The best friend myth: I asked 20 people how many close friends they actually have

“My close friends are reliable, trustworthy, caring, and loving, and we’re each other’s cheerleaders.”

Social media is a great place to show off your love for your friends. It’s full of photo dumps featuring large friendship groups toasting to birthdays, out for drinks or on holidays together. While it’s great to celebrate having people who you feel close to, it can be isolating to observe if you don’t have a big circle of friends.

Forming new and meaningful relationships in your twenties and thirties isn’t always easy. You can’t rely on the proximity of seeing people every day like you did in school and gradually, your friends will start moving off in different directions.

Interested to hear how others navigate the world? Head to our Life section.

Where exactly do you go to find people with shared interests and a similar sense of humour? And what turns an acquaintance into a close friend? For some people, it takes time. For others, it’s about common interests, inside jokes and shared experiences. The idea of having more than a few people to text back and arrange catch-ups with can feel overwhelming for one person and enriching for another. Friendship, ultimately, looks different for everyone.

Alex*, 31, she/her

I have three close friends. I define a close friend as someone who I don’t need to be ‘on’ for; someone who I can be around even if I’m feeling sad or tired or unshowered. I can call them up if I’m in a pickle or need advice, and know they’ll be the right combo of supportive, curious and honest.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve moved through different friendship groups, had multiple jobs and been in different romantic relationships. My close friendships have evolved alongside these different seasons of my life. They’re fulfilling and reliable, and those friends are all incredibly funny and have a tonne of integrity. I feel grateful – I’m loved by them all and I love them all back, though sometimes it does feel like the number of close friends I have has dwindled over the years.

Mon*, 23, she/her

I have two close friends. Sometimes I feel like a failure for not having a bigger social circle. My social life has been impacted by moving countries, lockdowns, health issues and general introversion, social anxiety and overthinking, which has created barriers to connecting with people.

Not enough love is placed on the low-stakes and incidental community-led friendships we make. For example, if you work in retail and have relationships with your favourite customers, the people at Pilates you might chat with, and the friends of friends you see at events sometimes. They don’t need to be more than that and they fill out your life.

Nadia*, 29, she/her

Maybe one or two. I’d classify a close friend as someone who I know I can count on in any situation, who I can call up out of the blue and they don’t question it; who checks in on me or sends random messages or memes. As I’ve gotten older, a lot of my friends have dropped away. We’ve gotten busier and life has gotten harder. We don’t have as much time as we did when we were younger. I also seemed to lose some friends when I was unwell with my chronic illness.

Honestly, it makes me sad. I think of how close they felt when I was in my early twenties at university and now I couldn’t say where I stand with them. Recently I was thinking who I’d put in my bridal party if I got married and I can honestly say it’d probably just be my sister and that really hurt. But also there is something to be said for a small group of close-knit friends – even though we’re in different life stages, they still think of me and me of them and that’s a beautiful thing.

Natalie*, 33, she/her

I have seven close friends. They’re people with who I’ve built solid relationships over many years; who have withstood many seasons and who I can depend on for anything. I think I invest in good people, plus you need to nurture friendships for them to grow. It blows my mind the effort and priority romantic relationships have compared to friendships. I have a long-term partner but nothing compares to my female friendships.

Claire*, 27, she/her

I have two close friends. I used to be insecure about having such a small circle, but I love my two closest friends and I feel so lucky to know them. I think it’s really hard to develop intimate friendships in your late twenties, especially because of how the internet has isolated us.

I’m trying to be more community-focused and less online in 2025. Maybe I will make more friends from doing that and maybe I won’t, who’s to say? Either way, forming and maintaining close friendships can be really challenging, so I definitely treasure those that I have, even if it doesn’t seem like enough to others.

Louise*, 31, she/her

Excluding my partner, I’d say zero. I think a close friend is that one person you can call or meet up with after time apart and it feels like nothing has changed. Everything instantly clicks, it feels right and there’s a sense of peace.

I grew up with a lot of friends but none I would consider close. My struggling mental state made it difficult to make long-lasting connections and after stepping away to balance myself out, everyone else seemed to move on. It hurts to see people around you sharing these moments together but after years of being alone, you get used to it. The hardest times come when something significant happens, whether good or bad, and you realise you don’t have anyone to share those moments with.

Maude*, 25, she/her

I would say I have around 15 to 20 close friends. I would define a close friend as someone I can hang out with one-on-one and feel comfortable around. It’s someone who I can laugh with; someone I would confide in and someone I’d call up to chat or spend time with. I’m a social person and I love to be surrounded by friends who I can laugh with and chat with. I actively try to cultivate that energy around me.

Kate*, 30, she/her

Honestly, I’d say I have four close friends excluding my partner. To me, a true close friend is someone who goes out of their way to maintain a friendship just as much as you do and they’re willing to stay with you through difficult times.

I think I have so few close friends because I’m willing to tolerate a lot less now than I used to. In my early twenties I would’ve considered a wider circle of people as close friends but after having one too many people take advantage of my kindness, break their promises and ignore me when I needed the most help and support, I chose to be more selective.

Amber*, 26, she/her

I have about two close friends and my partner who’s my best friend. I feel like I don’t have many friends at all and it’s isolating not being able to be yourself around most people in life, like work colleagues as they don’t understand me. It makes me feel worried for the future as I know that as I grow older, it’ll get harder and harder to make friends and harder to keep them too.

Ana*, 26, she/her

I have four or five. My close friends are reliable, trustworthy, caring, and loving, and we’re each other’s cheerleaders. My close friends and I can also pick up where we left off, so even if we’re far apart or haven’t talked frequently in a little while, we still love each other and it’s not conditional. I’m pretty shy and lack confidence, although I am working on it. I often feel awkward or uncool – I live in my own head too much!

Micaela*, 20, she/her

Seven. A close friend to me is someone who I feel like I can act completely myself around and don’t have to put on a show in front of. They’re people I can relax with and act without thinking about how I’m coming across.

Jess*, 28, she/her

Maybe three, including my partner. I often feel like I don’t have any friends, sadly, even though I know there are people who care about me. I live with chronic illnesses so it’s been really hard to maintain friendships over the last few years. In the past, I’ve lost friends because I didn’t prioritise them but with bad health, most days you need to rest.

Some of my friends have moved overseas and after a while, it becomes hard to prioritise those friendships. My situation makes me sad because I used to have a lot of friends. Even if they weren’t close friends, I had lots of messages coming through, group chats and people to catch up with. It’s quite lonely but I can understand why people stop inviting chronically ill people to things. We do cancel a lot and it’s hard to make plans. It’s hard for me to see people with their close friend groups online sometimes because I don’t have one anymore, but I have to be kind to my body and prioritise my health. Good friends will understand that.

Amelia*, 28, she/her

None. I consider a close friend someone you can reach out to do anything, particularly menial things such as shopping. It makes me sad to not have many close friends at the moment, it’s the first time in a long time. However, I didn’t want to compromise my values and let myself be taken advantage of again. I’ve tried to reach out to people in my gym and workplace to build friendships. But it’s difficult in adult age, and things change quickly in your late twenties and thirties. It’s complicated to make friends.

Margot*, 30, she/her

I have three to four close friends. I would consider my close friends to be the ones I’m in regular contact with; the kind of friends you can send a random thought or idea to any day of the week. I would consider my friends ‘close’ if I know what’s going on in their lives and vice versa (and I include my spouse in this count).

I tend to be more introverted and my close friends would all be people I’d see one on one, rarely in groups. I think a smaller number gives me the time needed to really invest in those close friendships, and at my big age, I think I’ve found people who I see being part of my life until we’re old. Ultimately, friends should make you feel good. If you feel like you’re stuck with some duds, a good cull can be very refreshing. Quality over quantity, always.

Hannah*, 28, she/her

I have two soul sisters; two amazing women who I can be my complete silly self with, who pump me up, give me advice or call me out. I’m so lucky! This level of closeness is indescribable. It’s like we’re intertwined.

Steph*, 28, she/her

I’d say I have eight close friends. It makes me feel pretty lucky. These friends are from high school, university and different jobs – I feel like I’ve made at least one very close friend at each sort of stage of my life. My close friends are my family, and I see people like my partner who don’t have that and it makes me sad for him that there isn’t someone (besides me) that he shares stuff with in the same way.

Ivy*, 27, she/her

I have two close friends that I feel comfortable hanging out with one-on-one. This number has been pretty consistent my whole life I don’t often schedule catch-ups with anyone else. I’m not very outgoing and I don’t meet many new people so it’s rare for me to meet people who I think I’ll connect with. Plus, it takes so much work to find that connection and form a new close friendship so I tend to avoid it. How do you bridge the gap between small talk and finding shared passions?

One of my close friends has a much larger social circle which can make me feel left out, especially when she double books herself. I’m not so interested in hanging out in large groups, I just want her to myself! But of course, she’s allowed to have as many friends as she wants. It’s an ongoing internal battle I have.

Ally*, 29, she/her

I feel like everyone’s forgotten about me and no one cares to know me anymore. I thought I had a really strong circle of friends and supporters but no one’s been there when I’ve needed them recently or bothered to connect with me, even on a superficial level and I constantly feel like I’m doing something wrong. I keep trying to tell myself that it must just be my brain chemistry; the stress, the burnout, the physical health issues, the family issues. I keep telling myself it’s the stressors and that my friends haven’t changed, it’s just a busy time of year and my brain’s at war with itself.

Part of it is also just being in your late twenties. The problem is everyone else has enough in their lives to fill that gap – partners, kids, hobbies, side hustles – but I don’t. I’ve honestly never felt so lonely in my life. It doesn’t matter how I try and connect with everyone or the efforts I make, it feels as if it’s never reciprocated in the same way. So, instead, I’ve just stopped trying. I’ve not heard from anyone in weeks. It’s crushing.

Noor*, 24, she/her

I have seven to 10 close friends. I will always want more friends – I love meeting and connecting with new people but maybe the big friendship group thing isn’t meant to find me. Perhaps not yet. I’m coming to terms with that, especially being relatively new to the city. I’ll happily wait for the right people to form that group if it happens. I wrote a blog post about it.

Ash*, 22, She/her

I have about five. Outside of that, I have other friends that I enjoy spending time with but they’re not people I would go to for advice. I live with two of my best friends and then met the others at university and I think it would be way too hard to have more than five close friends. I feel good about the people in my life but I would like to branch out a bit more this year. I think I can get too comfortable and not put myself out there.

*Names have been changed for privacy.

For more on friendship, try this.