How do you really feel about people being late? We asked 19 Fashion Journal readers

“If they know I’m going to feel that way, are they doing everything in their power to make sure they’re on time?”

If you’re a chronically late person, you’ll know the feeling well. It’s 20 minutes later than you thought it was, so you rush out the door while firing off a ‘Running a little behind, sorry!’ text, not expecting a reply. You arrive at your destination out of breath, welcomed by a friend (or coworker, or family member) who is simply sick of your shit.

Interested to hear how others navigate the world? Head to our Life section.

Habitual lateness can be debilitating for all involved. Relationship-ruining, even. But between perpetually late people and always on-timers, can we find a middle ground? As someone who is trying to break free of her own late habits, I’m endeavouring to find out. Below, 19 Fashion Journal readers share their thoughts on being late.

Marisa*, 26, she/her

There are definitely degrees of lateness. I don’t mind when someone is five to 10 minutes late. However, when someone is very late, I do find myself feeling almost offended, as I am a chronically early person because I don’t like to keep people waiting. Anything above 45 minutes [is rude].

Ishani*, 33, she/her

I am late a lot of the time, mostly when meeting friends or family (though I do blame our baby a little bit as they certainly haven’t helped my lateness!). I don’t like being late and tend to be on time for appointments, dinner reservations, etc. Casual meet-ups, though? I’m always around five to 10 late. Because of this, it never bothers me when others are late. I feel some relief, to be honest! More than 20 minutes is rude without a text or call. If you’ve advised me though, take your time babe!

Alex*, 26, he/him

As someone who’s habitually late to relaxed/friend events, as long as you give a heads up as soon as you know, who cares? Rude is 15 minutes later than you last said.

Elena*, 21, she/her

I grew up in a family that was chronically on time. This unfortunately means whenever I arrive past a due time, I feel an icky sense of anxiety. This is normally due to feeling like an inconvenience. However, I’m normally quite an accommodating person when others are late on my time, mostly because I’m relieved that it isn’t me.

However, in saying that, I get pretty frustrated when someone texts me ‘Leaving now’ at the time they were meant to arrive, with no explanation or apology. The worst is when it’s a set event, and I’m relying on them. Otherwise, I’m exercising chillness where possible to outgrow the late anxiety, as it’s led to things like speeding fines, arguments and wardrobe malfunctions. It depends on the situation, but normally 15 mins from the set time is when I start getting antsy.

Giselle*, 37, she/her

I’m punctual. To me, it’s a sign of respecting other people’s time, but also a way to manage my own anxiety about being organised. If someone is late on occasion, that’s fine. Life happens! But someone who is habitually late I find frustrating. I assume there is something deeper at play… however, I don’t think these people are intentionally rude. But I would expect it’s something they would like to improve.

Claude*, 21, they/he

I used to be really pissed off about people being late to plans because of basic respect of boundaries for the other person, but my time blindness caught up to me. Now I am really understanding of people’s lateness, as long as my friends keep me updated on their whereabouts so I can do other things while I wait for them. I feel really guilty about being late when I am, so I’m much more understanding of my friends being late now. Anything over half an hour [is too late], I think it’s a really long time to keep someone waiting… but if you’re both late, you get lucky I guess.

Maisy*, 18, she/her

Eve Babitz once wrote, “There are a lot of people who don’t go limp with hatred when they’re kept waiting… the bitterness that shortens your life has been headed off at the pass by the wonderful paperback” (from Slow Days, Fast Company). That summarises how I feel about it best. I’ve never gotten along with anyone who complained about someone running a few minutes behind. I have my moments of lateness, but doesn’t everyone? I’d say 20 minutes is pushing it. I’m unbothered by anything less than that.

Leah*, 30, she/her

I’m always late. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and it makes so much sense to me now, but before that, I used to beat myself up about it constantly. On the other hand, I definitely do not mind if someone is late. It’s probably because I can fully empathise with the late person, being a late person myself. However, I do appreciate a courtesy text or any apology when the person arrives. If they didn’t do that I’d be a little annoyed.

Radka*, 27, she/her

I find being late without a valid reason exceptionally rude. To me, it signifies that you value your time more than anyone else’s. I would say I’m the opposite of habitually late – I always arrive at my destination at least 15 minutes early! More than five minutes without communication or a valid reason for being late would be classified as rude in my books.

Aisling*, 33, she/her

Late with honest communication is fine. Shit happens, just don’t say you’re ‘five minutes away’ if you haven’t actually left yet. Let me know the realistic timeframe so I can know how to best use mine. Anything past five minutes without some form of communication can border on rude.

Quinn*, 22, he/they

I really don’t mind at all if people are late… I say this as someone who is habitually late myself. I find I’m often late due to hyper-fixation, anxiety and my mild OCD. So consequently, on account of my issues and people being so nice about me being late, I extend this to everyone else. I don’t really think there’s a time [that is too late] for me personally, I’m happy to wait as long as required. I get it. I totally understand if people don’t feel the same about this, as time is very valuable and limited, but personally, I get it if people are late. We all have our issues and reasons.

Mina*, 24, she/her

I hate it, it’s my biggest pet peeve. I specifically hate it when people don’t text to tell you that they’re running late. I’m fine if the train was late or they’re having a slow morning or whatever, but a text 15 mins before the time to say they’re running a few minutes late is common courtesy… [it] shows the person you’re meeting that you actually care about them.

My friends are almost always late and I am someone that really values being on time. But they never text, even though I’ve mentioned how much this upsets me, so I’ve started shifting my arrival times back by 10 to 15 minutes so I’m not waiting by myself. I think it’s so disrespectful to be constantly late and I wish everyone could make just a bit more of an effort.

Phoebe*, 30, she/her

If it’s truly habitual then you come to expect it and hopefully laugh about it! The thing I can’t stand is someone saying they’re running five minutes late, only to walk in 40 minutes later. [But] nope, I’m not! My profession is stereotypically always late so I try to buck the trend.

Hunter*, 24, she/her

Being late makes me really anxious, to the point where I have dreams about being late and I wake up in a sweat. So, naturally, other people’s lateness really irks me, but it’s something I’ve definitely softened on in the last few years. I just try and remember that it’s not the end of the world if someone’s late!

Tam*, 31, female

As someone who tries to be on time when someone is more than 10 to 15 minutes late, I see this as them devaluing my time and frankly disrespectful. If it is a one-off or not that often or they have a genuine excuse, it’s okay, but if it becomes a habit it would genuinely change my opinion of that person and how they view our friendship.

Paige*, 29, she/her

[I’m] consistently, chronically late. Look, I’ve done one hour late [before] (I got the wrong location).

Daphne*, 25, she/her

Okay, I know people all come from different stories, but my friends know that I get super anxious and kind of annoyed when people are late. I guess then my question is, if they know I’m going to feel that way, are they doing everything in their power to make sure they’re on time?

Like if they know I’m going to feel that way, is it fair to ask that they be on time? I sometimes think it’s fair to ask your friends to change their behaviour if they know it will make you stressed. After 15 minutes, it’s feeling a little sloppy, you know?

Sakura*, 23, she/her

I really honestly don’t mind or care if people are late. I have the patience of a saint and am really good at waiting and don’t take offence, nor do I take it personally when people are late. I understand that life gets in the way or things pop up or some people just are that way and can’t change it about themselves.

I was taught growing up that patience is a virtue and while someone may be late, you don’t know the reasons behind this. I’m also a very understanding person as I treat people how I would want to be treated. If I were ever running late, I wouldn’t want to be berated for it.

I’m usually only late if public transport or something out of my control causes me to be late. Otherwise, I’m a pretty on-the-dot or two-minutes-past kind of person. To be honest, I really don’t think lateness constitutes rudeness at all. I think being late is out of someone’s control and it shouldn’t be taken personally. But in saying that, I would happily wait one to two hours, depending on the situation… [I’d either] occupy myself wherever I am or offer to reschedule.

Lucy*, 32, she/her

I think being late is quite rude, especially if it’s a regular occurrence. It shows they don’t respect your time and other things you may have scheduled in your day! I am always on time, usually early! I think over 10 to 15 minutes [late] is when I start to get annoyed.

For more on chronic lateness and how to help it, head here.