What it’s really like getting a colonoscopy

“When I saw the tube that would be going down my throat, I started to panic. The last thought I had was ‘I really can’t do this’, and then I woke up.”

Hot girls have IBS, as the saying (or rather, TikTok hashtag) goes. But I’ll tell you one thing; when I had my colonoscopy, I felt anything but hot. It has to be one of the most humbling and un-glamourous things I’ve ever done. 

I’ve struggled with pretty chronic IBS for years, but in the last 18 months, it’s gotten pretty bad. To keep everything under control, I would see a dietician regularly, take medications and tonics to curb cramping and spend evenings with a heat pack on my tummy. I limited how much caffeine I was drinking (R.I.P daily iced oat latte), and stayed away from fizzy drinks. It wasn’t much fun. 

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After I got back from being overseas at the beginning of this year, I knew something was wrong. I was sicker than usual, exhausted and depressed, and anything I ate went straight through me. After seeing my GP and doing some tests, I finally got an appointment with a gastroenterologist. 

Before my first consultation with the specialist, I was hopeful. I wanted to find some answers so I could start feeling better. I pulled on some trackies and Ugg boots (that’s all I could muster) and left the house with no makeup. Once I was sitting down with the doctor in her office, we began talking about my history. I told her about my interminable journey of stomach issues and what I’d been experiencing lately, and she asked lots of questions. 

She then told me that she wanted to do ‘scopes’. I understood this meant she would perform a colonoscopy and felt dread at the thought. She explained the scopes would allow her to see everything that was going on internally, which would massively aid my recovery. 

On my way out, I was given a ‘prep’ packet. It was a big plastic sleeve containing packets of strong laxatives, which were to be taken in preparation for the procedure, as well as in-depth instructions regarding the lead-up. My procedure, which was originally scheduled for the following Friday, ended up having to be delayed a few weeks because I developed some weird and rare stomach bug. 

Once the week of the colonoscopy rolled around, I was starting to feel pretty nervous. I was anxious about the procedure and terrified of the prep. I knew other people who had had colonoscopies before, and I’d heard about how rough the preparation could be. Plus, (I’m embarrassed to admit) I searched up ‘colonoscopy prep’ on TikTok the prior week, and indulged in an hour or two of doomscrolling. 

The day before my procedure, I woke up feeling a preemptive crappiness. I knew I could have a small breakfast, and then the suffering would begin (dramatic, I know). After downing a measly hot cross bun and feeling pretty sorry for myself, the starving period began. I mixed up the prep in various plastic jugs and placed them in the fridge (I’m not sure why, but you’re told to refrigerate the liquids so they taste better.) The first jug was a whole litre of gross, salty water that had me gagging with every sip. 

I decided to inhabit my parent’s bedroom because it had an ensuite – and trust me, I was running to that toilet – so I brought my laptop and weighted blanket to their bedroom and settled down for the day. Instead of doing uni work as I had originally planned, I drifted off to sleep with a podcast. Every so often, I was woken up from my state of half-asleep-half-awake to run to the bathroom and just hang on for dear life. It’s rough and there’s a bit of TMI to come, so be warned. 

The day stretched on for way too long and consisted of downing more prep and running back and forth between the toilet and the bed. After each violent session in the bathroom, I’d crawl back to bed and collapse into another half-sleep. Because you aren’t allowed to eat anything in this period, and can only ingest clear liquids, the afternoon was a blur of icy poles, clear broth and so much Charlie’s lemonade (which honestly saved me). 

One thing that made the prep difficult (this is where it gets a little TMI) was that I had severe haemorrhoids. I had trouble walking between the bathroom and bedroom and ended up sitting on ice packs for the rest of the night for some relief. I had to delay going to sleep, because the back and forth from the toilet was incessant, but I think I got to sleep at about 1am (I’m an early bird these days, so I didn’t like this!).

Getting the colonoscopy

My mum drove me (you’re not allowed to drive yourself, because you’ll be under general anaesthetic), and dropped me off at the hospital. Once I found the waiting room, a nurse called my name and took me off to a changing room. I got out of my trackies and into a backless gown and ugly orange slip-proof socks. I felt pretty humbled at this point, shuffling around the hospital corridors in a backless gown, clutching at my bum and wincing at the pain of my haemorrhoids – sexy, right?

Once I’d talked to the nurse and asked a thousand questions, a bed was rolled around for me. One of the male nurses was super hot, and I felt utterly humiliated at having to climb on and be wheeled around in a hospital gown. 

I waited in a curtained-off area to talk to the anaesthetist, who was funny and kind and clearly wanted to distract me from my swelling anxiety. He inserted a cannula into my arm, which would feed me the anaesthetic, while joking around the whole time. 

Once I was wheeled into the operating room, the doctors greeted me, and I was turned onto my side. When I saw the tube that would be going down my throat, I started to panic. The last thought I had was ‘I really can’t do this’, and then I woke up. It really was that quick.  

I’d been pretty terrified about the general anaesthetic, but as soon as I woke up, I knew that everything had gone well and I felt damn proud of myself. I devoured the lemonade icy pole I was handed and then shuffled from one recovery suite into the next. Sitting down in a big armchair, I was presented with cheese and crackers, sandwiches and lots of juice. I demolished the food – I was ravenous, a result of the prep and having not eaten for 24 hours. 

The nurses called my mum to say I was ready to be picked up, and I was delighted. Mum took me home and I spent the day catching up on food and rest. I felt a bit bloated and crampy throughout the day, on account of the air that was pumped into my stomach during the procedure. 

I won’t go into the results, as that’s just for me, but everything went well. I have a new treatment plan and I’m starting to feel better already (which I’m so grateful to be able to say!). All in all, I’ve realised I’m braver than I give myself credit for, and that good health is something we should never take for granted. And that hot girls still have IBS, after all.

For more on colonoscopies, head here.