I started my pregnancy journey at 40, here’s what I wish I’d known

“It took six long years filled with emotional ups and downs, 10 rounds of IVF and the heartache of three miscarriages.”

Content warning: This article discusses pregnancy loss. 

Motherhood looks wildly different for everyone and the path to get there can be just as varied. Some pregnancies are glorious surprises, others are earth-shattering shocks and some are so desperately wanted but painstakingly slow to arrive. Some paths to motherhood don’t involve pregnancy at all, while some involve multiple pregnancies and multiple pregnancy losses. However a person arrives to motherhood, it’s always an emotional journey.

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Fertility struggles are largely shrouded in secrecy, often to protect the mental and emotional wellbeing of those who experience them. But when a person feels comfortable to speak out about their experience, it can be helpful to others to know they’re not alone at a time that can feel so incredibly lonely.

This is one of the many reasons why designer and founder of jewellery label By Charlotte, Charlotte Blakeney, opened up to Fashion Journal for this story. Below, she shares her experience with infertility and reflects on her journey to motherhood. 

My path to motherhood wasn’t easy. It took six long years filled with emotional ups and downs, 10 rounds of IVF and the heartache of three miscarriages. Each step was a lesson in patience and resilience, constantly fluctuating between hope and despair. Despite these challenges, there was always a light at the end of the tunnel, guiding me forward.

This journey, though difficult, ultimately blessed me with my beautiful daughter, Estelle. Every moment of struggle was worth it to reach the profound joy and fulfillment that came with her arrival.

The challenging IVF journey put significant pressure on my relationship with my partner, which led us to seek couple’s therapy. We found a counsellor who we both connected with, and their support helped us to communicate openly and transparently, which ultimately helped strengthen our relationship. Communication is so important in maintaining a loving and supportive relationship.

My best friend, who has been with me since school, was incredibly supportive during this time in my life. We share pretty much everything with each other, so I am grateful that she was on this journey with me.

I am also blessed with loving parents who were there for me throughout, although I sometimes chose to share less to avoid stressing them out. They are incredibly proud of our beautiful daughter Estelle and play a significant role in her life.

From my experience, I’ve learned the importance of nurturing compassion towards oneself and making informed health choices. Learning to love and listen to your body is so important. If having children is part of your dream, being proactive and exploring all available options, whether conventional or alternative, can make a huge difference.

I was incredibly fortunate to have met a spiritual healer, Michael, who supported me emotionally and physically throughout my journey. He helped me to rediscover love for my body after many IVF disappointments, providing me with self-love mantras, reiki and healing massages.

Initially, I really struggled with intense emotions and self-doubt, but finding Michael was a real turning point. He taught me so many valuable life lessons and armed me with tools to navigate these emotionally challenging times. Each IVF journey left me feeling depressed and at times, I really struggled to engage in daily life, but Michael’s guidance and support helped me to reset and maintain a positive and healthy mindset.

As well as Michael’s support, journal writing really helped in nurturing my emotional wellbeing. This daily ritual helped me to connect with my feelings and better understand my experiences. This, along with Michael’s guidance, helped me stay focused, optimistic and move forward with my IVF journey.

One of the most heartbreaking moments was losing my baby at three months. It was an unexpected blow that deeply affected me – both physically and mentally. There you are just thinking that everything is absolutely fine and the rug is suddenly pulled from under your feet. This was when I sought Michael’s help, and his support became even more crucial. Looking back, I wish I had spoken to a fertility specialist earlier to better understand the decline in my fertility. Starting my pregnancy journey at 40 really opened my eyes to the importance of consulting a fertility specialist early on.

Infertility awareness is important because it sheds light on a topic often kept in the shadows, providing comfort and understanding to those affected, as it can often by incredibly private and isolating. By sharing our stories and support, we can help others feel less alone, offering a network of support and understanding that can make a significant difference during such challenging times.

Emerging from infertility challenges brings a renewed appreciation for life and family, filled with deep gratitude and joy. To those on a similar journey, remember to surround yourself with support and to seek help when needed. It’s important to be gentle with yourself and to find strength in those who understand your journey. Remember, each small step is progress, and every day brings you closer.

If you’re experiencing infertility and looking for mental health support, start here.