Bachelor in Paradise is over, so what now?

Words by Hannah Cole

Illustration by Twylamae

Here’s how to spend your newly-acquired free time.

It’s been a grim two weeks since we bid adieu to our favourite drama-rife reality TV couples. Thankfully, the Ali v Grant debacle continues to unfold, offering some semblance of hot gossip and tangled love. Apart from that, the absence of my nightly ritual has me feeling a little lost. Where once I would get home, assemble dinner and settle in for a night of ‘love’, I’m now a bit all over the place. What should I watch? What do I do post-dinner apart from slumber? What activity could bring such drama and joy as the beloved BIP?

If you can’t already tell, I’ve become a Bachelor in Paradise nut. But I’ll bet there are a fair few more out there, similarly pondering their evenings with such listlessness. We must march on until The Bachelor starts again, so I’ve pulled together a list of activities to entertain, to some degree, until then.

1. Book your Fijian getaway

Did the subliminal (ahem, not so subliminal) messaging pass you by somehow? Were your eyes even open? Open your laptop, get Webjet at the ready and start booking your ultimate Fijian adventure. See how many hot dates you can re-create on the shore of the Warwick; or test your mango daiquiri limits at Mango Bay Resort. Just make sure you bring sunscreen, Fiji doesn’t need to witness any more roast tomatoes.

2. Get lost on Instagram

I’ll bet you already follow a few of your favourite contestants (oh hey, Keira). But this isn’t because we are outright stalkers. We genuinely care and only want to nurture and support their blossoming relationships, right? Just make sure you stick to the flirting rules; they apply here also. Thou shalt not like an image older than six months (make it three to be safe). Thou shalt resist double-tapping every single couple photo. And finally, thou shalt refrain from liking more than three to five pictures in each sitting. You wouldn’t want to get creepy, would you?

3. Plan Sam and Tara’s wedding

You know what takes a lot of time? Planning a wedding. You know who doesn’t have a lot of that precious element to spare? Sam and Tara. Between juggling media appearances, real-life relationship-ing and, presumably, their real-life jobs, the pair must be struggling to breathe. Thanks to our routine of spending hours watching this relationship form, we’ve now got time to spare. We’ve gained back seven hours a week to help get this wedding rolling. Sunday night = venue organised. Monday night = dress ordered. Tuesday night = catering. Wednesday night = flowers sorted. Et voila! A wedding you have arranged. Now just wait for the deserved invite to the wedding of the year to come your way (sorry, Harry and Meghan).

And if these activities fail to fill your cup, dare I say, maybe you should get out more? From personal experience, wine and cheese will fix anything: even a desperately Bachelor-love-lost heart.

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