I ghost write dating profiles in my spare time, here’s the mistake I always see

“Lead with what makes you a good partner, not what you’re sick of.”

I’ve always loved looking at people’s dating profiles, long before I ever had one myself. Seeing how people presented themselves in their search for love always fascinated me, and I had a knack for knowing what helps, and what hurts.

A few years ago, I was at a busy Melbourne bar with a girlfriend when we got chatting to a group of thirty-somethings, including one man who had recently separated from his wife. He’d just started online dating and naturally, I asked to take a look at his profile.

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He was a friendly and attractive man in person, yet his profile let him down. He’d made a big mistake that I see time and time again: his first photo was a group shot.

“What’s the big deal?” he asked. I explained that you have mere seconds to grab someone’s attention (probably less in 2025) and you need to make first impressions count. As a ghost writer and editor for dating profiles, I’ve seen all the common mistakes, from men and women alike. Here’s what I always tell them.

Make your first photo just of you

No group shots means no confusion, and no disappointments – sometimes people want to date your friends. One of the biggest complaints I hear from clients is that their date didn’t look like their photos. They felt let down, lied to even. So if your photos have filters, heavy edits, or aren’t accurate to how you look right now, it might help you online but it won’t help you in person. First dates go better when people recognise who they’re sitting down with.

A great dating profile builds on itself. A strong first photo, in natural lighting helps. And once you’ve grabbed someone’s interest, you show them your lifestyle. Throw in a photo of your friends and family. Love camping? Wine bars? Sunday markets? Show yourself in these settings. This is what a life with you will look like after all.

Why should someone date you?

One of the most common (and grave) mistakes many people make when creating their dating profile is telling their potential matches what they want from them. One woman whose profile I workshopped stated clearly: ‘Don’t match if you can’t hold a conversation’. 

The first thing her matches knew about her, was what she expected of them. I see this a lot: ‘Only swipe right if you actually plan to meet up’ or, ‘Looking for someone who will make me delete this app’. Look, we get it – you’re over online dating. But this is your first impression. Instead of telling people what you want from them, show them why they should want you.

Think of it like you’re shopping for a new laptop, you want to know how it will benefit you. What makes this laptop special? Dating is the same: lead with what makes you a good partner, not what you’re sick of.

Our new friend at the bar couldn’t believe that all of this even mattered. By now, his friends had joined in on the conversation. They wanted to see their mate in a quality relationship. I reminded him, intentionality is key. If you want a relationship, make it known. 

People looking for something casual often don’t put much thought into their profiles, just the cliche ‘sauce in the fridge or cupboard’ or the nonchalant, ‘not on here much, follow me on IG’. And they sure aren’t making their dating intentions clear. 

It’s still fine to offset your seriousness with playfulness, or some self-depreciating humour. A good profile strikes the balance of openness and intrigue. You want to give people enough to start a conversation, but not so much that they feel like they sat in on your last therapy session.

You want people to swipe no on you

It sounds counterintuitive, but appealing to everyone means we appeal to no one. Have a weird interest? Share it. Don’t drink? Mention it. Not a runner? Own it. These quirks make you stand out. Sure, some people will swipe left but the ones who like it, will love it.

The goal isn’t endless matches, it’s filtering out the people who aren’t for you. It’s better to have someone swipe ‘no’ because of your preferred political party, than to go on a date, get into an argument and leave feeling frustrated, or defeated. You’re not here to be popular, you’re here to be yourself.

When you play it too safe, you fade into the sea of generic profiles. That’s when the people you’d actually gel with keep swiping, never realising you were exactly what they were looking for.

As for the man at the bar, I reminded him that a quality dating profile isn’t about endless matches. It’s about attracting the right ones, by being truthful about yourself and your intentions. But since we were already out, I threw in one last piece of advice: Dating apps are just one way to meet someone. Sometimes, all it takes is a conversation at a bar.

For more on navigating dating in 2025, try this.