Childfree by choice: How a new type of content creator is rebranding childlessness

“They fail to see there are other important and valuable choices in life for women.”

Content warning: This article mentions child abuse.

I’m a famously relaxed person when it comes to first dates. After spending almost a year immersed deep in the Hinge trenches, not a lot shocks me. That was until around five months ago when, in the first hour of small talk, I began to be met with questions like “Do you want children?”.

Rather than shouting “What’s it to you!” it got me thinking – considering all the progress we’ve made rethinking traditional gender roles, why are minute-old romantic interests so eager to learn whether or not I want children?

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I took the conversation to my housemates who were as surprised as I was to learn that some men our age (mid-twenties) have baby fever. This progressed into the tiresome but oh-so-prevalent chat about how the patriarchy bleeds into every aspect of our lives.

Thanks to my dates’ probing questions, I now felt I had to ‘come out’ as not wanting children. So I decided to look into what expectations young adults still have surrounding parenthood, and what role the content we’re consuming has on our decision to procreate or not.

Meet the mommy vlogger

Whether it’s aspirational, idle curiosity or hate-watching, the ‘perfect nuclear family’ seems to captivate us in the same way the post-war, white-picket fence, baby boom of the 1950s did for prior generations. With accounts like The Ace Family (18 million subscribers) and The LaBrant Fam (13 million subscribers) accruing massive audiences, it’s no wonder parents are so eager to join the child content bandwagon.

The elephant in the room, of course, is that some creators are now on trial for recording, uploading and profiting from abusing their children for views and clicks. American family vlogger Ruby Franke, who ran the popular YouTube channel Eight Passengers, recently pleaded guilty to child abuse, serving as a reminder that the picture-perfect family we’re watching online is often a far cry from reality.

But the allure of the mommy vlogger, with her perfectly aesthetic pancake breakfasts and colour-coordinated nurseries, remains. For a supposedly modern society, we have a questionable fascination with watching women in farmhouse attire bake bread and then homeschool their twelve children.

The content creators rebranding childlessness

Danni Duncan is an Aotearoa-based content creator who is childfree by choice. She uses her platform to show people the benefits of a childless lifestyle. “As we know, representation is really important so when someone sees someone talking about what they’re already thinking and feeling they immediately feel seen,” she tells me.

Danni believes that “many people don’t see themselves within the traditional nuclear family” but not enough creators are building spaces that make people feel safe enough to express that. Too often society paints childless women out to be selfish and lonely.

“It’s their way of slotting us into their understanding of what life is ‘meant’ to look like,” says Danni. “They only understand having no children as being a negative thing, therefore they assume we must be lonely.” Unsurprisingly, online it’s the traditional husbands, wives and parents that have the most to say about Danni’s choice. “They fail to see there are other important and valuable choices in life for women,” she says.

Madalin Giorgetta is a Perth-based content creator who’s been labelled as ‘narcissistic’ for deciding not to have children. When speaking with 7 News late last year, Madalin shared how she’s often met with pity when telling people she and her husband aren’t starting a family.

“When I reply ‘We’re not having children’, most people respond with sadness, disappointment or disbelief… that implies I am making a huge mistake,” she said. This combined with the classic retort of ‘You’ll change your mind’ makes women feel like they’re the ones who have got it wrong as opposed to society.

But, to the dismay of tradwives everywhere, it appears a growing number of people are opting out of parenthood. In 2021 the Pew Research Centre found that 44 per cent of adults aged 18 to 49 did not plan on having children.

Some are remaining childfree because of their fears about climate change and how liveable our future world will be. A report last year from University College London found that of thirteen recent studies, twelve had participants who were worried about bringing children into a world with climate change.

This is why Danni, Madalin and other content creators like them are rapidly gaining traction. The childfree by choice audience exists, and they’re hungry for representation. Filling our feeds with people who are destigmatising and rebranding the childfree lifestyle is just what we contemporary feminists need.

Danni agrees. Her biggest takeaway since she began creating childfree content is that “people just want to be understood”. She tells me she receives “messages every single day from people thanking me for speaking up, and it makes all the negative comments I get worth it”.

Ultimately, it comes down to choice. But it can be difficult to visualise another way of life if you’ve never seen it presented appealingly. Maybe I’ll want kids in the future or maybe I won’t. Telling people I plan on being childfree shouldn’t warrant a lecture or looks of pity and dismay.

Hopefully, the more childfree content people see, the more they’ll come to view childlessness in a different light. And if, like me, you ever find yourself on a date with a man who insists “You’ll change your mind”, use this article as ammunition. If all else fails, make a swift exit.

To learn more about the benefits of childfree living, follow Danni here.