, ‘age-is-just-a-number’ kind of way, but in a way that made me pause and reflect. I’m reaching the age of the type of women who I styled early in my career – women much ‘older’, or at least, older than I was. And while I always found common ground (and forged some amazing friendships) with these women when it came to age and style, we were planets orbiting in different galaxies.
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Now, I’m fast approaching 40, and fast becoming her. This milestone date has me thinking about what my personal style has come to represent, the style of my younger self, and a recent version that has only begun to emerge. The ‘what was I thinking’ outfits and the looks that document a moment in time, giving truth to the saying ‘a picture paints a thousand words’.
But it’s not all deep reflection. I’ve spent an equal amount of time looking at the epic purchases that have come on the journey with me, the sartorial hits and the many, many misses.
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A lesson in age and style, so far
I think there are bigger issues to address than fashion from my youth. As a millennial, I’m still wondering how we ever thought Maybelline Dream Matte Mousse foundation and taking a literal iron to our hair was a good idea (ghd came later and Dyson only did vacuums.)
There was a different kind of conversation about age then, too. I used to hear women talk about concealing their age (it’s no wonder when age representation was non-existent) but I think we’re now in a time of revealing age. And my professional experience would indicate that style isn’t something you age out of, it’s something you age into.
It’s easy to assume that style gets more conservative as you get older. But for me, it has felt more freeing. I’m both as committed to the function and freedom of uniform dressing as I am being more experimental. Not because I’m trying to stand out but because I finally know how to honour instinct over instruction.
That might mean structured tailoring one day, and flowing silk and knitwear the next. It might mean wearing the same thing on repeat because it makes me feel clear-headed and grounded. Or throwing on a dramatic coat because it makes an ordinary morning feel less ordinary. There’s no formula. But there is freedom.
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The milestone purchase I’m thinking about
I’ve always loved investment pieces, not for the price tag but for the way they become companions. I still have a jacket I bought in my twenties that made me feel more powerful the second I put it on. It’s aged well… but to be fair, we both have (can I say that in 2025?).
This birthday, I’ve been thinking about what the next investment might be – not to mark the number but to mark the moment. I’m thinking of it less as a reward and more as a symbol, a wearable reminder that style, when it’s truly personal, never goes out of fashion. It’s less of a refusal to wear anything that doesn’t feel entirely me and more a choice to double down on everything that feels like it does.
I’m still on the hunt. Maybe it’ll be a piece of jewellery, maybe a coat I’ll wear for the next 20 years. But this isn’t about consuming, because it might not be anything material, just a commitment to keep dressing for the life I’m choosing, not the one I think I ‘should’ have by now.
If I could tell my younger self one thing…
It wouldn’t be about buying better basics or avoiding the trend that didn’t suit me. It would be this: you don’t need to dress for the version of you that looks the part. Dress for the one who feels most like you, even if no one else gets it yet.
Stop dressing to conceal what you don’t like. It’s more exhausting than you realise. That personal style, like identity, doesn’t arrive all at once. It builds quietly and it only becomes powerful when it becomes yours. And finally, buy the Acne boots, you’ll get a serious return on the investment.
What style means to me at this point in time
Style, at this point, isn’t about dressing up or looking ‘done’. It’s about alignment. It’s knowing what I’ll reach for in the morning when I don’t want to think and investing in pieces that hold their shape and hold me on the days I feel softer.
It’s knowing that a perfectly tailored coat can do more than just keep you warm, it can reset your whole day. That a clean neckline can change your posture. That even if the world is chaotic, you can still get dressed with clarity. The older I get, the more I realise that style isn’t about impressing others, it’s about respecting yourself.
The next decade of personal style looks like…
It looks like fewer impulse buys, more intentional choices. It looks like more local brands, Australian and New Zealand fashion is some of the best around, and it needs our support.
It looks like comfort without compromise. It looks like subtle confidence, not the kind that screams but the kind that doesn’t need to explain itself.
To learn more about the Australian Style Institute, head here.
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